Just to add a few random, nonsensical musings to the mix:
Perhaps your wife's reaction is less about you, and more about her. What I mean is that some people build their identities around things they like to do, or things they're 'supposed' to like and dislike. It gives them a sense of who they are. Like... hmm... the football-watching, beer-chugging, have-a-bunch-of-the-guys-over-for-lots-of-red-meat-and-seeing-who-can-produce-the-national-anthem-with-combined-bodily-emissions, ritual-type events. Advertising is aimed point blank at some things for cis women, and some things for cis men. Whether that's right or wrong, it's the law of statistics and where they can make the most money. But people do often play along to that, because it's a subconscious reinforcement of some people's identity to be told by others, who must be in the know, that they're doing what they should be doing.
Maybe rather than being in denial about your identity, your wife is uncertain about her own - maybe because something she previously thought was solely her domain, her Ritual of Affirmation, if you like, has proved to be not so much her own ritual, and so not as affirming as she thought it was. Maybe that's caused her to lose her equilibrium somewhat, and that was the reason for the rather tense reaction on her part.
Perhaps it's the case sometimes that the more differences between people we perceive as different to ourselves turn into similarities, the harder it becomes to find something within that dynamic to maintain ones own identity. Where once was the assertion that "Well you're like that, and I'm like this, so you're that and I'm this", there's now "okay, so you were like that and now you're like this... so how do I know I'm still like this myself and not like that instead?" (I apologise if that made no sense - it sounded better in my head).
Maybe your wife is just scared of losing the identifiers of what makes her feel like a woman, or scared of having to find things not so... hmm... stereotypical? While the theory of such is one thing, and when you're just discussing concepts and feelings - nebulous ideas which go no further than discussion - then people can be fine with it. But maybe in some cases, the more real it gets and the more people feel their own Rituals of Affirmation being usurped, that's where the resistance comes. Perhaps that does lead to a reluctance on her part to admit that you identify as partly a woman, but I'm not sure it's as much to try and deny your identity as it is to preserve her own.
*big hug* I can imagine the kind of position it puts you in though, hon. You are who you are. For what it's worth, I find you a fascinating and beautiful person, and I really hope you manage to work it out between you.
