Hey everyone!
I've turned a page in my life where things have changed and I feel like it's for the better. While I wish in my heart of hearts I could serve this country as the man I am, in order to be accepted just to serve I must temporarily back into the closet. Mind you, I'm not hiding. Hell-to-the-no, son! I'll be sure to attend Prides and what have you when I can. That being said, last week was my first year on T. Last week was also my last injection. From here on out I'm ghettoing ->-bleeped-<- to get by and into the military.
Now before anyone wigs out and thinks I'm crazy cause I'm so hard core about trans-rights, etc. I still very much know I am male and a gay man at that. That will never, EVER change and was something my therapist assured me of. We actually had a bit of a chuckle because she agreed that my time in basic will probably be spent with everyone reading me as a butch lesbian (which I ironically have no problem with. I love butch lesbians. They kick so much ass!) and that I'll have to work harder.
I spoke with my mother and while she's coming to terms with my transition, she also thinks this is a good route and told me "I feel like doing this, I will know you are far more mature and can face the demands of living as male. If you make it through this, I will support you". On that, she also agreed to help me pay for Depo shots so I don't have to deal with that evil red river. I think I'm gonna let it happen once (to clear stuff out) but then I'm going on the shots and will hopefully be allowed to have them if/when I need them once enlisted.
That being said, I'm nervous about training. Now I realize it'll be a while for the effects to 'break down' enough that I pass as female again but it'll be some time before I get into shape. By the Corps standard, for my height, I need to be 137lbs. Speaking to a FTM (who shall remain nameless for his safety) who serves in the Army, he said he's actually 140 when he signed on two years ago, when they wanted him to be 130 for his height BUT that the gunny measured him for body fat versus muscle. They realized the extra 10 were because this kid is ripped. (I envy him!)
Due to the intensity of training, I want to really push my self.
Thanks to my age and education, the recruiter said I could shoot for officer if I wished it.
I suppose I'm just nervous about passing the IST, PFT, and CFT. Getting up to the point of running 3-miles in under 30 is going to be tough. Lifting 30lbs 44 times for a perfect score? I wanna, but not sure I'll be able to. Being able to run a 1.5 gauntlet after being beaten down in under 15? Oh boy...
Essentially, I just want some advice, thoughts, and tips. Please, please, please spare me the hate. I AM transitioning right after I get down with my tours but right now? Defending and serving are a childhood dream that I want to achieve for myself at any cost.
