Hello everyone,
I'm new here, I'm a 37 year old MTF, married, not yet full time but looking to make steps to transition. I'm Scottish originally but I live in the North of England.
Really just here to get advice, see how other women have coped with things, what challenges they faced etc etc.
I've identified as transgender for a long time, since I was at least 14, but it's only fairly recently that I've realised that I'm transsexual and not a crossdresser. It's taken me a while to get here and looking back it should have been obvious, but if you're looking in the wrong direction, then I guess it's hard to see the wood from the trees
I've been through the androgynous inbetween stage, the 'wondering if I'm gay' stage, the crossdressing stage, and none of it has been satisfactory. It's only now, with the dawning on me that I probably am transsexual, that various aspects have slotted into place and I've allowed myself to consider that possibility seriously, that the penny has dropped. I think the reason none of my other ways of dealing with my identity have worked is because in my heart I somehow know I'm female, but I've denied it to myself because the consequences of it all seemed so scary. Being transsexual was the kind of thing that 'happens to someone else, not me'.
It was a bit scary to begin with and I've no idea how I'm going to cope with it all, or my family, but there is a certain relief as well in realising this. I've put off really dealing with stuff in the past because of various self-protection behaviours, but now that the scales have come off my eyes they don't work any more, so I can only move forward now.
I have basically presented as female-ish at work several times a week for the last 7 or 8 years (I kid you not), and I can pass sometimes when out and about, so I have a little bit of real life experience but I'm pre-HRT and laser etc. My next intended steps are facial hair removal, voice, and then HRT, but thanks to the NHS lottery system, my referral to a GID specialist therapist will take 18 months, after I've been accepted. I can only work on the facial hair and voice in the meantime before I go insane
So inbetween times, I hope to find out a lot of information, insights, advice and wisdom from others on this site. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Nathalie
