Ugly words that stick to the mind

[suzifrommd]

Anybody remember the theme from the TV show Cheers? It got released as a single with the following words:

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

That last line always bothered me. I could always imagine how awful it would be to be married to a man who wants to be a girl. That was during the macho Ronald Reagan 1980s where men were supposed to be men. Lately I've been realizing how that one line made me feel for decades like I needed to hide a part of me from everybody.

It really is an awful line. I hope the guy who wrote it didn't actually know any genderqueer folk.

I came out to my wife yesterday as an androgyne. I don't think she understands. She still thinks of me as a man with a feminine side. I don't think she gets the whole thing about being both a man and a woman, even if I'm mostly man. But she was supportive and understanding and wants to go shopping for jewelry with me, so it probably went as well as I could expect.

[Eva Marie]

Congratulations on coming out to your wife - thats a huge step 

My wife didn't understand either, but she loves me and supports me - remember that your wife is starting at mile marker 0 while you are miles ahead of her. Its new, and potentially very scary for her to hear that (in her mind) you may not be the person that she married.

If i may offer a couple of pieces of advice:

Of course you are still the same person - periodically remind her of that. By doing this i was able to work thru gender related rough patches with my wife (she at first thought that i wanted to transition). And, don't bury her in gender related conversation either - let it happen when it happens. I know that you are probably excited and want to talk a lot about your feelings and the relief of finally figuring out who you are, but be sensitive to how your wife is feeling, and squelch that tendency to talk endlessly about it.

[suzifrommd]

If i may offer a couple of pieces of advice:

Of course you are still the same person - periodically remind her of that. By doing this i was able to work thru gender related rough patches with my wife (she at first thought that i wanted to transition). And, don't bury her in gender related conversation either - let it happen when it happens. I know that you are probably excited and want to talk a lot about your feelings and the relief of finally figuring out who you are, but be sensitive to how your wife is feeling, and squelch that tendency to talk endlessly about it.

Thank you for these. I need to tell you how much I appreciate the responses you've given me since I started posted. Always to the point and often perspectives I would never have thought of.

Actually, today it's been her who wants to talk about it and me who feels talked out, but I imagine the balance will shift back and forth as we work through this. And I really like your advice to keep reminder her I haven't changed. I probably should remind myself now and then, as well :^)