Odd, sex-related question (nothing graphic, just very confusing to me)

[N.Chaos]

Has anyone had their sex drive just...die?

Just completely, inexplicably just kinda...stop existing?

I don't think I've ever had this happen, and to be honest, its a bit scary. I don't know if its because I've been in a moderately deep depression for a few weeks now, I have too much on my mind or what, but its been ages since I've had any kind of sex with either of my partners and I'm just kind of...eh. FFS, I haven't even fapped in weeks.

As long as I can remember, I've bounced back and forth from being a step away from nymphomaniac and atypical guy with sex on the mind 75% of the time. Maybe its the depression, maybe its stress, maybe its the almost ridiculous level of self loathing I've seemingly settled into as of late, but whatever it is, it scares me a bit.
I don't know.

Has anyone else had this happen?

[Felix]

Yes. I have really high sex drive but occasionally it just goes away. For me it's usually some sort of stress or distraction.

The only time I was ever worried by it was when I tried the Nuvaring for birth control, and not just my sex drive but my entire sensuality just went dead and pretty suddenly. That was sickening and incredibly depressing. I took the stupid thing out and after a week I was mostly back to normal.

[N.Chaos]

Hm. I don't know, man. Distractions, possibly. That I could see, but increased stress (for me at least) makes this all the stranger. Sex has always been a release for me, a temporary getaway that doesn't leave me with a miserable come-down or hangover.

[Kreuzfidel]

I've lost all interest in sex for months at a time.  For me, I was always depressed when it happened. Now I'm horny 24-7 and agitated.  It just comes and goes, but I can usually link those funks to my depression.

[Ayden]

It has happened to me a few times. I am usually very engaged in my sexlife with my partner, and he is very attentive and considerate. But, during those times it didn't matter at all, I just didn't want it.

[_Jack_]

My sex drive used to be high as hell. Over time, re-discovering myself, I've found that my sex drive has just went down the drain, gradually, but way way way down the drain. I currently don't have that much desire to have sex, but I think it's more of a avoiding thing. I know that there is a potential that I can get hit with the most horrible dysphoria if I do have sex, so I think I'm scared of that happening, therefore avoiding it, hence the decrease in sex drive.

TBH, I really wouldn't be surprised if there are a ton of transgendered individuals who find that their sex drive disappears. Dysphoria is one thing, but finding out tiny little ways which can help push it away, I think, pretty much wins hands down.

Although on saying that, it's natural for an individuals' sex drive to disappear if highly stressed, tired or very depressed. Unless of course, sex is a distractor for you! lol.

Even though sex drive can and will dip throughout our life, the more you worry about it, perhaps the worst it may feel. It will come back, you just gotta focus on trying to feel better!

[Natkat]

Has anyone had their sex drive just...die?

Just completely, inexplicably just kinda...stop existing?

I don't think I've ever had this happen, and to be honest, its a bit scary. I don't know if its because I've been in a moderately deep depression for a few weeks now, I have too much on my mind or what, but its been ages since I've had any kind of sex with either of my partners and I'm just kind of...eh. FFS, I haven't even fapped in weeks.

As long as I can remember, I've bounced back and forth from being a step away from nymphomaniac and atypical guy with sex on the mind 75% of the time. Maybe its the depression, maybe its stress, maybe its the almost ridiculous level of self loathing I've seemingly settled into as of late, but whatever it is, it scares me a bit.
I don't know.

Has anyone else had this happen?

stress and depression are those things who really can kill your mood for having sex. so I think its pretty natural.

[Biscuit_Stix]

It has happened to me a few times. I am usually very engaged in my sexlife with my partner, and he is very attentive and considerate. But, during those times it didn't matter at all, I just didn't want it.

This has been me lately. I used to consider myself a very sexual person, but since I figured out I was trans, it just kinda.... went away. I'm not depressed, and I don't hate my body. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes, but I gotta work with what I've got (for now  ). But, my sex drive has just 'poof'ed out on me. Not sure why.

[N.Chaos]

Well, I still haven't figured a damn thing out but thanks for all the replies, guys. As with most things, it seriously helps just knowing I'm not an isolated-incident freak.

[Nygeel]

Is it possible that you're bipolar? I ask because a friend of mine would have a super high sex drive during her "manic" times, and zero during her depressive ones.

[emil]

Mine dies for a couple of months, then comes back for a little while, then dies again. It has increased recently (5 months on T). Usually has nothing to do with my mood (i'm not bipolar).

[Zerro]

Not on T yet, but I used to have an overactive sex drive. It was almost...higher than a cis dude's, if you can believe that. After some crap went down, it just died. I can fap and whatever, but I don't have any desire to. It's a big change for me. Eh. If you have a lot of things going on in your life that are causing you problems, that could contribute to the lack of a sex drive. Sometimes things just...shut down, though. No emotional or chemical explanation whatsoever. So I suppose it's just a natural thing to have cycles like that.

[Kyle_S]

Phew. Glad to know how many others have a high sex drive as well.

Yeah. I've had this happen before. I was extremely suicidal (several attempts) for about a year. It went to nil. I couldn't have been bothered with any of it, in any way, shape or form. Only recovered it about 6 months ago, although it still isn't quite what it used to be.

[insideontheoutside]

Stress and depression are total sex-drive killers imo.

[anibioman]

I have a normally very low sex drive that occasionally peeks

[N.Chaos]

Is it possible that you're bipolar? I ask because a friend of mine would have a super high sex drive during her "manic" times, and zero during her depressive ones.

You know, I've been asked that more than once, and I used to think it was a ridiculous idea but now I'm not sure. The past two weeks have been terrifying, I've been bouncing between being almost hyper and super giddy, to honestly debilitating depression. Its scary as hell to me, but it feels like its eased off since last night.  I'd talk to a shrink if I was able to, but...yeah. I can't, and that sucks, quite a bit.

[Elijah3291]

yes! Although my situation may be a bit different.  I still have a sex drive, as in I get horny sometimes but I usually just want to masturbate, but my desire for sex has really gone down, I don't get horny as much and I usually just never feel up to having sex.  I think I have also just become a little nervous and out of practice for it.

I do get kinda stressed out about my job and money, and I do definitely have depression.  I was on zoloft but that completely got rid of my sex drive and my ability to orgasm.

So, I guess with depression its either take meds, dont be depressed and never want sex, or dont take meds, be depressed and still dont want much sex.

I have a boyfriend too so its a bit of a problem too, I feel bad that I am never in the mood. 

Does anyone have any ideas for getting in the mood? Or ideas for ftm onftm sex?

[Felix]

Does anyone have any ideas for getting in the mood? Or ideas for ftm onftm sex?

I'd like to hear people's ideas here too. I've never done a transguy but the question is relevant.

The best way I have to get in the mood when I'm not in the mood is to stop trying to be in the mood, and just smell and taste and explore.

[Zerro]

I wish I could help on the whole "getting in the mood" spiel, but my moods have always been random and spontaneous. No me gusta.

I've been with another trans dude in the past. I don't think there's too much of a difference from sex with any other person, really. Key is to figure out what you and your partner's boundaries are and to stick to them unless requested otherwise. Sometimes people figure them out by messing around, others might know what they're completely against right up front and it's best to make sure. And of course, if you make a suggestion and you're told "No, I'm not okay with that" or any other variation, just don't push it on that person. While it's cool to try new things, you definitely don't want to push someone into trying something they don't want to if they're not ready. And sometimes you never know. Someone might have tried it in the past and had a poor experience they don't want to bring up.

I can't make you do anything you don't want to, but it's generally good to practice safe sex with your partner, even if they're long term. Condoms on prosthetic devices/toys that can wear them in order to keep things as clean as possible, and sterilize everything after. Even dudes who've had lower surgery might consider some form of protection(I know there are packers that are compatible with guys who've had a meta) just in case. Sometimes things can be passed along through unclean toys, and it's not fun to find that out after the fact.

In my opinion, good sex is really a lot of paying attention to what your partner's reactions are and just focusing on having fun, rather than getting off right away. It takes a lot of pressure off if you do that. Some folks will start off fooling around and even if it doesn't go anywhere beyond that, it's fun and can give you or your partner ideas on what to try next.

[dalebert]

The best way I have to get in the mood when I'm not in the mood is to stop trying to be in the mood, and just smell and taste and explore.

I think this is good advice for anyone. Don't think of sex as a task and stop trying to reach the "end". Just enjoy the other person and go where the tide carries you.