honestly, I think it is a bit one sided. It's ok to let anyone know that you are uncomfortable, but to ask them to act a certain way is no different than them asking you to act a certain way. To me, people asking questions is a great sign. It means they are interested in learning about it. I would never shut that down. Also, to tell people not to talk about it to others in their life, that may be the way they try to cope. It just seems like you only want it one way... yours. If you are going through this, you need to be at least comfortable enough in your own skin to be able to talk openly about it to others. If you are uncomfortable talking about it, you will only make others uncomfortable.
I came out at work a bit different. I work at a fire department. The division thought it would be best to bring out EAP (employee assistance) and legal, (without me there) and talk to my immediate co-workers (at my station), and then spread it from there. But I wanted to talk openly, and let them hear something from me.... So I wrote this letter:
QuoteYou are now all privy to a personal secret that has ravaged my life for the past 40 something years. As you can imagine, in a workplace like we have, this decision to put my personal life on display is quite difficult. But I have reached a point in my life and my spiritual path that I feel it is important to finally be totally true to myself, and, well, this is who I am.
Most of you when you wake up in the morning, you don't question who "you" are. You are just you. You get up, and live your life as you without conflict as to "self". I have never had that opportunity, and it has been a painful process. I am now going to be able to wake up in the morning, and feel what many of you may take for granted. The simple ability to "be"....
I'm sure you all have a lot of questions. I want you to know that I am open to answering all of them. Many people fear what they do not understand. I'm not expecting you to understand this, as sometimes I myself don't understand it all. But know that it is ok not to understand it. And when you know that it is ok not to understand, the fear fades, as does the negative emotions that come along with that fear such as anger, hatred, isolationism, etc. But you do have to accept what's happening, because it is indeed happening. Denial won't take you very far. I often say, acceptance isn't something you seek, it's something you practice. As I've seen what's inside of myself on a deep level, so will we see what's inside all of you as well. So this is what I ask:
Talk to me. Email me. Call me. This is not contagious. Ask your questions, as none of them are crazy or ridiculous. I understand that I am not the only one going through this. You as my coworkers are going through it as well, and I want to be there for all of you. If you feel you just cannot talk to me about it, then take the division up on the support its offering all of you. Call EAP. Reach out and talk about it. Anything we talk about, or you talk about with EAP will be held in the strictest of confidence. Don't rely on what another coworker thinks or says, because let's face it, the fire department spreads way to many rumors, presents fiction as fact, and more times than not, is not the way things truly are. And, if you cannot talk to me, and cannot talk to EAP and just want me to stay the hell away from you, then please, let me know that too, and I will respect that. But I have to know, so I don't continue to say good morning to you and be in your space if you don't want me there.
I love working here, and I love the people I work with. Who I am on the inside is never going to change no matter what you see on the outside. I will still risk my life to save any of yours, and I do it with pride. This is going to be tough on me, but I understand it may be tough on you as well. If we work together, we can get though this, we can learn, and we can grow. This experience will be whatever we make out of it. If you come out with a negative disposition, you will only get negative results. But with a positive disposition, many wonderful things can come out of this.
It was important for me to reach out to them and let them know that they too are going through something. And I would never want to cut them off from feeling what they feel, or deny them information if they seek it. Better they hear about it (like the surgery) from me, rather than a co-worker who doesn't know. Because they will talk, regardless of what you ask them.
I had nothing but a positive response from work...... a very testosterone filled place. Actually, I was suprised at the welcome. Many said it was not only my letter, but my openness that relieved their anxiety and stress. It was my openness to answer any and all of their questions, that they said they never felt like they had to walk on egg shells around me. Being open with your co-workers is the best way to get through this. I have to say that even I was a bit uncomfortable reading your letter.... it made me feel like I cannot approach you with questions, comments, or even fears. And if I were working with you, that would make me very, very, uncomfortable.
It's just my opinion. Everyone is different.. But you asked our opinion, and I can only give you what I feel about it, and how I would feel if I read that at work.
