Hi FS,
I can see your dilemma. After having put so much 'real estate' into the previous relationship to get absolutely zero return, a nett loss to boot, would certainly create an enormous doubt as to his intentions.
I'm a bit concerned with his base attitude, and not wishing to be judgemental at all, the fact he "told" you to forgive him is a basic breach of the tennent of reconcilation. If he is so absolutely contrite over the relationship, surely he must understand his error and ask, beg, seek forgiveness; with the understanding that it may, or may not be granted, and there is no timeframe to this most important decision.
Forgiveness, like respect, cannot be demanded, insisted upon, assumed to be granted by a simple act of kindness. Or just because "I'm a nice bloke." It has to be earnt, and that can take as much, if not more effort, than the effort it took you to come to terms with your (thankfully) failed suicide and having to quell the passion you once held for him.
A simple question to him, to attempt to understand his new appreciation and desire for you may be something like; "So what's different now?" "I was still a woman when you hated and rejected me, and I'm still that same woman." In fact you are a better woman now, but don't tell him that. Let him work that out for himself. It's pretty obvious and simple to those that know you, not your body.
Take your time if necessary to process this. You've had a hard time with it already and to invest more 'real estate' into something that might fail again, does come with a moderate risk attached. In preference to finding true love elsewhere. You are in our thoughts. Let us know how you are coping.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
