Laverne Cox
Actress, producer and transgender advocate; co-creator and star, 'TRANSform Me'
The Right to Dream: Jenna Talackova's Miss Universal Slight
Posted: 03/30/2012 1:16 pm
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laverne-cox/jenna-talackova-miss-universe_b_1390420.htmlDo transgender people have the right to dream? This is what comes up for me most predominantly when I think about the recent disqualification of Jenna Talackova from competing in Miss Universe Canada because she is, in their words, not a "natural born female." She is transgender. Initially when I heard about this, I was like, "Well, yeah, that's been the rule for a really long time. That's just the way it is, and it's just a beauty pageant. Who cares?" What makes me sad about my initial response is that it demonstrates how used to my second-class citizenship I have become, that I, this supposedly empowered person, was willing to say, "Well, that's just the way it is."
But after a text message debate with an attorney acquaintance of mine about the legalities of the situation and his cavalier dismissal of her case, my true feelings surfaced: my anger toward him and, ultimately, toward myself. I was furious that this man, who secretly has sex with trans women, is completely uninterested in our systemic discrimination. I was also mad at myself for having dated men like him, men who use trans women for sex but are complicit in our systemic oppression; mad at myself that the lies that I told myself that allowed me to date men like him linger in my subconscious, lies like, "Because I am a trans woman, I can't do any better, so I should be grateful for whatever I can get, especially from a man who is considered attractive and successful," or lies like, "I should settle for being treated badly, because there just aren't that many options for me." Of course, intellectually I have known for a long time that I deserve more, but subconsciously I have believed that I am less-than because I am black and trans. I internalized racist and transphobic thinking. Though those feelings of being less-than subconsciously linger and find themselves creeping up in unexpected ways, today I practice worthiness so that those old tapes of internalized racist and transphobic shame will eventually be forever erased. I am worthy to dream, because I am human.
