Bathrooms: Wait for Back up, til ya pass, or just do it?

[Nygeel]

I wanted to know what other's experiences about when they decided to use the right bathroom.

I haven't used the right bathroom (with multiple stalls) successfully. Using the women's bathroom seems to be the safer choice as I'm not read as male often enough. I've been considering taking the plunge, go out with a lot of supportive friends and use the men's bathroom. That way if something bad happens I would at least have people there (meaning in the same building) for support. Other options include just going somewhere and doing it, or not using the bathroom.

So, when did you start using the right bathroom? What made you feel ready to do it?

[Hayzer12]

Even before going on T, everyone read me as male with my binder and hair short. I wasn't even on Testosterone when using the male bathroom first. However, I really think you'll be ok in one, Nygeel. Try it out at a movie theater, or mall, etc first so that you can get a feel for whether or not you pass in there. Most of the time, if you act confident enough, not scared and as if you really do belong in there, then no one will question you. I have seen a lot of feminine or andro looking guys while using the mens bathroom and I live in a small town in TN, where the stereotypical guy is a redneck or a beefy mofo with tats.

Remember most people don't even think about trans people, and even less of them when thinking of trans people think of FTMs.

Try to be careful using mens rooms at sports bars and pool halls though, because sometimes they can only have one stall - and sometimes that one stall does not have a door separating you from others and all the cover you have is a wall dividing the toilet from the urinals.

I wouldn't suggest going in with a lot of friends. It looks weird. None of my guy friends go into the restroom with me. In fact, if we're all drinking and some of us have to use the restroom, we either wait til the other gets back or go a couple seconds later. I have never went into a bathroom with another guy before, because I think that actually puts you more on the spot than going in along; it draws an incredible amount of attention.

If you go in with confidence, don't really make eye contact, then I assure you that you'll do fine. Just like I said, try a theater restroom first or at a family mall. Somewhere friendly. Bars and clubs should be tried after you feel comfortable.

[Nygeel]

I did use the men's room at a gay club and was kicked out of that club by security (hence the fear). That was also an evening where I felt really good about how I looked and figured that as a gay space I would be safe. Outside of bathrooms I almost never get seen as male.

I wasn't going to go into the bathroom with friends, but going out with a lot of friends (ex: all of us going to dinner then me using the bathroom alone).

[Hayzer12]

I did use the men's room at a gay club and was kicked out of that club by security (hence the fear). That was also an evening where I felt really good about how I looked and figured that as a gay space I would be safe.

I wasn't going to go into the bathroom with friends, but going out with a lot of friends (ex: all of us going to dinner then me using the bathroom alone).

Oh, then yeah if it would make you feel better to have them in the same building then sure... and lol your voice is deep as hell now.. all you have to do is speak if someone is giving you a hard time and they'll stfu.

The instance about the gay club is RIDICULOUS. I would have been so pissed that I would have done something about it. Most gay clubs here don't have gender restrictions on bathrooms anyway. I see guys in female bathrooms, and girls in the mens restroom. Gay guys love the company of their female companions in the restroom apparently and vice versa LOL

[Kreuzfidel]

I started when I was being read as male nearly 100 percent of the time.  Then I got paranoid about not having an STP and stopped - I intend to use the mensroom again when I master the STP, but in Australia we have disabled toilets most everywhere so I just use those.  I can't use the womens toilets though because I had a terrible experience last time since they read me as male.  I use the mensroom if there isn't a disabled one.

[Nygeel]

Oh, then yeah if it would make you feel better to have them in the same building then sure... and lol your voice is deep as hell now.. all you have to do is speak if someone is giving you a hard time and they'll stfu.

It hasn't worked that way for me. People tend to just assume I have a cold/smoker voice or something.

The instance about the gay club is RIDICULOUS. I would have been so pissed that I would have done something about it. Most gay clubs here don't have gender restrictions on bathrooms anyway. I see guys in female bathrooms, and girls in the mens restroom. Gay guys love the company of their female companions in the restroom apparently and vice versa LOL

I was pissed about it (I was considering doing the childish revenge thing) but they closed down, so I guess they got something back.

[conformer]

I started using the right bathroom after much harassment using the female bathroom in school. I was kinda living two lives at one point and at school I continued to use the female bathroom and outside of school I used the male bathroom. I didn't pass at all for female and it was just unnecessary attention that made me uncomfortable and it was outside of school anyways.

I guess just the fact that I passed 100% of the time and the uneasy feeling of people calling me out for going in the female bathroom finally made me feel ready to use the mens.

[Adio]

I remember using locked, single stall bathrooms when I was still presenting as male part-time.  I think after I got out of junior college, I used men's bathroom exclusively as this is when I started presenting as male full-time.  My progression went from single stall or unisex to secluded, low traffic to busy, higher traffic restrooms.

The first couple times you might want to have "back up" around.  But after gaining some more confidence, I'd say just go for it.  I've been reading your presentation as more and more male lately.  Other people should hopefully start doing the same.

[Natkat]

I started around.. hmm 7 8 grade maybe??
I got alot of problems for using it, not only did I not always pass pre everything, but I where also strickly forbidden to do it so if I get catch it would be bad and it happent a few.

I guess I started to use the mens toilet since it seamed wierd to put so much energy in proving myself to be a boy and then just go to the girl toilet,
seamed stupid I guess that was the reason but I didnt feel confortable either in the girls room.

[Nygeel]

Adio, sadly it's still the same situation socially. Still hardly ever seen as male, but I know I've changed a lot.

[Adio]

Adio, sadly it's still the same situation socially. Still hardly ever seen as male, but I know I've changed a lot.

Ugh.  That's gotta be incredibly frustrating.  Just a thought..it didn't occur to me until just now after reading insideontheoutside's "passing experiment" thread.  Perhaps it's your location that is keeping you from being read correctly.  More gender variant people, more trans awareness?  I'm not suggesting you move or anything!  Just wondering if that might be a factor in all of this.

[Nygeel]

Ugh.  That's gotta be incredibly frustrating.  Just a thought..it didn't occur to me until just now after reading insideontheoutside's "passing experiment" thread.  Perhaps it's your location that is keeping you from being read correctly.  More gender variant people, more trans awareness?  I'm not suggesting you move or anything!  Just wondering if that might be a factor in all of this.

Might be? I'm not in a super conservative area...I guess mildly conservative. I mean, in my area our legislatures are Republican and my county doesn't have trans employment protections but a county over in any direction does.

If anything it would be more open to (cis) gay men and women.

[lexical]

I waited til I was passing consistently... when I appeared androgynous or was only occasionally being read as male I avoided public restrooms altogether. It sucked for sure but it was better to me than the alternative (getting called out). But that's up to you, if you're confident enough to stand your ground and handle a situation like that -- go for it.

When I was in in your shoes, I pretty much avoided public restrooms completely and if I absolutely had to go I'd use the women's as discreetly as possible.

[N.Chaos]

I started when my passing was about 50/50, before I even had a binder, when I just couldn't take it anymore. I had an anxiety attack in the ladies' room, said "to hell with this" and just booked across the hall to the mens'. No incident. Only time I've ever had even a look was by an older guy, and I looked like a total freak.

Granted, I've only ever used stalls, and I usually try and figure it so either the bathroom is empty, I'm with someone I know, or there's one of that awkward passing-each-other-before-pissing BS. If there's someone in the urinal, I'll go in/out, but if there's someone coming in, leaving, or at the sink I just wait.