How to tell your parents

[Natalie32Lyn]

To all:

I really need help, havent told my parents that I want to be a women and also I am gay... I just recently came out to all my friends about 4 years ago, my parent kind of know but they dont know the whole story.... So how would one tell there parent and whens a good time to do that.... 

[Rowena]

I am actually in a very similar situation right now, so I def feel for you. I'm planning on telling them separately, basically tell them my feelings and give them as much information. I figure they will need some space to digest all of it too. There are a lot of good resources you can explore here and other forums too. Best wishes to you

[justmeinoz]

My father passed away many years ago, and my mother is in her 80's so I approached it as a medical matter,
I explained in as much detail as she could cope with ( she is still pretty sharp)how,"all foetus are female to start with, and males are a mutation of sorts."

"Regardless of people's beliefs the facts are there, and can't be argued with." I stressed that the scientific evidence is in, and is irrefutable.   

"Sometimes the brain doesn't react to hormones while the body does, at around 8 weeks gestation.  This produces someone who has a female identity wired in from birth, and it cannot be changed."

" Because society is so prejudiced and judgmental people in this situation are put through hell, and suffer needlessly.  Because the brain cannot be changed, the only way to cope with the feeling your body is all wrong is to change that instead.  Lots of people have done that, and are  content for the first time in their lives."

"Basically, do you want me to be happy, or be miserable for the rest of my life?"

Maybe stressing that you want to lead a really "normal" life with a husband, 2.4 (adopted) children and a white picket fence, and vote Republican,  could help too.  Even if not exactly true. 

Karen.

[King Malachite]

Like Rowena I do think it's a good idea to tell them seperately.  It would be idea to tell them when relaxed but from the people I came out to they weren't in too much in relaxed mode.  I brought it up when something else was going on.  I told my dad while he was at work. I told my sister while she was discussing her concerns between Isarael and war so in the middle of that convo I went, "Oh yeah by the way I have something to tell you.  I'm transgendered."  It pretty much depends on how your parents are like.  The big thing is to stay calm and present your case clearly about it.

[Kitty_Babe]

Its very difficult to finally "come out" to your parents.. it was for me anyway,. When I 'did' tell her, she kind of all ready 'knew' that there was some thing about me, knowing I had problems and issues through out my life. My mother is OLD school, ok ? she just knows about gays and lesbians, she didn't really get the whole "I am a women in a man's body" thing. So basically, depending on how knowledgeable your parents are, and how much they understand medical matters, is probably how you should genitally explain it all - if you have to go that far into it. She just really thought I was gay or some thing.. So I had to explain it and by the end of that was in a right state for an hour crying about it to her. As far as she 'knew' Women are Women, and men are men, and those who act like women or what ever, are gay, effeminate, what ever, and Lesbians, well, lol you get the idea ? Some people really don't get it, and considering the fact its your parents, and they "really" need to know, you will be actually surprised at their responses, like my mum, yep she "knew" that I was kind of a girl, - if not exactly completely the right understanding of things, but it did make me smile, with some kind of relief, but really did help to clear the air. At least I could tell her, no mum, I am not "gay" I am a girl, in a boys body, etc. The weird thing about all this parents really 'do know' lol, you think you can fool them, or they really don't see what's going on, or how your behaving etc, but yeah they would have to be 'really' blind not to know those things otherwise. Your their baby after all, and they are always concerned with your welfare.

Anyways. Not long after, I was just being myself, but this time openly hanging up "female" clothes in my bed room, not worried about being questioned any more or looked at weirdly. Notice here I said nothing about my dad, ? well yeah I am from a divorced family, and actually have no idea if my dad knows at all about me. (Not that it matters) That's my little story, sorry for the long reply !

Catherine.

[Zarania]

"Mom, Dad? - I am born in the wrong body and I'd like to make some steps to fix this issue"

you can thank me later.

[Constance]

I wrote my parents a letter (using actual postal mail instead of email) describing my need to transition and giving a little history of what led to my decision to pursue transition.

I felt the letter was the best option for me. I was able to organize my thoughts and present them without being interrupted. My mom then called me asking for me to come over to talk with her and my dad about the letter. All in all, it worked out well.