I just dont understand

[harlee]

Ive been out to my family for 2 years but most of the time it feels like I havent come out at all. No one in my family uses male pronouns but if they did I would still understand that saying "she" could just be a slip up. The thing is that my parents (mostly my dad) are still calling me things like a girl and lady. I dont see how saying "lady" can be a slip up. Its like you said the word on purpose!!! 

Also I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and just a couple of days ago my dad said to my brother "you are the only one in this family who doesnt have a brother you know"... and I was sitting right there  I just dont get it. My dad knows and he has known for a while now but he still says stuff like this? I dont understand why they are being like this after everything and going to all that therapy for 2 years! I wonder what they even talked about with my therapist every time they saw him privately themselves without me in the room!!

And I thought my parents were calling me "Jay", but it turns out they are calling me "J".. as in, J stands for my girl name.

[wheat thins are delicious]

You are going to have to take initiative with them in order to get them to say/do the right things by you, because it sounds to me that they are not the type of parents to willingly do it themselves.  Talk to them, maybe they don't realize what they are doing.  I know that in the beginning with my coworkers someone would misgender me/call me girl/or something and when I called them out on it, they would be like "no, really!?" because they wouldn't even notice, it was just natural for them cause that's how they were used to knowing me.

FWIW I came out to my family two yearsw ago and they still do crappy stuff like that.  The only one that doesn't is my sister (calls me my chosen name and male pronouns), but only if my mom isn't around, because my mom acts like a monster to people if she knows them (sister, sister's friend) and they call them stuff she 'doesn't approve of'.  My mom will correct herself about some things, calling me miss/ma'am she'll say something else after she does it,  but it's taking a lot of arguing and a lot of prompting from me and she's still nowhere close to calling me anything but my birthname much less male pronouns, thought sometimes she will accidentally (to her) "misgender" me.

My dad does realize that he should be calling me the right thigns but doesn't for some reason (?) he says he has to go with what my mother says.  Although me and him have discussed it and he told me he feels she is wrong in the way she treats me, at the same time he has said that I need to "give her time,"  I mean for ->-bleeped-<-'s sake, it's been two years man, there is only so long I can take this crap.

[Adio]

I'm sorry bud.  I know how bad it sucks to have your family keep misgendering you even when you're out and have been transitioning for a while.  It took my mom several years, about 5 actually, to really see me for the guy I am.  It wasn't until I got on T that I was able to tell the rest of my family the situation.  She didn't want them to know and also didn't want me to come out to anyone.

After a year or so of her misgendering me, we finally made a compromise.  Whenever she was around me or when we were out together, she wouldn't use any pronouns at all, call me by any name (she still couldn't say my masculine nickname), or call me her daughter.  This worked for a long time, a couple years.  Eventually I got her to start using my nickname, here and there, when I became "stealth" at uni, 5 years since I started transitioning.  Still, she had a hard time saying "he".  Later that school year when I got on T, she finally made the switch.  Now she calls me my nickname and uses masculine pronouns all the time.

Sometimes it just takes time, patience, and compromise.  I know that sucks, believe me I know.  In the beginning, I wanted or had none of that.  Over the years though I was able to develop it and surround myself with people who saw me for me.  Keep trying with your parents but realize it may take them longer to come around.

[Jeatyn]

Just offering my "i totally get what you mean" consolations. I don't really have any advice, it's been 4 years for me and the way my family act you'd think I only came out yesterday.

I find it easy to correct them when it's just a casual conversation but the hardest part for me is correcting people when they're trying to say something nice, or when it's for family get togethers. Like somebodies birthday or a funeral. I had a massive argument with one of my sisters like a year and a half ago after we came home from my aunts funeral/wake; because I was using the male bathroom and thinking nothing of it. Apparently I made "everyone" uncomfortable and they all told my sister about it. I was accused of "making the funeral all about me" by "making a statement" and using the male bathroom.

My other sister is the most awkward one, she helps me out in life so much, with financial favours and babysitting whenever I need it and whatever else I need she will always be there to help me out, she's 20 years older than me and has always been more of a parent than a sibling. So when she says things like "Sure I'll do anything for you, you'll always be my little girl" I just don't know what to say In the past I've gone in with the correction anyway but then she gets all defensive and annoyed and I don't like dealing with the hassle of having her mad at me.