Why did you get married?

[ssindysmith]

My first wife was like that, she just adored Cindy wanted to spend most of her time with her, which BTW was cool with me at the time I took every opportunity be the real me, Cindy. So there are some out there good luck.

[Melissa]

I got married because I was determined to suppress my feelings for the rest of my life and try my hardest to live as male.  Obviously that failed.  I do not regret getting married because I have children and overall I improved as a person during that time.

Melissa

[Maebh]

Because we were in love. we had so much passions in common, mutual respect and a very special astral bond, (I was able to tell her when each of our tree children were concieved). In all my relationship I have always introduced Maebh to my potential partners so there was never any lies: "this is part of who I am and if you can accept me as I am then we can be clear and have a real loving relationship based on truth, trust, acceptance, mutual support and respect". So everything was ok. She always said that what attracted her to me was that difference, I seemed more attuned than other blokes. We were lover and best friends, we had the best of both words.

25 years ago, with myself and 3 others she was one of the co-founders of Friends of Eon: the first Irish support organisation for TGs, their SOs and families. We went on national television and radio, gave talks to counselors and other professionals. We were happy for 26 years and have 3 wonderful children who know about my TGism. The eldest, my son, who lives with me is totally cool about it and has introduced Maebh to his girlfriends. My youngest daughter even share tips and clothes with me. The middle daughter prefers me in my male mode, I respect her wish and when she come to visit I am Yves.

5 years ago, after a lot of tragedies in her family of origin, my wife realised she gone out of love and wanted her freedom to spread her wings.

For the past 3 years I am now in a new relationship with a wonderfull woman. She and her children know Maebh and are ok with her. Two of her daughters pass me on some of their clothes, an other one always do my hair. From time to time we have girlies nights in or go out in shopping expeditions. I am so lucky to be surronded by so many wonderful GGs who appreciate my TGism as a bonus and a compliment to the value of the feminine.

LL&R
Maebh

[cindianna_jones]

Maebh... you must be an incredible person to have so much good karma!  Good for you!

Cindi

[Maebh]

Maebh... you must be an incredible person to have so much good karma!  Good for you!

Cindi

Go raibh maith agat

I dunno. I had a very unauspicious start: my mother tried to abort me, then when it didn't work and I was born premature the sight of me used to drive her demented and she'd beat me up senseless. Eventually the nuns in the local convent took my brother and me for a year. That was the only happy time in my childhood. They bestowed on us all their maternal instinct, and their deep christian care, gentleness and love.  Then when I was 4 my grandmother, (my mothers's mother) took me in and at at 5 years old prostituted me to American Servicemen in Marseilles. When my mother got married with my stepfather, my brothers and myself used to be whipped every day. Until when I was fourteen I tried to kill him and ran away. I was totally wild and mad with anger. I kept getting into fights and any troubles possible. I deserted from the French Army and was tortured for 72 hours twice by the British Army, then jailed in Northern Ireland and in France.

I was lucky in primary school a teacher took me under her wing and got me grants for education. I used to escape in studies and in nature. Eventually on my release from jail (where I read a lot) I hooked up with a wonderfull Corsican singer, an ex-prostitute with a past similar to mine. We moved back to Corsica living in a van in the eucalyptus forest between the sea and the marshes at the foot of the mountains.  There, for three years, in nature and away from eveything we lived of the sea and the land, helping each other to heal and learn to trust again. Together we moved from the survival mode to the living one. Eventually, ready to be master of our own destinity, we moved back into society, working and studying at the same time.  I think all of this and my ->-bleeped-<- gave me great strengh, and a strong affinity with the under-dogs. Then having the responsibility for the well being of my own familly and due to the unconditional love for and from my children and my wife I started to mellow a lot.

So there you are, and yes you are right, looking back I can see it is a great Karma. I learned a lot, I know that I always had in me something precious that refused to be destroyed. In hell's fire I was inured and I know that I am blessed with an undomptable free spirit, a keen sense of justice and empathy, a wicked sense of humour and a deep routed connection to the life forces of the universe. I am so proud to have passed these gifts to my own children without having ever raised my hand to any of them.

Love, Light and Respect.

Maebh

[Wendy]

I got married because my wife was my best friend and I enjoyed her company.

I knew I was different and figured I could handle it.  I did not really understand the term transexual.

Marrying my wife was a great decision.  It would be nice if I can come to terms with gender issues.

W

[Ricki]

I think i had asked a question similiar to this in an older post and got similiar answers and they were acceptable!
Ours or mine is not to judge anyone just absorb the info me thinks!
Ricki

[wynna]

I wanted to have kids. Because I was afraid of the fact that during or after transition I may not have a chance to have my own kids anymore.  I told my wife a few months from our civil wedding about my little secret but she didn't mind because I was also very loyal to her. But when I started taking hormones and the changes began to show, our arguments became frequent. She kept talking about what the kids might feel and react to this situation when they grow up. Currently, I'm forced to dress as a man when Im at home and whenever I'm together with my family. Other than that, it's practically ok with her to dress as a girl anywhere else but home. I also did not like the notion of breaking up with her, because I love my family and I wanted to stay together as a family. but currently things are getting a bit complicated... I just hope I will still have my family in the coming future.

[Kate]

I got married because my wife was my best friend and I enjoyed her company.

Yea, ya know, the other day I was actually trying to reassure my wife that I DID enjoy what I considered SOME "male" ways of beign around her. I told her that I DO adore her, that I did enjoy feeling stronger, a protector sometimes, her being "my little girl" and holding her, stroking her hair, finding her so pretty...

And she got mad, interrupted me, saying, "I do NOT want to be adored. I do NOT want to be a little girl. I want to be lusted after, I want a man to WANT me, as a man."

And I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...

Yikes.

Kate

[debbiej]

And I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...

Yikes.

Kate,

Before I shared my "little" secret with my wife we had settled into "old married couple" mode (perhaps prematurely at 49 and 46 years old). Now that I feel more free to be myself, we are holding hands more, cuddling more, talking more, and all that "friend/parent" stuff has brought back some of our earlier feelings for each other. At least I'm feeling it. I can't speak for her - but she has been more responsive than the recent past. But then again, maybe she wasn't as responsive because I wasn't able to be my true self, I wasn't giving her what she needed to be able to respond to me.

Our relationships with our significant others are changing aren't they? But then - a vital, growing relationship is always changing into something new.

Debbie

[cindianna_jones]

Maebh,

I admire you.

Cindi

[Kimberly]

Maebh,

I admire you.

Cindi

I second that, in a few ways.

[Maebh]

Maebh,

I admire you.

Cindi

Cindy and Kimberly, please will you stop; You got me to go all scarlet now

Go raibh mile maith agat Thanks a 

And if I may return the compliment, I admire you two so much as well...  and everyone here at Susan's who, like you, has grappled with the nettles of their lives and came through without bitterness but rather with a burning desire to help others in similar situations. 

Oh Yes! I am Soooo Proud to count myself as one of youse.*

LLL&R

Maebh

Jaysus! I suppose I'll need  bigger hats and boots now! 

[Wendy]

Maebh your life was unbelievable harsh.  Thank you for having the courage to share.

  I think all of this and my ->-bleeped-<- gave me great strengh, and a strong affinity with the under-dogs. Then having the responsibility for the well being of my own familly and due to the unconditional love for and from my children and my wife I started to mellow a lot.

Many with a harsh life become very bitter and vengeful but a few learn to have great empathy towards fellow humans.  Maebh, I am humbled by your strength and love.
................................................

I told her that I DO adore her, that I did enjoy feeling stronger, a protector sometimes, her being "my little girl" and holding her, stroking her hair, finding her so pretty...

And she got mad, interrupted me, saying, "I do NOT want to be adored. I do NOT want to be a little girl. I want to be lusted after, I want a man to WANT me, as a man."

And I realized that even all these things I used to think were "male" feelings towards her really weren't so much... more like a parent, a friend...

Yikes.

Kate

Kate a higher state above being a male or female is the fact we are humans.  Your actions with your wife are genuine affection which transcends gender.  You love your wife which is good.  In fact you did good!

Debbie you also did good!

I am glad many shared their stories.

W

[BeverlyAnn]

Maebh,

All I can say is Damn Dang girl!!!!!!!!

Why did I get married?  Because I met the ONE person for me.  I was 19, in the military, Dee was 17 and had just moved to Jacksonville.  When we met, something just clicked and after we had dated for about a month, it was just assumed by both of us that we would get married.  No one ever asked the other to marry, we just started talking about it and come June it will be 37 years.  I did tell her about the TG thing before we were married and for a few years, it was a struggle because she wanted me to quit and I DID try.  But we know how that goes.  Over the years we have adapted and learned where each others boundaries are.  One of the most beautiful moments though was just a few years ago.  We were watching TV and she turned to me and said not just I love you but "I love you, Beverly."  I stared at her for a couple of seconds and burst into tears of happiness.  She just had no idea how important that was to me until she said it.

Beverly

[debbiej]

Awe shucks Beverly,

You made me cry

Debbie

[Suzy]

"I love you, Beverly." 

That's amazing.  Thanks for sharing that!

Kristi

[Maebh]

Maebh,

All I can say is Damn Dang girl!!!!!!!!

Why did I get married?  Because I met the ONE person for me.  I was 19, in the military, Dee was 17 and had just moved to Jacksonville.  When we met, something just clicked and after we had dated for about a month, it was just assumed by both of us that we would get married.  No one ever asked the other to marry, we just started talking about it and come June it will be 37 years.  I did tell her about the TG thing before we were married and for a few years, it was a struggle because she wanted me to quit and I DID try.  But we know how that goes.  Over the years we have adapted and learned where each others boundaries are.  One of the most beautiful moments though was just a few years ago.  We were watching TV and she turned to me and said not just I love you but "I love you, Beverly."   I stared at her for a couple of seconds and burst into tears of happiness.  She just had no idea how important that was to me until she said it.

Beverly

Congrats Beverly I am so happy for you.

Would I be far from the mark if I said:  You were honest with her from the start. Because you loved her you tried hard, but as you say, we knows how it goes. So because you loved each other you worked at it and with compromise from both sides came to respect each other bondaries without cohersion or black-mail. I think that eventually, because she loves you and can appreciates the way Beverly tried so hard to accomodate her, she can now feel and say what she said. I'm sure it wasn't easy but you did it. WELL DONE! 

You are both really such a shining example of what can be achieved by a loving, caring, commited,respectful and appreciative relationship. May you be an inspiration for others strugling with the same dilema.

Bail ó Dhia ort God bless you. Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat The best of luck.

Light, Love & Respect

Maebh

[LostInTime]

An ex was outing me and I was running away from myself.  It did not last even a year.

[Danielle_oc_ca]

I got married because I was trying to deny my true self. And I was lonely and I figured this was the thing to do. It was the early 80s and without the Internet I had no idea I could do this though I was living in the most liberal city in Canada, Vancouver. If I had to do it over, I would not have married. I would have gone down to the West End and found my true self.

Yes, I love my now 19 year old daughter very much and she loves her ->-bleeped-<- dad just as much, I would not have regretted not having her. Because she has been through absolute hell for six years with reproductive troubles that hopefully now have just been fixed by a total hysterectomy. Until you go through it, you don't know the hell some women go through with reproductive troubles. And the indifference the medical systems gives to female troubles, even from women doctors.

Now I have been single since 1999, living in LA the last six years and on hormones now for almost a year.

Danielle