"I'm not a female, but I play one on tv" aka not transitioning/unable to

[insideontheoutside]

So ... after the infamous "stealth" thread I thought I'd start another one just for guys to commiserate with one another about not transitioning. Maybe it's just a circumstantial thing where for whatever reason you really want to but can't, or there's other personal reasons for not taking the steps. Or maybe you're one of those guys that did a partial transition and are now happy with the results and your life and are no longer on T. Whatever the case ...

What trials and tribulations are you experiencing?

What coping mechanisms have you found that have helped?

What's your take on corrective surgeries?

How do you deal with how other people view you/your gender?

What's your view on life?

Etc ....

There's so many threads on here about T and changes on T and fears about T ... not everyone is in that boat. It seems there's mostly younger guys on here as well. I know there must be late 20's - 30's guys (or beyond) out there who either haven't started transitioning yet or can't/won't.

I'd like to read some other perspectives and new topics. Even if you are currently transitioning and have a word of advice or story to tell that the rest of us can relate to, weigh in.

[Marion]

Well, this is a happy post, so I'm not sure it goes in a thread with an explicit purpose of commiseration, but here goes:

I did karaoke tonight with a bunch of friends from the trans club at school I help run. I usually don't like singing in public as my voice is awkward--I had a bit of testosterone-puberty due to probable PCOS*, and a big middle chunk of my voice is missing. It doesn't get exercised ever, either, because I'm split between the part of me that wants to sing like a tenor or baritone and the part of me that remembers the last time I did serious singing, about ten years ago, when I was still a soprano. So I thought I did terribly and I even chickened out on a song, but when it was over one of my best friends said "oh, man, your voice is great, you sing like such a dude, I would have killed to have that voice before transitioning." So there's that. And he has classical training, too! I'm trying not to squee all over myself in a most ungentlemanly manner.

I haven't started transitioning for real-for real, and I'm going to have to be careful not to out myself this summer, but hopefully next year I can be a bit more out. Hopefully I can stick to a good exercise routine this summer while living with my mother, and bulk up my top half while reducing the amount of fat I have to bind. I'm feeling good about this tonight. Maybe my voice can pass without T sometimes if I work on it.

[insideontheoutside]

Now I'm not saying that you should live in the closet if your loved ones don't accept you, I'm saying that the people who misgender you don't really matter. I get misgendered all the time; currently, I pass maybe a few times a year if I'm lucky. It's hurtful, but I am trying to learn every day that the most important thing is that I surround myself with people who truly care for me, and who see me for who I am and accept my gender identity.

Yeah I totally get this. I have a handful of such people in my life and it really does make a lot of difference. It seems to be one avenue to travel for sure.

Well, this is a happy post, so I'm not sure it goes in a thread with an explicit purpose of commiseration, but here goes:

By all means, happy posts are good too! I know there's some guys out there who aren't on HRT just because they're singers and they don't want their voices to change.

[King Malachite]

Mr. Malachite

Age: 20

Trans Status:  Pre-transition/Unable to transition for the time being.  Still living as female


What trials and tribulations are you experiencing?

I mentioned most of these in the stealth post.

Increased dysphoria around that time of the month

I'm out to my dad and one of my sisters an neither of them support me and I know no one else will in my family so I have to deal with one day breaking the news to the rest.

Wondering constantly how I will pay for my transition while keeping on top of life itself in the future

Being called mam by my sister and other female pronouns by her even when she knows I'm trans.

Feeling inferior when men go out of their way to hold the door open for me

What coping mechanisms have you found that have helped?

Posting on this website

Fantasizing about being a male anime character

Surfing the web

Playing violent video games

Beating a dead tree with my baseball bat

Listening to music

Thinking positive about the future

Watching guys on Youtube give inspirational messages

What's your take on corrective surgeries?

Not too sure what you mean?  Like revisions to trans surgeries?  Yeah I'll definately get revisions if I see fit.  For trans surgeries in general I view what I have as a birth defect and I want to try to correct it as much as I can.


How do you deal with how other people view you/your gender?

For those who don't know I'm trans, I just try to ignore it and pretend they are using male pronouns.  To my father and sister who will probably just always see me as female I just give them a mental [censored] you.  It just makes me more sure of myself that I have to move out of state to avoid future hostility from them.

What's your view on life?

I view life as something I just have to go through.  I would have preferred to been aborted or miscarried or not even born but I just have to play with the cards that I were dealt with.  I just need to be a little bit more comfortable in this life.  I feel that I will only find 100 percent happiness in the afterlife as I view it where I will become a genetic male.  Until then I will do what I can to get by.

I will probably add more later on.

[JayKyle]

Name: Jayden
Age: 19
Status: In Limbo

What trials and tribulations are you experiencing?

Can't start T otherwise my dad will find out and I will loose all health benefits and the small amount of income I get from him plus being disowned by that side of the family. Also my mother said I had to move out if I do and that she will take my car back and must pay for my college fees on my own.

What coping mechanisms have you found that have helped?

Diet, exercise, Susans, therapist, and trying to reach my goal of being a singer/Actor. I've also recently started going to a church that is supportive of gays and trans so I have a support group there. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job and eventually be able to move out on my own and get insurance that might be able to cover my own stuff

What's your take on corrective surgeries?

I only want top surgery done by a select few doctors of which most are in Europe simply because I like their results better. As for bottom surgery, I still think the field is severly lacking in my particular tastes and will probably just have to wait till something comes around that I'm satisfied with.

How do you deal with how other people view you/your gender?

Working on loving myself as I am and knowning that people will just have to discover the real me eventually and that this is just a mask. I guess I'm just cosplaying all the time. *falling into insanity?* At least that's what my therapist is trying to get me to do.

What's your view on life?

Life is one hell of journey but I never really was one to stick to the road, so I guess I'll go off roading and pave my own ^^