As some of you may know, I am or was a mtf for several years, but over the last year I've kinda grown to not like being a woman very much... Or rather, grown to miss being a boy. So, my plan is to live my spring/summer as a boy, and maybe go back to living as a girl over the winter depending on how this summer goes.
Recently, I've started dressing androgynous/boyish on the weekends and after work. I thought that it would be an easy jump back into manhood, but ironically I'm finding it just as hard as when I transitioned to female.. If not harder. Oddly enough, I don't pass as a boy. I've been finding myself pointed to the women's restroom, approached and hit on by men, and still called miss everywhere I go. I've yet to be called he or sir.
To make matters even more confusing, I'm terrified of men now because I'm so little and feminine, which makes me more inclined to play the female role around them out of fear for my safety.
The other night I showed up at a club with jeans and a tank top on, Considering I'm still flat chested I figured it would scream boy. Oddly, I was greeted at the door as miss and eyed by men all night. I even asked a boy who approached me with his number, why do you not think I'm a guy? He said it was my face, my movements, my voice and how I carried myself. I feel like at this point I could walk down the street with my pants off and people would still call me she. I'm beginning to see things from a ftms perspective, and they aren't really how I anticipated they would be. I never thought going out as a guy would be a fearful thing, but now that I am finding it a very scary and intimidating thought to be thrown in with the boys. It's kinda putting a damper on my summer plans to go as a boy/androgynous.
