First therapy session

[Padma]

I just had my first session with the NHS voice therapist, who was great. Lots of different areas to think about - articulation (front vs. back of mouth), resonance (head vs. chest), pitch (higher vs. lower vocal range), intonation (expressive vs. male monotone ), and on and on...

The main thing I figured out, though, is why I've been resistant to the idea of changing my voice, up until now. When I move my speech into a higher vocal range, I don't feel female... I feel like a kid, and that makes me feel very vulnerable. This is an association I'll be happy to move on from.

[apple pie]

Hello Padma! It's great to hear that you have started voice therapy

I am curious about the articulation, front vs. back of mouth, that you mentioned. Would you be able to tell me more about what your therapist told you about it?

I am wondering if it has anything to do with the difference in formant (i.e. resonance) frequencies between males and females (females are supposed to have about 10% to 15% higher formant frequencies), because the second formant frequency (F2) determines the frontness or backness of a vowel sound... (more frontal = higher F2 frequency)

[AbraCadabra]

"When I move my speech into a higher vocal range, I don't feel female... I feel like a kid,..."

Well, there is a sort of brain-mapping that relies on our voice resonance in our skull. Maybe the therapist told you this already. It is this mapping that will need some time to change i.e. to feel OK, and not childish when using the higher register.

After a while you will feel this higher register, mostly only 1/2 octave, to be quite alright. It is yet another challenge to maintain it!

I found that with short hellos and good buys, and short light chit-chat, it comes naturally. In fact the more femme I feel, the more it simply is a need to express myself in those higher notes. Any female will do much the same by the way.

The challenge comes when you need to get more authoritative in e.g. calling a dog to order, or getting into some longer and more serious kind of discussions about anything.
In all such cases my voice will drop - sometimes REALLY too much, so that at least I notice it after a short while.
Funny thing is... once you set the 'pace' started off high, on a femme 'welcome note' - very often one's voice dropping in pitch, then is hardly noticed by whom one speaks to.

[eli77]

The main thing I figured out, though, is why I've been resistant to the idea of changing my voice, up until now. When I move my speech into a higher vocal range, I don't feel female... I feel like a kid, and that makes me feel very vulnerable. This is an association I'll be happy to move on from.

Have you spent some time listening to what your voice actually sounds like in a higher vocal range? I had a different problem of perception - feeling my voice was male when it wasn't at all. Listening to recordings of my voice helped a lot.

[Padma]

The issue for me is specifically that using a higher-pitched voice, my subconscious experiences it as being pre-pubescent, and I associate that with being sexually abused as a child. So I have that association to overcome before I feel 'safe' speaking in a higher vocal range. I was surprised and shocked by how vulnerable I felt trying it out with the therapist. It is not a question of merely 'getting used' to speaking in a different pitch range, but of the emotional associations behind it. But then my whole transition seems to be throwing this issue up for me to deal with more deeply, so I'm kind of used to it at the moment .

As for the front vs. back thing, she said that men (at least this is English-speaking men) tend to speak in the back of their mouth, not using their lips so much, and mumble words more. Women tend to articulate more, and speak at the front of the mouth with more lip action - this is all interconnected with the chest vs. head voice thing, as when I speak more from the front of the mouth, there's less chest resonance too.