Should I fight? Should I make my voice heard? Issues at work.

[Amy1988]

I know people have heard rumors about me at work but no one really knows.  I'm treated as female so I assume most think I am.  But if people are talking behind my back I could really care less.  I go to work to get paid not to make friends or be liked. If I didn't need to make money I wouldn't even be there. As long as no one harasses me to my face I don't care.  I'm not a socially oriented person and I don't care about other people so you can imagine how little I care about what people think of me.

[JulieBlair]

I feel like an idiot for fighting for my good name, but at the same time, I don't want to be besmeared.

Any thoughts?

A couple of things come to mind.
First, We as people have the right to control our own transition.  For that to be usurped is at least disrespectful, and at worst can put us in harms way.  Rumor mongering is never pretty, and in the case of transition, probably harmful.

Second, I just came out at work and have been wonderfully received.  Prior to this there were people who figured out that I was in transition, but most just thought that I was a bit odd.  It is funny what people don't see when it is outside of their immediate experience.  Still I have never felt I needed to defend my "good name"  I am who I am, I live as authentically as I can, and always try to respect everyone's personal integrity.  That I am a T-girl is who I am.  It is not me who is defamed by rumor, however if I am uncomfortable with the rumors the solution is scary, but simple - disclose.

You indicated you lived in a tolerant society where your rights were protected.  What is the down side of coming out and living openly as who you are?  For me, I was not comfortable until hair, body shape, beard etc were all close to feminine, but that was my choice.  Coming out put me in control of my environment.  That is important to me, and it sounds like it is important to you too.  What do you think, is it worth it to let the half truths of the rumor mill out you?  You are worth living as the person you are, and in the time and space of your choosing.  Sometimes the temporal dimension is not ours, but the rest of it can be if you so choose.

Best of luck and lots of support,

Julie