Wow. That is all I can really say. The last few days have been a roller coaster and while I know the ride is just beginning, I am glad to have found this place so early.
I am a slightly gender confused girl, who is currently dating the (wo)man of my dreams. Even before we got serious, I had already pretty much known that Elly felt like he should have been born in a female body. Initially we talked about this, and at the time he had pretty much assured me that while he felt that way, he didn't think he would actually ever go through with the process necessary to transition from male to female.
I have spent the last 14 weeks studying abroad, while Elly has been stuck at home in the states. This has given me tons of time to think. A few days ago I brought the questions about his plans for the future up again, but the answers weren't the ones I was hoping for. He wanted to change how he looked to match what he felt inside.
I want to be so supportive. If it was just us, I know I could be. I think he is a beautiful woman, and I will love and support him no matter what he looks like or the gender he wants to be.
BUT.. There is always a big BUT...
I am scared. I am scared for us, and for our relationship. I worry about my family and the plans he and I had for the future. Mostly I am selfish I think. I don't want him to change, because I love him just how he is. I don't want him to change so I don't have to deal with people who will judge him, especially my family who I know won't want to except him or our relationship. I don't want to possibly lose my friends who don't accept us.
So all these things are running through my head, and I have been thinking more and more about myself, and wondering if I am really all that normal either. So I am trying to find where I fit in as well. I hope that I find answers and support for my own journey, as well as the one I am now beginning to take with Elly.
~Suki
