Troubled relationship, didn't know where to ask this.

[Nayahbi]

Sorry, I didn't want to go to yahoo because they are horrible people there. I am a cis woman 24 I have never been with a woman before but she was something I have been looking for. She is so sweet, kind, thoughtful, gentle, so beautiful so unlike the het relationships I have been in. I actually feel equal with her like she truly values me like I value her, I feel a deep connection, It has been the greatest 3 months now. I she told me after the 4th date that she was born male and I told her that I had no problem with it.

But things have become very strange, she wont let me do anything for her. When we fool around she wont let me touch her and when I bring it up she just withdraws from me emotionally. She wont tell me how she is feeling or what is wrong and anytime I start to bring it up she gets too upset and I have to just leave it alone and comfort her.

To be completely honest I have no idea what to do, I really like her I think I am falling for her but I am so paranoid. I am starting to get my stupid paranoid brain that she doesn't actually like me. I haven't dealt with anything like this before and I don't want to loose her because I have never had a relationship where I feel this connected emotionally and physically to the person. I just don't understand why she wont let me in sometimes. Does she think I am going to hurt her? Or does she not want to be with me and she is just afraid of hurting me? I really really need to know what to do because I don't want to loose this.

To be honest, I am terrified. I have no idea how she is feeling about us or what she is going through emotionally. I feel very out of control because I have never experienced what it is she is going through I feel I don't know how to help her transition. Honestly I feel like crying because I feel like I am failing her. I have no idea where to start and what resources to read, why she is shutting me out. And I don't want to keep bringing these things up because I don't want to hurt her, I just have no idea how to make things better from here, what can I do?

[Bexi]

Heya, its nice that you've found happiness with her. Heres my two cents:

Regarding the hanky-panky situation, she may withdraw because she is embarassed or ashamed about her genitalia. A lot of transwomen are, and find it uncomfortable, as they believe that they are women (albeit trapped in a male body) and to have this male appendage brings them back to reality and their less-than-ideal body. She may think that this wonderful person has fallen for her (a woman) but when she gets undressed, shes in this horrible male body and is self-conscious about not living up to your expectations.

As shes presumably mid-transistion, she is probably in a fragile state and shuts-down emotionally to avoid any hurt. About your paranoia, just ignore it! If everything seems to be going so great, then why should you let anything negative affect your relationship? She's going through a heck of a journey, physically and emotionally, so is bound to have a bit of mental turmoil. If you support her through this, and be an emotional pillar for her, she'll come to love and respect you even more.

Theres lots of information, online and in real life, that can help you understand her situation and sympathise with what she has to endure to exist in the body that she feels she was born to be in. A quick google can turn up all manner of literature and joining here was probably a good idea too lol!

If shes worth it, then stick with her and im sure you'll be happy together for amny years to come
All the best,
X

[Jamie D]

Hi Nayahbi.  Welcome to Susan's.

I moved your post over to this forum because I thought you would get better responses.  I see Bexi has already replied.

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