Exploring questions

[Edge]

Hi. I hope you don't mind if I ask a few questions. I'm just trying to figure things out. It turns out I am able to talk to a gender therapist, so I hope that goes well. However, being the curious and impatient person I am, I would like to hear from other people as well if that's ok.

1. When did you first know you were male? Do people ever realize it as adults?
2. Have you ever felt female? Is it possible for someone to feel female and, a few years later, feel male?
3. Has anyone started out being genderfluid and eventually figured out they were male?
4. What does it mean if a genderfluid person feels happier being male?
5. What does it mean if a genderfluid person who is physically female wants to be male even though it would make life more difficult?

[conformer]

1.) Ever since I was a child I somewhat knew that I was male.
People realize it as adults, yes, there are many transsexuals who don't transition until they are older simply because they do not exactly what's going on with them (as far as gender discomfort or w/e )

2.) No, as far back as I can remember I never truly felt female. I tried to "feel" or embrace being a female, but it never really worked out. Honestly, I was always scared to embrace my feminine side because it just felt so wrong to me. However, since being on testosterone I find it easier to "get in touch " with my feminine side and be comfortable.
I believe it is possible for someone to feel female and later in their life feel male. Damn near anything is possible hah

3 - 5.) I wish I could answer, but I'm not very familiar with the term genderfluid. Hope I helped some!

[Kyle_S]

I'll give it a go...

I'll have to combine 1 and 2 'cause they run into each other a little bit.

I was always a "tomboy" but until several years ago, I simply existed as me with male clothing and long hair. I never really gave my gender identity much thought. I just WAS. Girlie things never fit my personality though. It wasn't until high school graduation and reading stuff on Butch-femme.com that my lightbulb went off like a beacon. So, I was 17 ish.  Then, I actually thought about myself in relation to.....me, general society, and how women view me. Once I knew that I could transition , my mind was set. And here I am, 5 years later well into social transition and completely dysphoric and depressed about my present state :/

1) So in short, I knew around 17,  and yes some people realize as adults
2) No, I never and I suppose they could
3, 4 and 5- Like conformer, I'm not up to speed on the genderfluid thing. Don't know anyone genderfluid, nor have I heard really any other accounts on how they may experience it...

[Felix]

1. I can't remember a time that I didn't know I was male. I got in trouble for it as a kid, and then as a teenager briefly lived as male but stopped when I got pregnant. I suppressed it as best I could and just a couple years ago decided it wasn't going away. Some people realize as teenagers or adults, though.

2. I felt female not while I was pregnant but while I was nursing. It's a pretty girly thing to do, very primal and intensely nurturing. But I felt female the way I imagine non-human mammals feel female. What I was doing was physically providing for the child in the best way I was capable of. I had mixed feelings about it though and described myself as female by way of motherhood.

3. I tried to be genderfluid/androgynous/genderqueer/something like that for a time. I didn't want to hurt anyone or cause trouble, and I wanted to make friends with my biology instead of being miserable about it. It didn't really work, and I felt a lot better when I relaxed and just let myself be male.

Wouldn't 4 and 5 just mean that the person is more comfortable being binary? There's nothing wrong with that if it works out that way.

[King Malachite]

1. When did you first know you were male? Do people ever realize it as adults? About the age of 9 when I a teacher took the girls in one room and taught us about puberty.  I knew I wasn't supposed to be the one develping breasts and a menstral cycle.  I was horrified because I knew I was supposed to have broad shoulders like the boys and not hips.  I wanted to care for my genitals as male and not female.
2. Have you ever felt female? Is it possible for someone to feel female and, a few years later, feel male?  I deluded myself on online sexual encounters that I felt female but honestly I never did.  I've always felt male even when I liked boys.  I was just jealous of them.  It is possible in my opinion for someone to feel that way.

questions 3, 4, and 5- N/A

[Edge]

Thank you very much for the responses.
Honestly, Felix, I would like to be binary. One would think I'd be used to being fluid by now seeing as everything else (other than my body) has been fluid for years, but it's difficult to keep up with the changes and I no longer feel happy when I feel female. The weird thing is, I really hope I am male even though it would be easier to be female (not just because of my body, but also what resources are available). Right now, I don't think I'd mind my mind changing if my body was male which I guess makes me male, but I'm going to refrain from saying for sure for awhile in case it changes again. Also, I'm going to see what the therapist thinks.
I get what you mean about nursing. Even if I do turn out to be a guy, I will always call myself my son's mother. Also because I think I deserve bragging rights for going through labour without an epidural. That makes me feel so badass.

[Natkat]

1. When did you first know you were male? Do people ever realize it as adults?
around the age of 12, I knew I where diffrent, I had always been boyish, but at the teen age people started to think I it where time I would change, I didnt really understand untill I saw a transman on the internet and it just clicked. "that was me and I finally understood" it seams some people realise it late in life, but mostly people are young as teen or pre teen.

2. Have you ever felt female? Is it possible for someone to feel female and, a few years later, feel male?
IDK I do feel kind of femenine like a girl somethimes, and as a child I guess I was a girl, even when I dont remember so much.., I think everything under gender is posible in a level the question is in which contest

3. Has anyone started out being genderfluid and eventually figured out they were male?
I wasnt allowed to live as a guy before 12-18 and its been pretty hard. before that I were living like a tomboy, I wouldnt really call myself genderfluent, I feel way more gender-queer/genderfluent like now, but in a way I guess I sort of was, but you know its more normal for girls to be boyish than for boys to be femenine, how people start out is pretty diffrent, it dosent only depends on how we want to express ourself but also on what chance we have for it

4. What does it mean if a genderfluid person feels happier being male? (<-- that the person feel happy about it)

5. What does it mean if a genderfluid person who is physically female wants to be male even though it would make life more difficult? it means a person want it even if it would make life more difficult, it very simple as long we are just honest about our fellings, we know when we want something or not,

[fatalerror]

1. When did you first know you were male? Do people ever realize it as adults?
As a kindergartner, I insisted I was a boy, and I fought my assigned sex continually as a child.

2. Have you ever felt female? Is it possible for someone to feel female and, a few years later, feel male?
When I reached high school age, and the pressure became heavier than ever to conform and be what my parents and peers demanded I be, I did everything I could to turn off my brain and force myself to be happy the way I was born. I almost convinced myself that I was, aside from the constant feeling of being entirely disconnected to the fake image I'd created. Looking in the mirror, I knew I looked pretty, but I didn't see me, which scared me very much.

3. Has anyone started out being genderfluid and eventually figured out they were male?
Like Felix, I tried to see myself as androgynous or fluid just to be more satisfied with the way I was and to avoid hurting people, but in the end, it wasn't what was right for me.

4. What does it mean if a genderfluid person feels happier being male?
I think like any identity, orientation, or anything else, it's fine. I have a genderfluid friend who's going through a lot of confusion and discovery right now and zie sees hirself more on the male side of the spectrum. That's okay with me.

5. What does it mean if a genderfluid person who is physically female wants to be male even though it would make life more difficult?
I've never experienced genderfluidity but to me, everyone has the right to make the adjustments to their body that they see as necessary to feel comfortable in their own skin, even if it makes life more difficult. It is a very serious decision though and it's obviously extremely dangerous and life-altering, so they should consider it just as deeply as anyone else.

[Edge]

Chipper, feeling female isn't gendertyping anymore than you feeling male is gendertyping. I do not understand why that subject came up in response to my questions and, in the future, I would really appreciate it if you kept such conversation topics among who understand because I don't.
I moved from female to male, hence, I moved between genders.

[Edge]

No. What I was getting at is that gendertyping had no part in my questions and I really don't want this thread to be derailed for a conversation topic that belongs in a different thread.

[Felix]

Edge I don't think Chipper was criticizing you. There is some tension here, though. Thank you both for keeping it civil.

[Edge]

That may be true. I do have a habit of getting paranoid whenever someone mentions the gendertyping role whatever stuff. If that's the case, then I apologize.

[Edge]

Yeah paranoia is a weakness I need to eradicate. Unfortunately, it's also one that is taking a lot of time and practice since it's ingrained and very difficult to rewire. Not trying to excuse myself here. There is no excuse for weakness. I just talk a lot.

Oh I looked up and noticed that you asked about what I mean by genderfluid. For me, it feels like it has no fixed shape. I don't know how easily it yields to external pressure since I don't know what causes it. In order of most frequent to less frequent lately, sometimes I feel male, sometimes I feel both male and female at the same time, sometimes I feel in the middle, sometimes I feel like neither, and sometimes I feel female. For me, it changes frequently, but has started to feel like it's settling down somewhat. Even if it does settle down for awhile, there would be no guarantee that it wouldn't change again.
I would love to dissect my brain and see exactly what's going on in there. Unfortunately, that's not possible.
By feeling a gender, I mean more like a psychological sense that I can't describe, how I feel about my body, and what I want to be regarded as. My personality is the same regardless.