A Question For The Ladies....

[King Malachite]

Hi there I hope I'm not intruding on anything and I didn't know the best way to to word this question in the title.  I hope no one finds this question offensive.

Before transitioning were you ever concerned about losing what some may consider "male privlilege" or just the whole concept/aura of being a "dominant strong male" perhaps or something of the sort?  How did did you handle it and was that part of the reason you may have held off transitioning?

[pretty]

Well people talk about this sometimes and I always say...

I never had male privilege to begin with.

IRL I am shy and anxious. Also short and small. Sometimes people would call me smart in a patronizing sort of way. At most they would ask me to do things for them.

I never had a life as a male. It didn't even get off the ground. I didn't finish school, I didn't even go to high school, or enter the working world. The most recent I had a male friend, I was 11 years old and even then we didn't really get along. So I was never "one of the guys," and even though I fit in better with the girls they still looked at me as a male.

Overall it was a complete disaster and I couldn't handle male expectations, and they were plainly just wrong and crippling for me. I didn't have time to experience any privilege because I was too busy not fitting the expectations and stereotypes that come with that privilege.

[grrl1nside]

My internet is acting up so going to type really fast in case it conks out, so don't get hung up on typos or grammar...

Male privilege has never been a concern for me and I've slowly worked at undermining it in my work scenario. I noticed that I was privileged in meetings for instance when it came to speaking and people accepting my ideas so I started to play the supporter of co-workers ideas. I spoke less and became more attentive. The other place that male privilege has been most obvious for me is as first born male, but truth is I have always been a bit of a disappointment in that regards (growing up my dad used to take me out on long walks to chat and usually inquire as to whether I was gay or on drugs!  ) Neither, by the way although I suppose if/when I transition I would be a lesbian. As for 'strong male', well... I've never been that. I was always bullied growing up and had my sexual orientation questioned (by family, friends, and schoolmates).

In fact, the only male privilege that I did easily take on was being 6'2" and 250lbs... Now, I'm 6'2" and 180 which is much less intimidating at 40 yrs old.

Truth is, the 3 top things slowing down my full transition:
(1) I have young kids and although many say that under 5 year olds are fairly adaptable, I want to make things as easy as possible and if it will hurt them then I would rather suffer than them.
(2) I want my spouse to be truly comfortable (she has come a long way and now is fully on side and asking when I'm going to see the gender therapist).
(3) My family is my family and not a concern as they are what they are. But my wife's family are much older and more traditional, I don't want my decision to harm their relationship with her. This one is much more challenging and is a work in progress mainly through subtle changes right now so it doesn't seem like such a leap. Ultimately, I don't believe that my transitioning should harm others or their relationships.

So, my hang-ups are few, and have little to do with male privilege or myself. It is about others in my life that I value and care for deeply. I have thought at times it would be easies if I could do SRS, enough feminsation that I could see myself as myself, but not so much that others would have to be at risk or negatively impacted by my decisions. In the end, I know that it would never end there regardless and I would maximise everything but this then slows down the decision as I truly am trying to build my supportive network and bringing as many on side as I can.

[Alainaluvsu]

No. I don't care to have any "male privilege" ... I have always hated every expectation of me to perform like a male, and that's what comes with it when people give you that privilege.

[MacKenzie]

Hi there I hope I'm not intruding on anything and I didn't know the best way to to word this question in the title.  I hope no one finds this question offensive.

Before transitioning were you ever concerned about losing what some may consider "male privlilege" or just the whole concept/aura of being a "dominant strong male" perhaps or something of the sort?  How did did you handle it and was that part of the reason you may have held off transitioning?

  Not really, the only thing I was concerned with was my appearance as a woman. I know that sounds terribly vain but hey lets face it if your an ugly woman in this world life is gonna be tough and your gonna have to work your ass off just like a man.
 
  Sad but true. 

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Male privilege can be a trap, especially if one is really a woman.  You are expected to be all those things society thinks you should be, and that gets to be a drag on one's female soul.

Male privilege is not for this girl.. You can have my share anytime, Malachite.

And yes it kept me from starting a lot sooner, til I realized that I did not want or need it in the first place.

[Stephe]

Hi there I hope I'm not intruding on anything and I didn't know the best way to to word this question in the title.  I hope no one finds this question offensive.

Before transitioning were you ever concerned about losing what some may consider "male privlilege" or just the whole concept/aura of being a "dominant strong male" perhaps or something of the sort?  How did did you handle it and was that part of the reason you may have held off transitioning?

It didn't affect me wanting or not wanting to transition but I am amazed how much differently women are treated from men. Especially by men. I never was a "strong male" but men do get a pass on many things women don't, no matter how manly the man is or isn't. I was a super girly "man" for many years but still had "male privilege"

Again it's mainly how men treat women. Most now see me as helpless and dumb. I can't just go like buy a computer part without some guy trying to "help me" or question I know what I'm talking about. "You probably should let someone else look at this for you" is a common thing I hear now. They guys at the hardware store look at me like I'm crazy for asking for something like a plumbing part there. "Did your husband send you with a list?" Don't even get me started about dealing with car stuff as a woman lol. I have learned this is part of being a woman and just laugh when it happens.

And no, I'm not going to become helpless, weak and dumb to fit their stereotype/view of how women are.

[Annah]

Hi there I hope I'm not intruding on anything and I didn't know the best way to to word this question in the title.  I hope no one finds this question offensive.

Before transitioning were you ever concerned about losing what some may consider "male privlilege" or just the whole concept/aura of being a "dominant strong male" perhaps or something of the sort?  How did did you handle it and was that part of the reason you may have held off transitioning?

honestly, i never cared for male privilege. I find the wonderful experiences of being treated like a woman far more rewarding than any male privilege I once had.

Also, I learn to adapt. For example, I chose a denomination that ordains women and see women as equals to men.

Also, I enjoy it when my bf opens the door for me, pays for our dates, etc. It's refreshing. I once had a die hard feminist transgirl who was once my friend call me weak for thinking like that. I promptly removed her from my life. I consider myself feminist too, but I do enjoy the "female privileges" too.

[Alainaluvsu]

Again it's mainly how men treat women. Most now see me as helpless and dumb. I can't just go like buy a computer part without some guy trying to "help me" or question I know what I'm talking about. "You probably should let someone else look at this for you" is a common thing I hear now. They guys at the hardware store look at me like I'm crazy for asking for something like a plumbing part there. "Did your husband send you with a list?" Don't even get me started about dealing with car stuff as a woman lol. I have learned this is part of being a woman and just laugh when it happens.

And no, I'm not going to become helpless, weak and dumb to fit their stereotype/view of how women are.

Sorry but, I extend the stereotype on those things. IDK nothing about most of that stuff. I know a lil about computers but not much. At the hardware store I'm always asking what I need to look for. Car stuff? Forget it lol.. I know where the engine is and I can change the air filter. Anything else and I get time it lube to deal with it

[Keaira]

I can pretty much say that I didn't even have it. No need to rehash the same story as others, But all in all, not much has really changed for me.

[Kahlan Amnell]

I miss getting beaten up, shamed, ridiculed, rejected, laughed at, spit on--yeah, I had to give all that up.

[Michelle.]

The only thing I'll eventually miss is being able to pee standing up, when needed.

[Alainaluvsu]

The only thing I'll eventually miss is being able to pee standing up, when needed.

hahaha!! No joke. Not looking forward to mastering the hover.

[AbraCadabra]

I never took note of "male privilege" as such – and if it was inferred -that I had such- it only made me crinch, or feel sort of uncomfortable.
Like: "No, not ME please!"

The only privilege I "took out" for myself was to become girlie, yet chauvinistic after my divorce some 32 years ago.
It was more a case of dealing with my jealousy of not being who I ultimately knew I was – female. So my "male privilege" was to make an ass of myself, plenty of times.

Now... it is a bit like in the movie "Switch".
I often think about the irony of it all. Though it does not change in any ways the fact, or situation, my being female.
I have a son who has now a lovely young daughter – I may not see much, if any, BTW.
According to "Switch" I now may die in peace... oh well.
I do hope to have some time left to do that still, - yet the parallels are quite startling.

Now so much for "male privige" hum.

Axélle
PS: having a pee standing up a privilege... honey you gotta be joking!
Much prefer to squat - just my take, and as always YMMV

[Arctic Kat]

I don't remember where I heard this phrase, but it seems to express how I feel about "male privilege:"

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be liked for what you are not."

If I were given "male privilege," it would not make me feel good.

[Cindy]

There are so many definitions of male privilege that it becomes a bit difficult to approach.

Before I start I think it is an interesting and intelligent question to ask.

I never had male physical privilege but that can be overlooked by other males if they think you are one of the group anyway, it just means you will never be 'alpha' in the group but few are and that dynamic is fluid among male groups. A sports person will always be more alpha than any other in the group etc etc.

Male privilege in society I always find difficult to define. This is very society based, in Australian western society I'm not sure if there is a lot of male privilege granted to men by woman.

Male privilege of not doing stuff around the home is still a problem, but I think decreasing where I live and I think that is a generational thing. I find men want to spend time with their children, take them out shopping etc and live a home family life.

Bizarrely, I think there is female privilege that we don't want to give up. I like looking after my home and it is my 'nest' and I'm proud and happy with it.

At work, OK I'm an odd ball, in my profession intelligence, retentive memory and experience is everything. Gender doesn't matter at all.

Which is something that doesn't always go down well with professionals joining from other countries that have male privilege.

Cindy

[Jamie D]

"Male privilege" got me hypertension, heart bypass surgery, and a series of mini-strokes.

To hell with "male privilege."

[annette]

I was getting female privilege in return, believe me, a lot better.
Male privilege didn't suit me in the first place

[justmeinoz]

I was talking to a friend today and this topic came up.   As far as I can see it is something that is taken, not given.
And, in my case, the privilege of bullying me without fear of suffering any consequences by whatever  the "powers that be" were at the time.

Karen. 

[luna nyan]

TBH, I remember distinctly being forced down gender roles as a kid.
I used to want to help out in the kitchen and I was banned.

I guess dealing with trades, here in Aus, if you're not a bloke the tradies can talk down to you.

What I've found incongruent for me always is the guy talk about girls, cars, and sex (not always in that order *lol*) - I can blend in like a chameleon, but have always felt like a spy.