Small ways to relieve dysphoria?

[Trixie]

As I've mentioned here previously, I have no plans to transition. This is for a number of reasons, which I won't go into right now.

Lately I've been feeling... not so well. Worse than usual about my gender issues. I was wondering if anybody had any tips or ideas on how to at least make the feelings more tolerable?

I've been thinking about... cross dressing. That's been recommended to me, but I really have never had a huge amount of interest in cross dressing, surprisingly, and I doubt it'd do anything for me.

[Felix]

I'm not a crossdresser or mtf, but when I couldn't transition I dealt with it by doing little things that people either didn't notice or didn't care much about if they did. You could try keeping your legs shaved, or getting a clearcoat manicure, or switching to nice women's shampoo. Harmless steps that might feel good.

[Danielle]

Hey Trixie,

I'm in a similar boat to your own. I too am resistant to seriously considering a transition as well. 

I'm also hesitant to offer the activities that have been useful to me because I think that gender dysphoria is different for everyone, and your own triggers and release mechanisms will likely be different from mine. In the beginning I only had cross-dressing. When I finally began addressing this curse, I began the habit of constant, intense introspection.

By maintaining mental vigilance I began to understand what situations and feelings intensified my "dissatisfaction," and in so-doing I found several methods for (somewhat) relieving the stress.

Cross-dressing was large for me I believe because socially, I relate almost 100% to the female perspective. Therefore being perceived as a woman seemed as a natural desire and taking steps to appear more androgynous as well as privately cross-dressing was a realistic and effective coping mechanism.

Coping mechanisms. If you're sure that you want to remain as you currently are (not talking about a full transition) then you are really talking about living your life as an at least partial fraud - and using coping mechanisms to alleviate the stress of doing such.

So where does your dysphoria spring from the most? When do you feel like you are faking it the most? Figure this out and the mechanisms by which you can sustain it will become more clear - as well as our abilities to help you with our own experiences.

[luna nyan]

I'm not a crossdresser or mtf, but when I couldn't transition I dealt with it by doing little things that people either didn't notice or didn't care much about if they did. You could try keeping your legs shaved, or getting a clearcoat manicure, or switching to nice women's shampoo. Harmless steps that might feel good.

Some simple safe ideas here.  I've done all of the above in the past.  Some very very careful tweezing of the brows is possible as well.  You could also grow your hair to a length where a more androgynous haircut is possible.

Something that has helped me was that I was able to make friendships with a few girls with whom I could "girl talk" over coffee.  Yes, you will be labelled as the safe guy friend, but the way that you view it in your mind is more important.  Just beware that there is a risk of it escalating somewhere where you don't want it to go.

[Kyyn]

Just from the POV of a crossdresser:
hold onto the little things that make you feel good. They'll help when you're dysphoric.

EG: a guy bumped into me in the city and said "Oh! Sorry man."
Made my week. It's what i plan to think about when im down.

Felix has a great point though!
Female deodorant, manicure. If you're comfortable, start changing the things in your house to be more feminine. You'll be surprised how much the small things help

[Ashazti]

Changing small things does help a lot.   I let my hair grow and colored it. Changed the case on my cellphone to something a bit more feminine. I've begun wearing clothes with colors you don't normally see males wear... nail polish on my toes ( I may wear socks, but I know its there)... little things.

[JoanneB]

For me the occasional cross-dressing helped. I also frequently to almost daily would wear panties rather then jockeys, sometimes even pantyhose or a camisole. It worked pretty good for 30 years or so.

[Jamie D]

As I've mentioned here previously, I have no plans to transition. This is for a number of reasons, which I won't go into right now.

Lately I've been feeling... not so well. Worse than usual about my gender issues. I was wondering if anybody had any tips or ideas on how to at least make the feelings more tolerable?

I've been thinking about... cross dressing. That's been recommended to me, but I really have never had a huge amount of interest in cross dressing, surprisingly, and I doubt it'd do anything for me.

Trixie, I understand your point of view.  I am bigendered and in a male body.  I have considered transition, but as my gender dysphoria stems from being bigendered in a mono-sexual body, I don't know if living as a woman will make me feel any more whole.

I am on T-blockers and low-dose estradiol, and that has seemed to help.

[Trixie]

Thank you everyone for the advice. That helps a lot.

Trixie, I understand your point of view.  I am bigendered and in a male body.  I have considered transition, but as my gender dysphoria stems from being bigendered in a mono-sexual body, I don't know if living as a woman will make me feel any more whole.

I am on T-blockers and low-dose estradiol, and that has seemed to help.

I'm not sure if the bigender label fits me. Maybe... I'm just so unsure of things. I can't go to a therapist so I could eventually get hormones at this time. Perhaps in the future, but that's impossible at the moment.

[Randi]

I get some satisfaction by keeping my fingernails longer and well maintained.  No polish, but they are very nice nails.

I've removed nearly all my body hair.

I also found some men's Jockey "elance" underwear that has no fly opening.  It's undeniably men's underwear, but somehow feminine.  It's so feminine that my wife put a pair of my 24 year old daughter's roomate's underwear in my drawer, because it was almost identical.

If I can't be fully feminine, I try to be "not male".  When my wife and I go out to bars and nightclubs I indulge myself by ordering "girly" drinks.  I once ordered a "pink lady" and they bartender said I must be kidding.  I said no.. that's what I want and he informed me that he didn't have all the ingredients on hand.  Chocolate Martini's, Moscato Asti Wine, and Long Island tea are among my favorites.

More than any physical attribute, I remind myself that I am really female.  All appearances to the contrary.  Society may proscribe what I can wear and how I may act, but my identity is my own.

Randi

As I've mentioned here previously, I have no plans to transition. This is for a number of reasons, which I won't go into right now.

Lately I've been feeling... not so well. Worse than usual about my gender issues. I was wondering if anybody had any tips or ideas on how to at least make the feelings more tolerable?

I've been thinking about... cross dressing. That's been recommended to me, but I really have never had a huge amount of interest in cross dressing, surprisingly, and I doubt it'd do anything for me.

[Eva Marie]

I am also bigender, and i found that dressing en femme worked for awhile..... and then it didn't. My girl mode got a taste of being out and about and now she wants to go out if she is dressed, and that is simply is not possible right now.

One of the best things that i've found (other than low dose HRT) is to keep a journal. It feels weird at first, but after while it's perfectly normal to just open it up and start scribbling when a thought or a mood strikes. And it's nice to be able to look back in time and read/remember what was going on. It has really helped me sort my feelings.

[Misato]

I started mixing in women's pants into my wardrobe even when out in male mode.  No one's ever said anything and it makes me feel better.  Really the only down side so far has been the sacrifice of real pockets even when I present as a male.