Telling a potential love interest that you're trans?

[Crypt77]

I don't know how to do this. Tell a potential love interest that I am a pre-op transman. It's not like I'm completely trying to hide it though. I believe that if I were to enter into one of those boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship at this stage, I would need to tell them no matter what - so that they'll know what they're getting themselves into. That and I'd rather be honest with them no matter what.

But how is the question.

Any advice? Tips? Suggestions?

[Sephirah]

Maybe try to gauge their feelings on the general subject beforehand, without saying anything specific to yourself. At least that way you'll have some idea of how the news will be taken, and how a potential relationship may go, before you commit to anything. If this person is open and accepting of transgendered people then it may simply be a natural progression of the conversation for you to tell them at that point. If the way they feel about people being transgendered isn't the way you were hoping for, then at least you don't get in too far and have your heart broken, and furthermore you haven't divulged anything about yourself that could potentially have been used against you if this person is openly hostile.

[Annah]

from my experiences, I get it out of the way from the get go. If they are truly interested in you they will stay. If they leave, then you will know right away how they respond to issues like this.

In terms of knowing what to say, I am usually blunt about it. I say, "If you like me, I need to tell you something. Im TG."

Lost three potential guys that way but I kept about eight so it's touch and go. Plus, if they didn't know before but know after they expressed an interest in you then you can dismiss the ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- syndrome.

[Crypt77]

Thanks for the advice you two

[nicole99]

I agree with Annah. You meet someone, you have a mutual attraction, it won't matter in most cases. I've always found people to be intrigued.

Often I will slip in in somehow, not really planning it like it is no big thing. Usually when I am talking about my kids or having an ex-wife.

I kind of don't agree with the whole gauging of feelings. Most people have not met a trans person and have nothing to base their feelings about it on except media and social beliefs. It is too easy for them to be flippant about it or have a hostile reaction from ignorance.  But meeting a real trans person is so different. Most suddenly see that actually there is nothing scary about you, and they will have a real attraction to you.

Also if they have a bad reaction to gauging their feelings what are you going to do? Not see them again? No I think it is better to be straight out with it. 

[ToriJo]

Be confident, knowing that there is nothing wrong with you, that you aren't deceiving anyone, and that you are attractive to your partner.

So tell them, but don't them ask for permission to be you.  "I am", not "I think".

Chances are, you know a lot more about trans stuff then they do - and they'll realize that.  So be the expert, at least about yourself.  Let them know that you are glad to answer questions, but that essentially you are no different than anyone else.  Be confident!

Also, you don't need to give long explanations.  Be brief initially, unless they want to have a respectful and honest conversation in more depth.

[gantz]

me, the way i do this is I always wait for the moment that they give throw L word and gauge how serious this is.

If its serious, then the first I do is set up to meet with them with me going all natural - no cosmetics and stuff - hoping they can see it with their own eyes and no words need to be said.

If theyre still dating you after that, rethink things again if you really want to get a bit serious with the person.

If you do, then just try to tell the person... that s/he mustve noticed something physically different about you at that point and ask if s/hes really cool with it. It all just depends on your comfort level you know... start vague if you must or if youre all gutsy just go for the question straight - I used to live as a man/woman. I live as what I am now then tell the person how far youre gonna go - whether you intend to take the surgery or HRT atleast - its to give the person an idea on what they would be getting themselves into, making it fair.

If someone talks smack about its unfair that you didnt tell on the first date, we dont know them yet - as my doc said, you dont expect us to tell everyone that we meet we are what we are. And a serious reason too anyway is, we do need to know them better to get an idea on how they would react - if theyre the violent type, then maybe its a better idea to not have words said and just walk away from the whole thing and say... you think youre not ready for a relationship yet, you thought you were but...