The Worst Week...

[MaxAloysius]

Just need to vent guys, please bare with me....

This week has been terrible! First someone tried to steal all of my money through an internet transfer, and almost succeded. Because of it I had to go into the bank in person to fix things up, and using my old ID gave me away completely. I must have heard at least 20 'she's in the space of half an hour while I was there, and I got told off by the woman on the phone for giving away my bank account details when I did no such thing!

Then yesterday I had a big heart-breaking conversation with the guy I love, and he basically explained that he wants to be with me, and has no real reason for not being with me, but that he can't be because he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend of six years, and can't imagine life without her.

Then today I got 'ma'am'd at the bus interchange by a guy who knew me before transition, and while at the register for KFC the girl there who had known me from before told my friend and I 'Here you go girls'. To top it all off I went back to work only to have this guy I love slip and call me 'she' for the first time in months. He hated himself for saying it and was so upset that he'd done it; he said he had no idea where it came from, but the damage to both of us was already done.

After all of that, I got home today to find that my mother and our guest who have both been successfully calling me 'he' for weeks now had both switched back to calling me 'she'.

WTF is going on?! Why has everything gone from amazing to ->-bleeped-<- in the space of a second, and why the hell do all of these people think it's fine to call me something I'm clearly not?! At close to ten months on T I look 100% male and pass completely to those who don't know me.

I just can't believe the last few days. I really wish it would all go away.

[Kreuzfidel]

Bane, you know I think you're such an awesome guy and I barely even know you - don't let people project onto you.  I'm sorry it's been a rough go - honestly when it rains it pours.  Just remember that the people who are ma'aming you knew you before and obviously have their own issues.  I hope you corrected them with the "ma'aming" and "she-ing" - you have to stand up for yourself.  I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but to me he's not bf material if he would rather spare someone else's feelings than treat you right.  It will look up, though - this, too, will pass.

[Felix]

Wow Bane what an awful series of events. I hope it gets better for you.

[Ayden]

:\ That sounds terrible, man. I hope things look up for you soon. And don't apologize for venting, I will speak for myself and say I don't think people around here mind at all. I'm sending virtual hugs, man.

[MaxAloysius]

Thanks for the replies guys.

The thing I'm finding the hardest to deal with is the effect all of this has had on my mental processing; I think I feel like a girl again! Ack, it's hard to explain, but for the last couple of months I've known I'm a man, in the same way that you know you breath, but over the last few days I've gone back to feeling like a woman trying to be a man.

It hurts every time my brain spits the wrong feeling or knowledge back at me, and everything all stacking up at once is making it so much harder to cope... T.T

[Zerro]

I think most people have periods of self-doubt, especially after negative event after negative event piling up. It becomes trying and painful to deal with, and sometimes folks will fight with themselves over anything. Identity, sexuality, career choice, etc etc. It's been a rough week for you, man. I know it sucks, especially after all these bombshells, but trust me, you're cool and can make it through. Things will get better, and then they might get worse. Life's kind of a rollercoaster in that respect. But it's looking forward to the good experiences and feelings that helps get you through the bad times.

You are awesome. Remember that. If people are treating you like a girl now, screw 'em. If it happens again, have a witty retort in place. Sometimes a sharp comeback can leave people stunned and make you feel better for standing up for yourself. Stay strong, Bane.

[Felix]

Zerro put it better than I can. Pretend I said all that, and that I rephrased it. I agree.

[meh]

I feel your pain. Unlike you though, 13 months and 2 weeks on T and I only pass 50% of the time.  Some days I get he'd all day long, some I get she'd all day long. It hurts my brain.

When people I know do it, I just politely correct them. -.- Nothing else you can do really.

[Squirrel698]

At times the feels like it's all to much.  Yet the fight is always worth fighting for in the end.  Keep on fighting Bane, this is one small week compared to the many joyful ones soon to come.