The Story

[Etrina]

Hey.

I'm 21-year-old female stuck in man's body, from Finland (you know, the place where legend tells us to have polar bears roaming our towns! ..no, not really) Public health system covers most of the financial costs for transitioning, but it has drawback of having long ques and such, I'm stuck in queue for therapist appointment at the moment, but at least I've taken the first steps - accepted myself and gone to the doctor for getting that appointment.

Anyways. When did I discover myself? First confirmable memory that I have is from the age of 15. I had quite long chat with girlfriend of the time and I ended up saying, with confident, that I should've been born female. Due to self-confidence in saying that I'm sure that I have had that opinion for longer periods of time, however, nothing I can say in 100% certainty so I'm using age of 15 as my point of realization.

So, why not until now that I'm here? I did not know of HRT. My image of transpeople were just transvestites, I did not know better. About a month ago I stumbled upon MtF transition video on Youtube and that really sparked up the interests. Is it possible to change one's gender? For few weeks I was filled with anxiety and all that and I knew that I have to react.. it was time to call the doctor and get appointment. While searching for information I stumbled upon this site so and now I've been lurking here, saying something every now and then. But it is unpolite to not present oneself.. so, here I am.

About myself, my thoughts, fears, etc., for transition and otherwise. I'm currently trying to lose weight. Long que has that as upside, I can leave my manly fat and once, finally, hormones, kick in I can, with good conscience, gain some fat into female areas. Though for me being as tall as I am, I kinda have to stay skinny to look natural. As far as my personality goes, I've, for all these years, considered myself as human and disliked anyone calling me as male. Luckily Finnish language he & she is combined to one gender-neutral word. Besides that, I'm already beginning the training of my voice because people tend to agree that it is long, long process.

Fears? Well, my tallness (just under 6'1" - 185cm) is discomfort for me, as well as my rather long nose, size of hands and especially size of feet (size 45 in Europe, 13 in US women, sigh..). Surely I'm far from the worst groups hoping to eventually pass and live in quite stealthy, but.. what can I do, I dislike those parts.

So um.. I guess that's all for now. Feel free to ask questions, boys & girls. ^^


ps. Sorry for any grammatical errors, though I write poems (and actually, study as well) in English my skills are still far away from a native speaker. :p

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Etrina,
A warm Aussie welcome to Susan's family. Congratulations for choosing to work through the complexity of those issues, and not allowing denial to rob you of being yourself. It takes strength and fortitude to move through that labyrinth. And don't apologise for your mother tongue. It actually adds a dimension to understanding you better.
Sorry to hear your system is so slow and awkward. It doesn't help in any way. I've also heard that the Trans community in those regions are not too helpful, with a lot of in fighting happening.
At least being part of the family here, there will always be someone home to answer any questions as we are truly an international family. Thank you for sharing a part of your life and feelings with us. I look forward to hearing more of you in time to come. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Etrina]

Sorry to hear your system is so slow and awkward. It doesn't help in any way. I've also heard that the Trans community in those regions are not too helpful, with a lot of in fighting happening.

Quite. But I blame on the fact that we're very small country by population. If we could have good communities for those who don't belong in the norms (be it trans, or just sexual orientation.. though we did have gay president on 2nd round on presidential elections!) we wouldn't have "mainstream" population at all! :p Anyways, while sexual orientation is quite well accepted to be one's personal business by now, I've heard next to nothing on trans, other than a newspaper article stating that hospitals are demanding for 3rd clinic dedicated for transpeople because of our numbers having been on the rise (to around 200 yearly.. for whole country! I don't recall if it was SRS-only or in general though). At least the government pays for therapist, laser (though I think it had limit that's going to be subpar alone), SRS as well as most of the medication.

As far as the community goes from the glimpses it seems like it's extremely close to any and all outsiders and even new members. Guess it protects the privacy well, but I suspect it'll be hard to get into.
SETA (which includes pretty much anything that has something to do with sexuality or sexual orientation) is more open though and since my roommate's active within (no, not a trans. :p), I believe I can slip into their activities quite easily. ^^ Not the exact same thing, but still. :>

On the bright side, with English education I can always ditch the country with ease, after finishing said education! Still 2,5 years to go, unless transition, or something else, causes me to postpone it. :>

[Devlyn]

Hi Etrina, it's nice to meet you! Careful with these Aussies, it sounds like they're speaking English. That's just to lull you into a false sense of security, then when you least expect it they.....well, they're interesting to hang out with. I'll leave it at that. See you around, hugs, Devlyn

[Jamie D]

Hi there, Etrina, from sunny southern California.

Don't worry about your height.  You would fit right in here, where California gurls are tall and tanned.

Cowabunga! 

[Cindy]

 Hi Etrina,

Welcome to the gang. we are a good group, well some of us are, mainly the Aussies of which I'm one, of course.  There are times when everything is a problem and they are all impossible to deal with. Just chip away problem by problem and you will get there. You now have us. Your Family, there are people here who have knowledge about every problem we have. And guess what? We are totally normal, healthy and happy. And we love a good time, so join in.

Some rules to live by


Hi, and welcome to Susan's! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way   

Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.


•   Site Terms of Service and rules to live by are in the announcement area and include:
•   Standard Terms and Definitions
•   Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
•   Age and the Forum
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Feel free to post and discuss anything within the rules, if you make a mistake, don't panic, report it to a Mod, there is a button to the right of your post.
If a post upsets, or is insulting to you report it to a Mod. Do not take action yourself. We are here to help you and maintain the site for all.
Our mission is to be a support site for gender dysmorphic people of any situation, so feel at home and feel comfortable. You are now family.


Oh and the more you join in the more fun you have.

Hugs

Cindy

[Etrina]

Hi there, Etrina, from sunny southern California.

Don't worry about your height.  You would fit right in here, where California gurls are tall and tanned.

Cowabunga! 

..I want sun. I want warmth. :< And I'm very pale, very pale indeed. And not only because of the winter!

Actually, I have a fellow student on my class that's come from California. Such a small world!

[Jamie D]

..I want sun. I want warmth. :< And I'm very pale, very pale indeed. And not only because of the winter!

Actually, I have a fellow student on my class that's come from California. Such a small world!

Perhaps your university has a program for study abroad. If you want warmth, the whole of the southern United States, from California to Florida, is called the "Sun Belt."

[Etrina]

Jamie: It has and while I'm thinking of the possibility, it would interfere with too many other things. :< At least next year, I suppose I'll review my plans for 3rd year when it's time for that. Buuut, at least summer is coming, Finnish summer is warm enough! When it doesen't rain.. and when it does, it smells wonderful.

I suppose I do have to visit California at some point as I've always liked the place (besides, I'm adventurer, I want to visit everywhere..). :> But students don't tend to have too much money at their disposal, so that'll be in far-away future.. :p

[Jamie D]

Jamie: It has and while I'm thinking of the possibility, it would interfere with too many other things. :< At least next year, I suppose I'll review my plans for 3rd year when it's time for that. Buuut, at least summer is coming, Finnish summer is warm enough! When it doesen't rain.. and when it does, it smells wonderful.

I suppose I do have to visit California at some point as I've always liked the place (besides, I'm adventurer, I want to visit everywhere..). :> But students don't tend to have too much money at their disposal, so that'll be in far-away future.. :p

I was a student at one time, penniless, and eating ramen noodles on my meager budget.  I know exactly what you mean.

But if you have an adventurous spirit - be that adventurer!

By the way, your English is very good.  Well done.

[Michelle G]

Etrina...quite a beautiful name!!! very elegant I must say

being tall is not all that bad, here in California you see many many tall girls so you would fit in just fine if you were to visit

I'm 6'2", but being naturally thin I have to try and keep weight on which believe or not is not always as easy as it sounds, for me I prefer the natural "California girl" look and its simplicity with jeans and cute shirt or cute sundresses

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Etrina,

Height is no big deal.  I am 5'10" (over 6' in heels), And I am not the tallest girl at school.  There one gal who is 6' easy, and she is cis.

Just rock the height.  And the body fat will decrease with HRT, so will the muscle mass.

[Michelle G]

oh, I'm sure you have realized "height equals power" and that fact knows no gender, sad that society feels that in a way