Starting the Conversation - A Rant

[Ashley_C]

I'm sitting here on vacation with my parents. Recently I've begun the pressure from my mom to get married and give her grandkids.

They both made light mention of it the other night and I gave them a sarcastic chuckle and that killed it.

I know I'm being passive-aggressive about this since I am hoping that before they go back home this weekend they bring it up so I can then tell them. I'm expecting a bit of shock and maybe a bit of surprise. I don't really expect any real negativeness but it doesn't make it that much easier.

Of course part of me just wants to scream it at them but I know that isn't wise for anyone involved. I'm out to no one. I just want to tell them and then my sister. Once that happens, I will be ready to begin HRT.

I don't want to just blurt it out. Saying it in a fit of frustration in talking about marriage and kids wouldn't help either.

I know I need to take my time and do it properly, calm and collected.

I'm not worried about my friends. I love them but if they are truly my friends they will support me, if not, they aren't my friends and I can make new ones. I can't find another family.

I'm not necessarily looking for comments to this, I just needed to get out for my own sanity's sake.

In a perfect world, I will be out to everyone and be on HRT before the end of the summer. We shall see...

[Bexi]

I empathize with you - for such a seemingly small thing, its still one of the most daunting things to do during transistion. I would just sit them down and start a serious conversation. Remember it will also be a big thing for them aswell. They will have questions which they will need answered and a serious conversation, like after a good dinner with a relaxed atmosphere, would probably be best. As you said, calm and collected is best. Frustration leads to anger* and that will lead to hurtful comments and an inability to process what they're hearing.

As an aside, who are you closer to, your sister or your parents? Maybe after telling one of them and having them as a pillar of strength to turn to whilst your telling the other party would be good?

(*puts on Yoda voice)

[Ashley_C]

I'm closer with my parents but I think telling my sister will be easier than parents.

I just feel my parents deserve to know first.

I won't be seeing any of them again until June. I live on the opposite coast (U.S.A.) as they all do.

[Bexi]

I appreciate the thinking, but do they really need/deserve ranking of importance? If it helps, why not have a supportive sister to elp you when you break the news? At the very least, she'll have new or different arguments than yours which may help your parents in their acceptance.

Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and brothers, but when I tell them (yeah im a coward and havent said a word to them yet lol - 1 of my brothers and my mum has realised but the rest haven't cottoned on yet) I'd like to have someone to turn to who I know i can rely on and is supportive of me.

But in the end, its your decision. Personally I feel such tough conversations really make-or-break our resolve to transistion. At the end of the day, if your willing to reveal all to your family and endure that ordeal then you have the willpower to fulfil your dream 😀

[Ashley_C]

I get what you're saying. My sister can be supportive but I don't think she's going to be there as a support system with my parents.

I know all families are different. I just see my parents as the crutch I need to get over, not my sister. I see it as the major hurdle I need to cross to start my journey. My sister is more of a weigh station - not trying to cheapen our relationship, just...

[justmeinoz]

I hope you can work things out and still keep your family close.
When my late father-in-law asked when my wife and I were going to have another (3rd) child I told him if he wanted another one so desperately, he could have it instead.  End of that subject.

Karen.

[Bexi]

I know all families are different. I just see my parents as the crutch I need to get over, not my sister. I see it as the major hurdle I need to cross to start my journey. My sister is more of a weigh station - not trying to cheapen our relationship, just...

I understand - parental approval is often more important to us than that of others. We spend most of our lives trying to impress them and make them proud of us.

But unfortunately theres no easy way to do it other than bite the bullet and sit them down and tell them how you feel, why you feel you need to transistion and gradually persuade them to accept your intentions. Its not gonna be easy but like you said its an important hurdle that we all have to cross.
Let us know how you get on 
Hugs and best wishes
X

[Ashley_C]

The closest I got this weekend was telling my mom I was seeing a therapist.

After a vague back and forth where she was trying to get more information, I just let her know that this was the reason I did not call this girl that a family friend has been trying to set me up with.

She immediately thought I was saying I was gay. I told her that wasn't it and we left it at that.

Should be noted that this was a conversation happening on a patio at a hotel and then parking lot.

She cried a little because she thought I was so unhappy, too. I'm not unhappy. I'm happy with my life, just not my gender. I now know that I need to let her know this when I do get the courage to tell them.

[Bexi]

Urgh, I know the feeling of having something big to divulge, then waiting for the perfect opening ... and waiting... and waiting... and realising you've missed it! Or the opportunity never presents itself, in which it feels like a wasted night.

Obviously the location(s) didnt help; as you said earlier, it isn't a topic you can just blurt out, but needs to be handled cautiously.

Maybe leading with your last line -"I'm not unhappy. I'm happy with my life, just not my gender" - would provide a good starting point in a conversation which you could develop further. Also, is there any progress with your sister?

I hope it goes well
X

[Ashley_C]

Also, is there any progress with your sister?

No. I'm focused on my parents.

I talked about this with my GT on Wednesday. She didn't really have an opinion but just thought it's something to do as one sees fit. In this situation, I just feel I have to tell my parents first.

Toughest hill to climb...