just... something on my mind..

[Natkat]

okay this is probably not something anyone can help with
but I want to get it out of my head for a second. -___-

next week im going back to my hometown after almost a year away studing on my school.
its generally been a good year, the first time been very stressfull manly cause of all the trans debatattions whos been going on,
but people have in generall been pretty accepting, specially the last part of the year where I feel very free to just be like any of the other guys,
everyone call me he, by my name, I can go to swimming class and use the boys room and nobody cares .

I been happy but I need to go back now and im very sad, 

I dont have my own apartment yet so I have to live with my mother like before I moved to the school.
she keep calling me she and her even when its been forever since I came out, I dont like being close to her cause she has betraited me alot in the past so I feel scared of beliving she is accepting now? I told the guy im with im scared but he dosent understand..

also another thing
my name on the apartment is the old name and not my new one, even when im not registered with that name anymore so basically i'm living there in a houe where im registered as someone i'm not and nobody knows that I arnt that person anymore exept my mom, but I am unsure if she will admit it cause she tend to tell me its bad to go around and make fuss about being transexual.

anyway, I know people cant change it
but I just wanted to get the fellings of my head, maybe someones been in the same situation?

[Cindy]

People do change.
They change because you make them.

You are a young man who has to start declaring his authority. That is what men do. Just because you have been brought as female does not change that, You now have to be the man you are. If you cannot assert that authority then you need to think about your future, how can you live as a guy if you cannot assert yourself as a guy? You take the name plate out and change it. You tell your Mum that you are you - and be you.

I'm sorry if this sounds cruel. But being TG isn't easy. There are ways to do it but hoping it goes away does not work. Being totally brutal: you have a few choices, present to your mother as a male or a female (or androgyne) and tell her what it means. You are you. You have to make the decisions about who you are.

Cindy

[Natkat]

People do change.
They change because you make them.

You are a young man who has to start declaring his authority. That is what men do. Just because you have been brought as female does not change that, You now have to be the man you are. If you cannot assert that authority then you need to think about your future, how can you live as a guy if you cannot assert yourself as a guy? You take the name plate out and change it. You tell your Mum that you are you - and be you.

I'm sorry if this sounds cruel. But being TG isn't easy. There are ways to do it but hoping it goes away does not work. Being totally brutal: you have a few choices, present to your mother as a male or a female (or androgyne) and tell her what it means. You are you. You have to make the decisions about who you are.

Cindy

I know that, and I will also have to change it when I get back,
i'm just not looking very much forward to do it again.

the thing is
I have already told her so she knew since I where 12 that I was trans and its nothing new or no secret after years figting I had over it. She has been way more suportive now, however im very scared of her suport cause everytime I belive that now she get it she turns me down.

she had said she suported me and loved me since that time I was 12, but she hated my name changing, told me I would get sick of homones, that sex changes made people missary, so on and so on. she knows other transpeople now, But I still fell Like om going to be in the closet for a time since im still unsure about her "suport".
specially because I been in the newspaper for some transpolitical stuff, as im following pretty much, and my mom HATE when I go into that,
last time I mention something about me writting to a newspaper she didnt spoke to me straight in 3 days and when she finally did she where very angry and I said it wasnt her desision and I didnt care what she thought and she said something like "then maybe I should just stop paying for your education" im scared she would do something extreme so I had to lie about the media in the end.

I am pretty scared if she find out about the trust what will happent, so she won't know and I wont tell her before I have another hourse where im sure she cant infect me anymore but intill then I must try live with her, meaning I must be myself without making my own life a hell.

I really hope it will work out im just pretty nervous, and Really hope to get away from her soon.

[thefire]

People do change.
They change because you make them.

You are a young man who has to start declaring his authority. That is what men do. Just because you have been brought as female does not change that, You now have to be the man you are. If you cannot assert that authority then you need to think about your future, how can you live as a guy if you cannot assert yourself as a guy? You take the name plate out and change it. You tell your Mum that you are you - and be you.

I'm sorry if this sounds cruel. But being TG isn't easy. There are ways to do it but hoping it goes away does not work. Being totally brutal: you have a few choices, present to your mother as a male or a female (or androgyne) and tell her what it means. You are you. You have to make the decisions about who you are.

Cindy

Cindy, do you think that there's any point where it's alright to give up on asserting yourself to your parents? My mom has NEVER accepted me at all, even before gender was ever the issue. She has always refused to see me as my own person or someone capable of making their own choices in life. So as a man, do I have to keep fighting and antagonizing her because I identify as male? Or is it alright to give up on that relationship and go your separate ways?

[Cindy]

Cindy, do you think that there's any point where it's alright to give up on asserting yourself to your parents? My mom has NEVER accepted me at all, even before gender was ever the issue. She has always refused to see me as my own person or someone capable of making their own choices in life. So as a man, do I have to keep fighting and antagonizing her because I identify as male? Or is it alright to give up on that relationship and go your separate ways?

That your Mum doesn't accept you are a person is startling, it sounds as if she cannot understand that you are a mature person. I obviously don't know your age but is that an issue? In that she is not ready to 'release' you from the family life? Mothers can be very clingy, especially to their 'daughters' (no offence intended or meant) while they can be tolerant of their 'sons' being independent and moving on. It is the parental expectation thing.

My parents never accepted me. I came out when I was about thirteen as female and it went badly, although this was a long time ago, and society has changed drastically since then. I ended up leaving home and eventually emigrated to Australia. I saw my parents some years later after I was married. My wife accepted my femininity and when we were visiting my parents told them that she had bought twin nighties for us to wear to bed. There was shocked silence.
Since I decided to come out to family and work in Australia I have been uncompromising in my approach. I am me and people can leave it or take it.  In your case you have to weigh the consequences. I decided that I loved my parents but could not accept their view of me. They knew why I emigrated and that they may have not ever seen me again. I think they were closer to understanding when they died. I miss them and love them, but I had to make a choice of my survival or not. I chose my survival.

I have regrets. I wish I had transitioned far earlier and visited them as their daughter.

While you guys develop the 'male backbone' we have to develop the 'female empathy', and since we have probably not been in a life condition to learn those feelings as we develop we have to develop them by trial and error.

To put feelings into perspective, when the tsunami hit Malaysia in 2009, many Australians where there. It was reported that virtually all the young woman phoned home to tell their parent they were safe, virtually all the young men did not. There were in fact appeals for guys to phone home to let their parents know they were safe. They just didn't consider it important.

I'm not sure if that helps

Hugs and Good Luck
Cindy

[King Malachite]

Cindy, do you think that there's any point where it's alright to give up on asserting yourself to your parents? My mom has NEVER accepted me at all, even before gender was ever the issue. She has always refused to see me as my own person or someone capable of making their own choices in life. So as a man, do I have to keep fighting and antagonizing her because I identify as male? Or is it alright to give up on that relationship and go your separate ways?

That your Mum doesn't accept you are a person is startling, it sounds as if she cannot understand that you are a mature person. I obviously don't know your age but is that an issue? In that she is not ready to 'release' you from the family life? Mothers can be very clingy, especially to their 'daughters' (no offence intended or meant) while they can be tolerant of their 'sons' being independent and moving on. It is the parental expectation thing.


While you guys develop the 'male backbone' we have to develop the 'female empathy', and since we have probably not been in a life condition to learn those feelings as we develop we have to develop them by trial and error.

To put feelings into perspective, when the tsunami hit Malaysia in 2009, many Australians where there. It was reported that virtually all the young woman phoned home to tell their parent they were safe, virtually all the young men did not. There were in fact appeals for guys to phone home to let their parents know they were safe. They just didn't consider it important.

I'm not sure if that helps

Hugs and Good Luck
Cindy

I can relate to the age thing.  About two months ago my mother expressed that it makes her sad when I talk about moving and that I have to stay there with her forever because she is getting old. She lightened up a little bit when she told me that she will visit me wherever I move and that she will find a way.  That may change when she finds out the real reason for me moving though but aside from that my brother has his own apartment and she didn't seem too hurt over that since she has me left.

Also my sisters and mom always wanted me to call them just to make sure I was safe if I was going on a trip.  I found that rather annoying as I like to save my phone battery as much as I can.

[Natkat]

yeah my mom is like that its very annoying, she say she was the same with my brother as she claim we where raised the same way, but its hard to know since my mom lies alot and since my brother is 10 years older than me, and I didnt remember how she threated him a my age.

she know I want to move away and im also about that age,
I thought maybe about moving in with a friend since it seams more easy and cheaper, but I am unsure if it would be a good idea, cause we arnt that close friends and we tend to have very diffrent views and I guess it could cause fights, but its a option if I feel I need to get away faster.

I told my mom to remove my old name on the apartment, it will be like a test to see how accepting she have become,
if she had it removed then im sure it will be fine but if not, then I she still dont get it.

[thefire]

That your Mum doesn't accept you are a person is startling, it sounds as if she cannot understand that you are a mature person. I obviously don't know your age but is that an issue? In that she is not ready to 'release' you from the family life? Mothers can be very clingy, especially to their 'daughters' (no offence intended or meant) while they can be tolerant of their 'sons' being independent and moving on. It is the parental expectation thing.

When I say that she doesn't accept me as a person, I truly mean that. I'm in my 30's now, but I've never had much of a relationship at all with her. And I really don't see any point in trying to force her to accept me. She's never accepted how I think, dress, what music I listen to and everything else. My family believes in having everything in life dictated to you. Being different is out of the question. That's why she has never and will never accept me. I fully believe that the situation would be the same if I had been born male. I still would have been raised to believe that life is all about doing exactly as I'm told and not thinking or acting for myself. And so I'd still be looked down on for defying their idea of normal. So with that said, I still wonder if you think it's the only way to be a man to continue to push for her acceptance? Because I don't think that it is something I have to do to be a man. Some people are just CLOSE MINDED and that's her. I'm not going to change her mind no matter how much I fight or stand up for myself. It's just not going to happen. And I think it's acceptable to walk away. I'm just surprised to see that I should be expected to continue fighting with her for the rest of my life, in order to show that I have backbone. It's not going to change her mind about people who don't conform.