my girlfriend and i recently just had a "break up" or a "break" (however you may want to look at it) and while we were on a "break" she called her ex boyfriend over, and had sex with him. told me in the morning and then told me it made her realize she loved me. i don't know if it's because i don't like him, or because i can't have "sex" with her the same way but, it's just eating me up inside. we've rekindled, set boundaries for eachother, and have really been working on things. but deep down, i told myself after my previous long term relationship that ended badly, that i would NEVER let someone do something like that to me again. i still love her and still feel the same, but at the same time, i'm still so hurt and saddened by everything that has happened. i saw her text him saying we were back together, but it's hard because we share a bed in which all i think about would be "he was in this bed we share" "he did _____ with MY girlfriend in this room". I can tell she's really trying, but it's still in my head, but i keep thinking all of these thoughts. please dont judge me or yell at me for "if youre not sure, then you shouldnt have continued it" because i know that was a choice i made, but i know id never forgive myself if i didnt try again. but now i'm just confused. she supports me more than i know. she's always researching about FTM transition, helos me with my son, and even my therapist said she'd like to meet her. i dont know if we should bring this all up at therapy or not, but i'm hurt. i'm not even mad. i'm just, saddened. as we speak, i'm here spending time with her family and i love them all and i love spending time with her. but, this is still in my head. i don't want to bring it up because i know all we'll do is argue about it, but my heart hurts. i feel like i HAVE to say something more. it was about a week ago so i'm wondering if it's still because it's so fresh, it's gonna hurt, but it's killing me keeping all of this in.
i have so much to worry about with my son, my transition, my financial situation etc. that i KNOW i cant keep it in much longer. Has anyone else had this issue? has it gotten better? was i wrong for giving her another chance?
