University continues to be rough.

[Bird]

Things are getting gradually worse with my colleagues.

They began deleting me on facebook, and recently, I was excluded from our facebook group. There is a girl who has been going with me to the hospital that began acting like a ->-bleeped-<-, all of sudden, and saying mean things. As a example, a few days ago, she went (totally out of the blue) "(MALE NAME) when I tell you have to trim your nails a bit it is not because I am nitpicking on you, it is because I know you are not a woman, and so, you can't possible know how uncomfortable long nails are for the patient in a gynecologic exam".

We have teachers with nails longer than mine, and they weren't excedingly long like what she said might imply. She was just being a bitch for no reason other than transphobia. She is very critical of my medical practice when she wants to as well, and this is done exclusively on me as far as I know or have noticed.

It is beginning to feel very anwkward to talk with nearly any of them, because there is this huge feeling of rejection going. It is so strong, that sometimes they actually manage to have me believe I am a bad human being and I get depressed for it. None of them ever admits to transphobia though, obviously. They just state they plain don't like me for various reasons. It wans't like this before I transitioned though, and it is obvious to me there is a lot of prejudice involved.

I have managed to make new friends, outside of University, and some of them have no clue I am trans. Those who do, don't mind. Matter of fact, I have not meet anyone who gave me trouble for being trans outside of my class, and this includes other med students. I feel -very- respected by the student community in general, actually. Some of them have never meet a trans person in their life though, and are very curious about stuff. These days I overheard a comment like "whoa, she has a woman's voice" after I said something.

Some doctors who have seen me before transition, have problems with pronouns. I think it is fairly ridiculous considering their high graduation level and amount of study, but it is how it is. There is a doctor who has taken to calling me "dude" and it is interesting because, he doesn't uses that pronoun with -anyone-, male or female, besides me. I am going to approach him on it this monday, and see how it goes, because even though I won't be sharing much more time with him (we change teachers often) it is offensive to my "Honor" to be called a dude.

[Siobhan]

Its a shame they are treating you like crap, they are obviously not worth your time. At least you know everyone is not the same, as for being called dude, maybe respond with "yes Miss?" see how he likes it.

[peky]

Hi, Bird,

You need to contact the Hospital Director and/or the Dean of the Medical School and report this abuse and discrimination, and tell them that you expect some action to be taken. What would more likely happen is that "they," the school dean/hospital director, would consult with their legal offices, which quickly would advice them to take action for fear of a legal action on you part.

Probably at minimum all personnel and students will be remind them that the organization is an EEO, and that transphobia would not be tolerated.

PH-65.983 Nondiscrimination Policy. The AMA affirms that it has not been its policy now or in the past to discriminate with regard to sexual orientation or gender identity. (Res. 1, A-93; Reaffirmed: CCB Rep. 6, A-03; Modified: BOT Rep. 11, A-07)

Also see    http://www.amsa.org/AMSA/Homepage/About/Committees/GenderandSexuality.aspx

[spacial]

Your relationship seems to have broken down. They have lost respect for you.

It happens. But the main thing for you is not to ignore it. You need distance from these people.

If you can find others to hang out with then do so. But your old group must be completely cut out, especially from any assessment by or value of their opinions.

The case of the nail is a good example. It doesn't matter if yours are the longest in existence, taking it upon herself to mention it in this threatening manner is immature.

Almost as if, using female pronouns is a reward.

It is likely one of more will try to put you in a situation where you have to respond to male pronouns or face humiliation. I strongly suggest you just respond appropriately and not react.

[Bird]

Peky, I am in Brazil. I have spoken with the main guy at our med school and he said he can't ask people to call me by my female name if I haven't had a name change. He told me I would have to sort this kind of thing personally with my teachers or just take it. With this said, they have given me support, no doubt, but they can't support me in everything and I feel there is a lot of prejudice going on. There is  LGBT group at uni and I am going to get in touich with them.

@spacial

Yes, those are my feelings as well. They lost all respect for me, no doubt. I have found a new circle of friends and am keeping myself as away as possible from the people from class, but at times it is not possible since there are times where we have to share certain spaces, such as a doctors office or surgery room.

[monica93304]

Oi! como vai? Eu entendo um pouco, mas não falo.   

Eu vivi em Uruguay.

Ok, enough of my poor portuguese girl.   You know that you can get through this.  I think that you have to understand the lack of tolerance of your collegues. I know they're not ignorant.  You have to show your integrity, inteligence, and love for your profession above any of negativity. 

You are strong, you're a woman no matter what anyone says.  Live your life as you see fit. You are already a productive member of society and the Trans community more than you will ever know.

Stay strong.

Foi um prazer falar com você

Monica.

[spacial]

.

@spacial

Yes, those are my feelings as well. They lost all respect for me, no doubt. I have found a new circle of friends and am keeping myself as away as possible from the people from class, but at times it is not possible since there are times where we have to share certain spaces, such as a doctors office or surgery room.

Believe me when I say I know the position you're in. But the absolute priority is not to let them get to you.

That is so easy to say it's almost trite. But it's so important.

What they are doing is incredibly immature. When you combine immaturity with intelligence and put several together, you have a dangerous mix. As long as you stay away from them you become less associated. As soon as you react, you become them again.

The trouble is, I'm talking from hind sight here. If the truth be known, I handled a similar situation very badly and ended up looking as well as being, an utter twerp.

You have to rise above it. You have to leave them behind.

What has happened here is, they have found your sensitive spot. Now, if for example, you were say, black, that would be the same thing, but for them, they can't say anything about black since that is a social faux pas. But they can make reference to 'Man in a dress'.

What you're reacting to is your own insecurity. So, you need to find a way to make your own feelings about who you are more secure.

You look the way you do because that's what you want.

No rationalisation necessary. No excuses, explanations, justifications. Some girls choose to dress one way, some other, some other and so on. You have chosen this.

The only reason anyone could need be concerned if you are a girl or not, is in a person relationship. Since you won't be having one with them then it is only an issue for them. They question your femininity. In reality they are sniping because they can't date you.

That, I'm sorry to say, is a problem girls have had to deal with since time began.

Are you beginning to get the idea?

[Bird]

Spacial

Thanks

I am going to follow that path. I will remain as distant as I can and be quiet when around them. Study a lot, not brag, and just do my thing to graduate.

[A]

Peky, I am in Brazil. I have spoken with the main guy at our med school and he said he can't ask people to call me by my female name if I haven't had a name change.

I've heard of some schools agreeing to change the name in the school registers and everything, despite the lack of official documents. Perhaps you could ask about that possibility?

[Bird]

I already have, it is a no no.

[MiaOhMya!]

Oh love I am so sorry! I know Brasil is a rather macho culture, correct? Do you think that's an aspect of why these otherwise ordinary people can be so...cruel?

University is supposed to be a time of ridiculously idealistic open mindedness and acceptance,  at least here it is, so what is wrong with these people!?!

The best advice I can give is to persevere, and stay strong. You will make it through, and you will be a better person for it. Though it is painful, these "colleagues" of yours aren't real friends. True friends support the person, not the circumstance. If I were you I'd tell them next time it comes up that, "you can't be my friend, because no one I call friend could do this to me."

[spacial]

Bird.

If it matters to you, I and I'm sure, many others are full of admiration for you.

You're doing what is necessary, of course. But you seem to have the right approach.

Really looking forward to hear how things are going for you love.

[Bird]

Spacial yes it does matters. Things are getting very hard really fast, and any kind of encouragement is welcome for me to just keep going ahead.

[Rabbit]

Yea, basically just focus on completing what you need to... and then move on.

If your co-workers do not respect you enough to use your prefered name and pronouns then there is little you can do. Forcing them (through administrative action) is simply pointless (and would only alienate yourself further). And, of course, you don't really have a legal leg to stand on... so trying to fight for rights your society doesn't grant you might end up very badly.

If the problem were just one or two people... then I would say report them, but this seems to be a much larger issue that they are generally agreed upon.

So, finish your education ... and leave ASAP to somewhere you have a little protection.

[spacial]

Spacial yes it does matters. Things are getting very hard really fast, and any kind of encouragement is welcome for me to just keep going ahead.

I wish I could say it will get better, but the truth is, I don't know.

But I do think you should be concentrating upon building your own life now. Developing your own interests. Things which you can think about and do.

Then, keep this life to yourself.

Think of all the people you see at university. How many know you? How many know your name, anything of your background, who you are?

That's how you approach those people. Not in an unfriendly or hostile way. But as someone who is simply not part of their world.

Eventually, they will invite you out somewhere. I hope I'm not wrong, but I would suggest you politely turn it down. 'That's really nice, but I'm a little busy right now', sort of thing.

Think of what you might say to someone who you don't know from Adam. Speak to them that way.

How does that sound?

Also, does your university have any sort of Student Union/Association? What's it like?

[Bird]

It has a student union and there is a LGBT group I am going to get in touch with. I haven't done anything because so far, things were going pretty smooth and this situation of prejudice happened in a burst. Everyone was accepting me and supporting, then suddenly, they turned their backs on me for no reason.

So I will get in touch with that group now.

The teachers and people in power positions are very understanding and supportive. I spoke with the teacher who called me dude and he was fine with stopping it.The students in other classes are fine with me as well and so much that they even greet me with kisses,some of the males. The ONLY people who are giving me crap are the people from my class. The problem is, they are the people from my class!

I'm staying as far as I can them from them Spacial, no more contact than is needed, no going out with them, and I have found supportive friends outside of our medic school. I am also keeping a very good relation with my teachers and the institution, because of course I can't rely on my classmates for anything anymore.

[spacial]

That group is your next stop.