I thought I'd start a new thread than resurrect my old "Psych Out" because I'd rather just let that one be buried. Still, I gotta reference it so newcomers know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, to those who told me to slow down in that previous thread, thanks. Since the year began I have been in a rush. The reason is/was my current health insurance will run out in August (I believe I'll have a fall back) and I may well be moving before that which when combined make the odds high that I'll lose my current therapist. I've been trying to get on hormones but there's been complications with my previous therapist (I think he got canned in December. They played it up as something else but I think he was let go) along with my SO and so I kinda wanted to make a big "I'M READY!" statement. I'm not fond of having to find a new therapist and start the 3 month wait all over again but if I had to bet now, that's what's going to happen. What seals it really is I thought my SO was willing to sign the release so I could start hormones but, that willingness seems to have been retracted since January when she said it. She'll be coming to a session with me for the first time in early April. That should be something...
Another thing I've been wrestling with too is how to handle discrimination. I get the whole stand up for yourself thing. Yet, and I'm having a hard time putting this into words, I feel like I'm expected by the community to always be ready for someone to mistreat me so I can hit em' with a lawsuit. There's something hostile there. I want to trust others more, or give them time to come around. After all people have, in general, been really nice to me since I've come out. Yet I was so demoralized on Monday from this pressure to sue I feel from the community, to not getting the job I was up for, to feeling bad that that I did just start showing up to class as me without any warning, that I went as a boy for the first time in over a month. At least for me being trans is a VERY visual thing and I feel bad that some people may take it as me being, "In their face." But, my classmates seemed genuinely disappointed that I was presenting as a male. So the next day in the other class I'm out in, I went as me again and the professor called me by MY name. He just did the right thing without me prodding him, ever. I was so happy I nearly started to cry. Yeah I get disrespected too. Riding the bus home on Tuesday this other passenger's eye's went wide when he saw me and he started gesturing to his buddy. From what I overheard, the buddy was having girl problems and the original passenger that clocked me was suggesting that I might be a good match instead (Ick!). At least I was able to shrug the bad event off. But anyway, I don't want people to treat me carefully because they're afraid I might sue them.
That's mainly what's been on my mind. Thank you for reading!
Update: I should clarify that the lawsuit pressure I'm talking about is a is a global thing. I don't mean to come off like I'm talking about anyone here specifically, as I am not. I'z just all kinds of conflicted.
