Girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me today

[Da Monkey]

So yeah. I haven't been on here in a long time and felt myself drifting away from my trans* identity but then this happened. Now I'm not really sure how to feel. I've been with her since I first came out and transitioned so I know she's been through a lot with me but I don't think my identity has to do with the break up. She just thinks we're too different. In general, she's too serious and I'm not serious enough (not about the relationship, just in life itself).

Just looking for some advice and venting. This is my longest and most real relationship I've had. I think my longest before this was like 6 months or something.

Also on top of being upset that she's gone I wonder how to move on. I've never been single with well, what feels like a "secret". Not sure what to do with myself.

[supremecatoverlord]

So yeah. I haven't been on here in a long time and felt myself drifting away from my trans* identity but then this happened. Now I'm not really sure how to feel. I've been with her since I first came out and transitioned so I know she's been through a lot with me but I don't think my identity has to do with the break up. She just thinks we're too different. In general, she's too serious and I'm not serious enough (not about the relationship, just in life itself).

Just looking for some advice and venting. This is my longest and most real relationship I've had. I think my longest before this was like 6 months or something.

Also on top of being upset that she's gone I wonder how to move on. I've never been single with well, what feels like a "secret". Not sure what to do with myself.

I'm a similar position to you, but I actually am glad I am out of my last relationship, though it's one of the longer one's I have had - they knew me before I started transitioning, but actually was not too nice to me once I started to, even though they were "straight" identified, so it was sort of strange. Ultimately, I was the one who broke it off.
Not being born in the right body entirely does seem like a huge secret and it has made me highly uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone, or even being intimate with someone. I want to make sure I'm comfortable enough with my own body first. Moving on was not really an issue to me, but I'm also fearful of being seen as anything less than a man, especially because of how my last relationship went.
I'm rambling now as likely only half of what I said probably could be attributed to your situation.

[lexical]

Very sorry to hear it, man. Breakups are so awful, especially after a long relationship. The only thing that will really help you feel better is time. It's good to see you back around these parts, though... we're here for ya.

I think one of the best things to do post-relationship is to focus on yourself. If you don't already, I'd work on improving your eating, working out, reconnecting with people you haven't seen in awhile, picking up a new hobby or going back to something you've let go of, and finding new ways to enjoy yourself and the world around you. Might sound kind of corny, but getting back to the basics can really help when you're not sure what to do next. Good luck man, it will get better. Feel free to send me a msg if you want to chat more.

[Andy]

I don't have any advice, but I just want to tell you how sorry I am to hear it.

Good luck moving on, man. That's rough.

[Traivs]

Though it might seem weird when i had something like this happen I decided to take a break from relationships and just relearn to be myself. Sometimes you just need to be yourself for a while than everything will fall into place on its own down the road. So just be yourself and have fun. Sorry that happened to you though.

[Arch]

I'm so sorry, Monkey. That bites. I think that a lot of trans people take breakups harder than most folks because we wonder if we'll ever be in a relationship again, with all of our perceived disadvantages.

But I know so many trans guys here in town who have relationships. Some liaisons are sexual, some don't last too long, and others have been going strong for years. Some started before transition and some came when the guy was well into transition. So I think your chances are pretty good, especially if you're younger and into women.

Somebody suggested that you take up a new hobby. It's a great idea--join a group of people who follow that hobby--or you can find people who like something you already do. Join a book group, a knitting group, a gaming group, whatever. Take a class you've always wanted to take. See what's out there on Meetup. Some people try the personal ads, but that might not be for you.

Also, try to learn something from this relationship. It might help you with the next one.

[Da Monkey]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I'm definitely doing a lot better today. I messed up REALLY bad at work Monday. I thought I was gonna get written up. I f**ked up at least 400 items. I was so out of it. Probably because I hadn't had anything to eat since Saturday night hahah and didn't even realize until today and figured it was because I found the only food in my house was just junk food. So I went out and got some vegetables rice and lean chicken. I think I just wasn't eating because I really do eat a lot of junk food but generally don't feel good about it after so I think I was sub-consciously refusing it since I knew I would have felt worse about myself.

So that's one thing I am working on first I guess. All the junk and pop has been making me depressed.

Good ideas about joining a group. A guy at my work plays trading cards so I've been playing with him the past week and he's teaching me a lot of stuff. So I might make it more of a hobby and join tournaments and whatever. I'm also gonna sign up for driving lessons (again) and force myself to graduate to the next level for my license.

Sorry to write all that I guess I just need to convince myself that I do have other things going on and really need to put this behind me. It seems on her end that it really is over. I think I will be able maybe to better myself instead of crying all day and letting myself go hahah.

[Da Monkey]

I'm a similar position to you, but I actually am glad I am out of my last relationship, though it's one of the longer one's I have had - they knew me before I started transitioning, but actually was not too nice to me once I started to, even though they were "straight" identified, so it was sort of strange. Ultimately, I was the one who broke it off.
Not being born in the right body entirely does seem like a huge secret and it has made me highly uncomfortable with the idea of dating someone, or even being intimate with someone. I want to make sure I'm comfortable enough with my own body first. Moving on was not really an issue to me, but I'm also fearful of being seen as anything less than a man, especially because of how my last relationship went.
I'm rambling now as likely only half of what I said probably could be attributed to your situation.

That is one thing I just can't get out of my mind too. I feel as though the only way I will be able to find someone is in my hometown. I am completely open and don't really care who knows since most people know me there. But here where I live now I am completely stealth and can't put myself in that position here. Who will see us as men if we have to explain that we don't have the one thing that revolves around a man.

[Arch]

Aaarrrgh. You just reminded me of why I'm not getting anything done today. I went to a faculty function yesterday and ate a bunch of cookies. Then came home and didn't eat dinner, just snacks. No wonder I'm mentally foggy today.

I don't know why this blindsides me so often. I guess I'm so used to being out of touch with my body that I don't always think about my brain chemistry before I go on a chocolate chip cookie jag. At least I don't do it that often, but when I do...

It looks like you are kind of the same way.