I may have kinda just maybe have fallen for my best guy friend ftm

[JustThatWeirdKid]

So I'm ftm but not out yet. I have a best friend Max who I met in 4th grade and we've been friends since the day we met. He comes over at least once a week to spend the night still. We have a chill relationship and are open with each other. Recently  though I've come to notice that I'm beginning to... I guess actually care about him. He's always there for me such as when my dad died this valentines day he was right there next to me as i cried telling me its fine and making me laugh about memories I'd long forgotten or last night we were sitting on my trampoline watching the stars and he kept saying its cold and snuggling up to my side though he'd say were close and move every couple of minutes away but there he was at my side again in 2 seconds.
He used to act like this a lot more we'd watch movies and he'd lay his head on my chest and sit there but he seems to do it less and less I almost feel as if he was just testing it out and I didn't respond either way. When we house sat for my sister we got high (I don't recommend it I was going through some hard stuff) and he wouldn't get off me he would lay on top of me as if we were wresting and me being the weak kid I am I couldn't move him but as soon as he heard a noise he jumped up and said your lucky this time and sat somewhere else. He did playfully' wrestle me to the ground though outside until he saw our friends and literary slammed my face in the grass and made me 'eat' grass  ehhh that was bad. He thinks I'm lesbian just because I can get any girl I want just by looking at them  but the problem is I don't want them  .
Sorry this is getting long I'll wrap it up soon but what really got me thinking is last night, I was walking with him to the donut shop while he was riding a bike so during this i take a side street that leads to the same road he was going to be on. So he never shows so I find him later and he came running up to me saying  omg I thought I lost you ,don't ever do that to me again ,i was so scared. So ltr me being the prick I am got proof not good proof but still because he kept rubbing my leg while he was falling asleep on my bed while we were watching tv,But Main Question: With all of the signs he's giving me what do I do? Do I let him make the move or me? Do I tell him how I feel? I don't want me later coming out to ruin our relationship now I can't imagine what would happen if it got more serious... Any advice?

Note: He knows I like guys too he just assumed that I'm straight but have a lesbian side lol when i say it out loud from my view as ftm lol

[=celestica=]

Cute story.
To be honest, I think you should be the one to make the first move.
He sees you as liking girls only.
You need to let him know that's not true.

[dalebert]

It's hard to tell what you're asking about. This guy definitely seems to be into you. Those signs seem pretty unambiguous to me. Honestly, all you really have to do is send some signals back that his advances (and yes, I think that's what they are) are welcome. Maybe touch him back a little when he touches you in ways that you like. Maybe put your hand on top of his when he puts it on your leg, or if he comes up behind you and puts his arms around your waist, grab his wrists and pull his arms tighter around you. Things like that.

But you're also pointing out that you identify as a boy and are considering the possibility of someday transitioning, right? So are you also curious about how that might affect things if you start dating this guy more seriously? I assume he's straight, though it's possible he's bi. Obviously, transitioning may affect the relationship. As you get older and hopefully see a therapist about your feelings and how you identify, and if you decide to transition in some manner, I suspect you'll choose being true to yourself first regardless of how it affects your relationships, but that all depends on you. It's all very personal and something you should talk about with a therapist at some point.

[supremecatoverlord]

I would confide in him before dating him about how you identify personally, even though nobody else really knows yet. I've found because I was a guy and there was a time that people didn't always see me that way, it's given me romantic difficulties with even people that I considered myself relatively close to. Basically, what I'm saying is that it may hurt to be intimately involved and treated like something you know you're not.