Quote from: Trapped07 on March 22, 2012, 01:50:28 PM
Thank you three for the nice welcomes, it's really nice to know I'm not alone out there. Sandy, I'd rather not put a name to the organization on a public thread, but i'd be more than happy to discuss it in a pm or some other messenger. And I've always gravitated to the name Jaz, I'm not sure why, but it always seemed right. So I guess my first question is where should I begin? Should I start with reading the books mentioned? My main concern lies with being able to lead a normal life after the transition is over and done with. I'd rather be content as a man than miserable as a woman who is still viewed by those who know her as a man. Have any of you struggled with that?
Ok, Jaz it is!
A lot depends on where you are starting from. Certainly True Selves is an excellent source of material
for others. For your family, friends and co-workers to help them understand what you are feeling and what you are going through. You may find that it's like looking in a mirror. The stories of others may ring true to you but it may or may not give you guidance on what to do.
Your best bet would be to see a therapist who has training in gender therapy. You won't have to worry about being found out as therapy is confidential.
If you want to read about my transition, check out my blog, listed in my sig, or here at Susan's.
There will be issues in learning how to integrate yourself into society as a woman. You *will* be read early on. I've been read dozens of times. You will have to learn all the things little girls learn as they are growing up. Fashion, makeup, poise, speech. But you'll have to do it immediately. That is just life.
There are a number of factors that will go into how you present as a woman. The effects of cross-hormone therapy will soften your skin and smooth out some of your facial features and reduce the amount of body hair you have. But you'll have to have your beard hair removed permanently through either laser or electrolysis.
How you present yourself will do much to convince society that you are exactly who you know yourself to be. A woman.
You can do this. Many others have. It is not easy. It is not fun. It is not something you would wish on your worst enemy.
And it is a one-way trip.
Once you start down this path, there is no turning back. While much of the effects of HRT can be reversed if stopped in time, there will come a point at about eight to nine months where you will be chemically castrated. You will be forever sterile, and probably never be able to attain a firm erection, ejaculate and have a much reduce libido. Other changes like gynecomastia may or may not recede and the only way to reduce the size of your pectorals would be through surgery.
Facial feminization surgery (FFS) breast augmentation (BA) and sex reassignment surgery (SRS or GRS or GCS) are steps that many take. But most of these surgeries are not covered by insurance and have to be paid for out of pocket. Be prepared to spend $15K - $30K for surgeries. And you will be on hormones for the rest of your life.
You are about to embark on the most difficult thing there is to do in modern society. Change your gender. From the instant of birth you are assigned a gender and it is part of just about every piece of documentation about you. Birth certificate, SSA, DMV, Armed Forces, education, credit, and much more will have to change. Some will be easy, some will be difficult, some may be impossible.
When you transition, it is a transition for you and everyone around you. Many if not most will feel blind-sided by your decision. And the relationship you have with EVERYONE will be in jeopardy. Spouses, family, friends, co-workers will forever look at you differently. Some and possibly most will turn against you and call you vile ugly things. You will be in physical jeopardy as well from those who have little tolerance for those who are different from themselves.
Honestly, if there is anything else you can do to avoid transition, then do it. But if you cannot, then there is nothing else you can do.
I maintain that this is a terminal condition. If we do not chance we will die. Literally die. The depression becomes clinical, suicidal ideation and actualization are part of our community. And many do not make it.
These are the things you will face, Jaz. We will be here for you. Through your trials and tribulations. We'll be joyous with you and hug you when you are down.
You have to walk this path by yourself.
But you will not be alone.
-Sandy
BTW: You have to have made 15 posts before you can send PM's to others. Have a quick look at our TOS, here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html
