Hi Everyone,
Ok, so here goes my first post on any forum ever. I'm a guy with trans* experience (falsely assigned female at birth), in my very early 20's still in school. I guess I would consider myself post-transition at this point. I'm well on my way in terms of the medical transition; (intend to use all the options possible, but I'm fully aware that none of that is required to validate or confirm anyone's gender).
I've had an interesting life story I suppose. Ever since early childhood I've been confronted by girls or women for using the "wrong" restroom. For along time it was an annoying hassle, and I'd tag along with male family members as much as possible to use the men's room. Long story short, eventually I realized that those people were right about it being the wrong restroom. Except it took a much longer time for me to not feel like everything was my fault, which I'm sure is a feeling a lot of us have dealt with or still continue to deal with.
But now it seems like forever ago when I finally typed out multi-page letter begging my parents for understanding about my dysphoria and why I should be able to transition.
To summarize my current ordeal: since testosterone and chest surgery my body dysphoria has certainly improved, and initially it was great to be able to start fresh with getting to know new people in college. At the time I thought it'd be great. But now I struggle with extreme invisibility and a lack of community. I don't know...maybe it was all the years spent worrying about people finding out my birth assigned name or being judged for my appearance that has made me fear meeting new people. I was always more accustomed and favored befriending female presenting/identifying people, but now they don't even really see me as a prospective friend anymore.
My identit(ies) are very much rooted in binary norms of masculinity and heterosexuality, yet I also am into applying feminist critiques toward... well, everything. Such as my favorite genres of music so rampant with misogyny, materialism, etc. Or current events. It's fascinating. But at the same time, it's all very confusing, because where do I find other men like me to relate to? Hm...
On the less serious side I'm from the SF Bay Area and when I'm not busy studying I like to hang out at malls (to people watch), go hiking or other nature-y places, or entertain random inspirations to get more muscular/fit. Also in my spare time I look at the bald spots in my beard and wonder why the heck hair won't just grow in normally like they seem to on everyone else...
Well, thanks anyone for hearing me out!
J
