I want it, but I'm scared of changes?

[Darrin Scott]

Like others have said, you take the good with the bad and T isn't all bad. But if you feel like T may not be for you, then wait or don't take it at all. I'm only 2 months in and have irreversible changes already. Just make sure it's what you want.

[Cody Jensen]

@casey thanks for that, it helped me calm down a lot already

@dalebert thats interesting stuff! ill definitely look into it when i start T

[JayKyle]

You know I think you just need to ponder some more and talk to someone. Just talking doesn't mean that you're actually going to start taking T or getting surgery, its just talking and from there they can help you plan out what you want to do. That might be best and they can also help you work out an uncertainties you have so that you are comfortable with yourself and can go at your own pace doing what you want to do.

[Shang]

Well, I'm gonna be a little harsh here but--

Transition is like, kind of a serious thing. If you're certain that you were born in the wrong body and that it doesn't fit you, you should pretty much be willing to give up your physical femininity at any point, without even having to think about it. It should feel like choosing between being stabbed and given $10.

I disagree.  I am certain I was born in the wrong body and it doesn't fit me.  However, I am not willing to transition for a variety of reasons.  I am not willing to let go of this femininity.  I am not willing to go through puberty again.  I am not willing to start smelling like a guy.  I'd be very willing to look more male, but not fully male.  The male body just repulses me too much....and I've already gone through puberty, lol.  I can't bring myself to do that again.  However, like I said, I am certain this current body doesn't me and I often have dysphoria related to it, but it isn't bad enough to make me want to transition (most times).

Anyway, as the others have said, you have to take the good with the bad.  It's a matter of how much you really want the good portions.  Talking with someone about it is probably a very good idea.  I have talked to my psychologist (when I had one) and it's through her, and personal reflection, that I realized the good doesn't outweigh the bad enough for me to seek transitioning at this point in time.

[auburnAubrey]

Well, I'm gonna be a little harsh here but--

Transition is like, kind of a serious thing. If you're certain that you were born in the wrong body and that it doesn't fit you, you should pretty much be willing to give up your physical femininity at any point, without even having to think about it. It should feel like choosing between being stabbed and given $10.

Gotta disagree.  Transition is kind of like books in a library.... everyone's story is different.  There are some who's journey is very easy, and it's an easy and obvious choice, then there's other's who fight it every step of the way, even knowing who they want to be.  That can be caused by your surroundings growing up, your thoughts, events in your life, etc.  Many have transitioned in their later years (50-60's) and absolutely loved the outcome... but it took them that long to get over all the stuff that goes on in their heads.

Me?  I was so ashamed of myself (my own doing, since I never told anyone), that even when I was 12, and asked my family to go to therapy, I  couldn't tell my therapist.  Somewhere, since I didn't know until I was much older that there was anyone like me in the world, I pushed this so far down inside and said to myself "I'm f**ked up, no one will love me, something is wrong with me".. etc and so on.  at 30, I woke up and started working on myself.  now at 42, I am transitioning, and getting my FFS done in August, along with name change, breasts, etc.  And yet, there are days when I swear that I've never ever felt feminine a day in my life.  Like I can't even remember those first 30 years of being suicidal over this.....  and that's called FEAR.  and it effects everyone differently.  If it's easy for you, great, but it is not easy for everyone.  there are people that love math and find it easy, there are people that hate math and find it hard.  Math is just math, it's level of difficulty resides in the individual practicing it.  As does this.

So I know what you are feeling....  But asking yourself "shouldn't I feel like this" is only a way to stay stuck.  Because there isn't a "should or shouldn't".  There is only what is within you.  If you know, then move slowly, and try to overcome your fear.  Now, I believe that with a change this big, there should be some fear....... but that just may be me trying to make myself feel better.   

[poptart]

I agree with JasonRX and pretty.

I also think you're worrying too much. Look at the rest of guys your age and see how many are bald or have receding hairlines. If you are young the answer is not very many. I don't personally know one. The average guy starts going bald around 50 from my observations.

If your dad is balding badly, maybe you will too at his age but you're not his age yet. And going bald as an older dude isn't unexpected. It is normal.

I don't know a single guy who would rather grow up to be a woman than a bald man.

[supremecatoverlord]

I don't know a single guy who would rather grow up to be a woman than a bald man.

Exactly.
Thank you.

As for me, my dad had really bad acne as a teenager, so I knew that was something I was going to experience (at least for a while) upon starting HRT. Did that stop me? No, because I felt like the person I'm slowly changing into was the person I was always supposed to be and that this is the only "puberty" I was ever supposed to go through.

Also, as Pretty said, transitioning is a serious issue for a lot of us and it doesn't come down to superficial things like a couple of "bad changes". If you really are afraid of starting because of not all of your changes being positive, you're sort of thinking unrealistically and have a lot more things to put into consideration before even thinking about transitioning. Well, in my opinion, at least.

[dalebert]

There's a certain hair loss that is age-related that might start at 50ish. Male pattern baldness is genetic and begins around 19 to 25 because that's when the male hormones begin to trigger it. I'm just telling you what my dermatologist told me.

[insideontheoutside]

While I already said you can't pick and choose changes, I don't think it's fair to imply you really don't want to be male if you can't handle what T does to you. At least that's what I'm reading between the lines on some posts. Bio males can't pick and choose ... guys would rather grow up to be a balding man than a women.

The simple fact is that we're all different. There's plenty of bio males out there who'd consider slitting their wrists over going bald so it's just not fair to lump everyone into the same boat.

And it's certainly okay to be scared of changing a body you've so far, known as a certain way your whole life. If you decide you want to go through with it, remember that it's not a race to the finish line. And you aren't less of a man if you don't want the hair on your head to disappear and don't want to get a wookie ass. You can start with a very low dose of T and see how it goes. Your doctor should be monitoring you regularly to test for any abnormalities that might occur, etc. You can also always stop taking it after you've reached a certain point. It's my understanding that some things (like voice change) tend to be permanent while other things can reverse. 

Don't judge yourself against anyone else here. You're your own person and your journey might be very different from someone else's. Even other people who say they were scared but then did it and were happy have a totally different life experience than you. The best you can do, is just go at your own, monitored pace and ease into things on your own terms.

[Cody Jensen]

I see what everyone's saying, I'm not 100% sure transition is for me, but I know I don't fit in with a female body either. I guess one of my friends were telling me "hormones really mess up your body" so that j ust made me even more scared. 

[JayKyle]

I see what everyone's saying, I'm not 100% sure transition is for me, but I know I don't fit in with a female body either. I guess one of my friends were telling me "hormones really mess up your body" so that j ust made me even more scared.

You can always have them remove your female body parts and wait for the hormones if you are hesitant about them.

[Ayden]

Don't judge yourself against anyone else here. You're your own person and your journey might be very different from someone else's. Even other people who say they were scared but then did it and were happy have a totally different life experience than you. The best you can do, is just go at your own, monitored pace and ease into things on your own terms.

This. It is your choice to make, and one that you should be comfortable and happy with. I personally chose hormones and will go through at least my top surgery, but that was my choice. I know that if it came down to it and for some reason the hormones cause serious medical issues, I would stop them. I know some guys would rather never go off the hormones. To each his/her/their own.

The important thing is that you find a place where you can be happy.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I see what everyone's saying, I'm not 100% sure transition is for me, but I know I don't fit in with a female body either. I guess one of my friends were telling me "hormones really mess up your body" so that j ust made me even more scared.

Are your friends trans people with experience going through hormone replacement therapy?  Are they doctors that specialize in hormone replacement therapy?  If not then you shouldn't listen to them.

[King Malachite]

Are your friends trans people with experience going through hormone replacement therapy?  Are they doctors that specialize in hormone replacement therapy?  If not then you shouldn't listen to them.

^ this even hormones in cis people can get whacky

[Demiguy]

Just so you know, you're totally not alone... I want to do it too, but the more reading I do about hormones, the more nervous I get... Tie in all the complications and expenses of surgery and yikes! Big, scary prospect. All we can do is what we're comfortable with and you know you'll always have support here, no matter what!

[JayKyle]

For me, its not an option, I need it to continue so yeah there are so bad side effects but reading about all the bad stuff that can happen will just freak people out. True you should know about it, but if you got to, then you've got to and that's that. (Sorry I'm kind of a black and white disicion type person)

[pretty]

I disagree.  I am certain I was born in the wrong body and it doesn't fit me.  However, I am not willing to transition for a variety of reasons.  I am not willing to let go of this femininity.  I am not willing to go through puberty again.  I am not willing to start smelling like a guy.  I'd be very willing to look more male, but not fully male.  The male body just repulses me too much....and I've already gone through puberty, lol.  I can't bring myself to do that again.  However, like I said, I am certain this current body doesn't me and I often have dysphoria related to it, but it isn't bad enough to make me want to transition (most times).

I'm sorry but I'm a little confused as to what you are disagreeing with 

I just thought that OP should consider if, like you said for you, the need to transition is not pressing enough to make transitioning worth it. If someone is on a level where they are willing to weigh the pros and cons of being the opposite sex in their decision, chances are they do not identify strongly enough as the opposite sex for transition to be a good solution, in my opinion. Because it is a very serious measure to take, and it changes a lot of things. But like, personally, I can't imagine going "wellll I won't be as strong, and I might get reallly dry skin, so idk about transition..." or something. Those things aren't even a consideration. I cannot live life as a man instead of a woman. I don't want to do it and I'm not capable of it. Little physical things that every woman deals with and that I would deal with as a cis woman are expected.

I don't feel that transition is about obtaining the perfect body. Everyone is unhappy with their body in some way, and that's totally okay. And people can want to be anything. But then, that's different than very distinctly having the personality of one sex but the body of another. That mismatch is too big of a preventing factor in living and functioning normally in life than just a general dissatisfaction about how your body looks. A lot of people seem to focus just on how they feel about their body. But I don't understand, because they often don't seem to be too bothered by their social role. No disrespect meant. I just feel and have felt so uncomfortable and so out of place in a male social role that I don't understand how it can be a minor issue to someone who includes themselves in the trans spectrum 

Gotta disagree.  Transition is kind of like books in a library.... everyone's story is different.  There are some who's journey is very easy, and it's an easy and obvious choice, then there's other's who fight it every step of the way, even knowing who they want to be.  That can be caused by your surroundings growing up, your thoughts, events in your life, etc.  Many have transitioned in their later years (50-60's) and absolutely loved the outcome... but it took them that long to get over all the stuff that goes on in their heads.

Me?  I was so ashamed of myself (my own doing, since I never told anyone), that even when I was 12, and asked my family to go to therapy, I  couldn't tell my therapist.  Somewhere, since I didn't know until I was much older that there was anyone like me in the world, I pushed this so far down inside and said to myself "I'm f**ked up, no one will love me, something is wrong with me".. etc and so on.  at 30, I woke up and started working on myself.  now at 42, I am transitioning, and getting my FFS done in August, along with name change, breasts, etc.  And yet, there are days when I swear that I've never ever felt feminine a day in my life.  Like I can't even remember those first 30 years of being suicidal over this.....  and that's called FEAR.  and it effects everyone differently.  If it's easy for you, great, but it is not easy for everyone.  there are people that love math and find it easy, there are people that hate math and find it hard.  Math is just math, it's level of difficulty resides in the individual practicing it.  As does this.

So I know what you are feeling....  But asking yourself "shouldn't I feel like this" is only a way to stay stuck.  Because there isn't a "should or shouldn't".  There is only what is within you.  If you know, then move slowly, and try to overcome your fear.  Now, I believe that with a change this big, there should be some fear....... but that just may be me trying to make myself feel better.   

I understand what you are saying but I don't think it applies to the topic. We're talking about dissatisfaction with more superficial changes, not as much about fear of the social stigma. For example: "bad changes T will do to my body." I think something like that should be a warning sign to put a lot of thought into whether or not transition is a good idea. Because it's not an issue to be wishy-washy about.  Because if you don't want it that badly, then why would you do something so drastic?

I do understand the social fears... at the same time, I think if I had not found a future in which I could transition I would not have a future at all. My life can't even start as a male and it never managed to. But, of course, to each his or her own.

[Kyyn]

I'm agreeing with you dude.

Transition scares the hell out of me. Looking at my family, I have a vague idea of what I'll look like as a guy - but the process of getting there is worrying.

Pretty, JasonRX: I don't think I really agree with you.
There's a huge difference between the want to be male and the fear of the transition.
If someone could flick a wand and make me the real me tomorrow, I'd do it without a second thought. As would a lot of ftms, I'm sure.
But the months of transition, the fear of the unknown - that is terrifying for a lot of us. Especially those that haven't had therapy or are new to this self discovery.

[luna nyan]

There's a huge difference between the want to be male and the fear of the transition.
If someone could flick a wand and make me the real me tomorrow, I'd do it without a second thought. As would a lot of ftms, I'm sure.
But the months of transition, the fear of the unknown - that is terrifying for a lot of us. Especially those that haven't had therapy or are new to this self discovery.

^ This.  I think it's the case for many of us, the process of transition can be very awkward, as it essentially is going through a second puberty, along with all the social awkwardness/issues that entails.

Taking things slowly is probably one of the best things we can do in my opinion - it allows us to back out and also find a comfortable place for ourselves.  (Mind you, my pace has been glacial *lol*)

[pretty]

I'm agreeing with you dude.

Transition scares the hell out of me. Looking at my family, I have a vague idea of what I'll look like as a guy - but the process of getting there is worrying.

Pretty, JasonRX: I don't think I really agree with you.
There's a huge difference between the want to be male and the fear of the transition.
If someone could flick a wand and make me the real me tomorrow, I'd do it without a second thought. As would a lot of ftms, I'm sure.
But the months of transition, the fear of the unknown - that is terrifying for a lot of us. Especially those that haven't had therapy or are new to this self discovery.

I addressed this in my last post 

The fear of changing your entire life, being the target of hatred, letting people down and stuff is totally understandable.

But, the fear of body odor or acne or male pattern baldness is not. Well, nobody wants those things... but if those could deter someone from transition then maybe their issues are not quite as serious. And--reminder here--that's a good thing. It's not "cool" or "better" to transition unless it's 1000% right for you. I think a lot of people in this community try to shove everyone with doubts in the transition direction, because they have their own transition desires, but that's not for everyone and it doesn't need to be. Ideally nobody would ever need to transition.

And... genderedness is a spectrum. If you're only a little bit on the masculine side it's gonna be less of a life issue than if someone were on the far, rough, gritty bear-wrasslin' end of the masculine side. Some people can't live without transition in some form. For some people more in the middle I think it does require more thought, like, will it really make your life better? Answer depends on the person. 

Just, transition makes, if not physical, then a lot of irreversible social changes. You have to think about those things. Like, if you have frost bite, you'll let them cut off your own leg. But they better be pretty darned sure you have frost bite. Because cutting off your own leg is something you would only do if you felt like it was an absolute medical necessity.