Oh my,.. this is going to be an awkward meeting...

[Renee D]

she knew it was a possibility.

I'm only asking to get an idea of where you are coming from on it.  I know I downplayed it to both of my spouses to the point that I made it seem insignificant.  Its easy to do without realizing the later implications of it.  Just curious as to how much of a possibility it seemed to her at the time.

[Felix]

Major changes within relationships are often destabilizing and difficult, trans or not. I really hope you and your wife meet somewhere in the middle and find some harmony.

[Beverley]

We had it out afterwards. But I'm done with that crap. next time she wants to do that, I will get up and leave. She can walk her happy butt home. That's just how done with it I really am.

What justification did she give you for treating you like that? How did look you in the eye and say 'What I did was right'. I always like to look at the positive side of things but I am having trouble finding it in this situation.

I am sorry - I really am.

[Keaira]

Well, I'm putting my efforts to getting up the cash so I can go get my name changed. I'm just tired of fighting to be myself.  Maybe I was hard on her. I don't know. All I know is that As much as I keep trying to lay John David to rest, my wife, along with  a bunch of people I work with just won't let him go. My parents seem to have embraced me just fine, why can't the rest of the world fall in line with them?

[justmeinoz]

I wonder why partners prefer to create problems when they really need to consider the ramifications of having to explain to their children why the other partner killed themselves?

[Beverley]

Well, I'm putting my efforts to getting up the cash so I can go get my name changed. I'm just tired of fighting to be myself. 

Is it expensive? Over here it costs £35 to have it done officially and you can do it online. I always thought we had insane bureauracy over here but when I see what goes on in other countries the UK starts to look really efficient. It quite shocks me.

Maybe I was hard on her. I don't know. All I know is that As much as I keep trying to lay John David to rest, my wife, along with  a bunch of people I work with just won't let him go. My parents seem to have embraced me just fine, why can't the rest of the world fall in line with them?

I guess some people just refuse to adapt. This sort of thing does make it clear why a lot of trans folk just decide to start all over again. I am not saying that YOU should - just that I am understanding more and more why others do it.

[Keaira]

Is it expensive? Over here it costs £35 to have it done officially and you can do it online. I always thought we had insane bureauracy over here but when I see what goes on in other countries the UK starts to look really efficient. It quite shocks me.


I guess some people just refuse to adapt. This sort of thing does make it clear why a lot of trans folk just decide to start all over again. I am not saying that YOU should - just that I am understanding more and more why others do it.

I had it changed in the UK. However, since I live in the US, I don't think the US Government will accept Deed polls as proof. I was born in Scotland. I took that step so I could get a new birth certificate later on.

As for starting over, I will do that eventually, once my documents have been changed, I will start looking elsewhere. I need to get a job where I can start over as Keaira.

Oh, and when I pass a little better.

[Beverley]

I had it changed in the UK. However, since I live in the US, I don't think the US Government will accept Deed polls as proof. I was born in Scotland. I took that step so I could get a new birth certificate later on.

Well, if you ever plan on returning to this wet, windy and currently sleet-sodden isle the govt is currently scheduling legislation to recognise civil gay marriage and simply the process of getting a Gender Recognition Certificate with allows the Birth Certificate to be changed.

[Keaira]

that's wonderful! ^_^

[Beverley]

Keaira,

I have been thinking about you and your situation and I have had some unsavoury thoughts.

Do you get visibly upset when they misgender you? I ask because I know that there are people out there who enjoy watching others suffer. The Germans even have a word for it - shadenfreude (sp?). It could be that these people misgender you so you can get visibly annoyed and provide them with 10 seconds of entertainment.

Maybe you simply need to fail to respond to people until they get it right - show no reaction?

Just a thought....

[Renee D]

Keaira,

I have been thinking about you and your situation and I have had some unsavoury thoughts.

Do you get visibly upset when they misgender you? I ask because I know that there are people out there who enjoy watching others suffer. The Germans even have a word for it - shadenfreude (sp?). It could be that these people misgender you so you can get visibly annoyed and provide them with 10 seconds of entertainment.

Maybe you simply need to fail to respond to people until they get it right - show no reaction?

Just a thought....

That does seem to work with some of the worse ones too. After a while, they just give up as they are usually just left looking like idiots when others are around.

[Keaira]

That occurred to me a while back. I usually just  ignore it. I've done all I can to educate. Some pull the religion card, some I think do it because Keaira is a little hard to remember. Same with being misgendered. And some refuse to just let it go. There are employees that somehow don't forget my name or new gender at all.
My friend, Dana, said she couldn't work there anymore if she hoped to go full time.

[Alainaluvsu]

I would say its time to move on from that job, and anyone else that you feel cannot see you for who you are.

[Rabbit]

She offered to change my name on the paperwork that my wife signed, saying ".. But John's not here is he?

I don't know... if someone said this to me, I would get kind of (really) angry. It just seems so condescending.

I don't know, maybe it fit within the context?

[Alainaluvsu]

I don't know... if someone said this to me, I would get kind of (really) angry. It just seems so condescending.

I don't know, maybe it fit within the context?

I would say it is supportive.  Keairas wife is the one in the wrong by saying keaira is not allowed to make a decision in changing the name on the paperwork.

Im sorry but i really do not see things working out between yall because she doesnt sound happy at all with the thought of being married to a female.