Posted at 07:00 AM ET, 04/23/2012
Gender identity and children who struggle with it
By Janice D'Arcy
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-parenting/post/gender-identity-and-children-who-struggle-with-it/2012/04/22/gIQABBJlaT_blog.htmlGender nonconformity is a new term for many of us, but for some families it's an issue that has gone unrecognized for too long.
Increasingly, more families with children who struggle with gender are speaking out and asking for more rights and more inclusion.
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Can you explain how a parent might recognize gender non-conformity in a child?
It may involve a person saying he or she does not feel in synch with the gender listed on the birth certificate; it may involve the girl who says she will never, ever wear a dress, even when she's supposed to be a bridesmaid or flower girl dressed in frills.
A parent will recognize it just by paying attention -- it is the child who in one way or another says a transgressive "no, I don't want to" or "no, I won't" or "no, I can't" to social expectations about gender, and it is the child who in one way or another says, "But here's the way I'm going to put gender together creatively for myself, based on my own needs and desires." If a parent can't see it, it may be because the child has already figured out that it's not going to be okay in the family, and therefore hides it, and that is never good for a child's sense of well-being and confidence in who they are. Another reason a parent may not recognize it is that it hasn't yet surfaced in the child, and may just show up at a later date.
