Hi everyone, my name is Jessi and I'm 17 years old. This coming year of high school, I'm going to be a senior, and I've had all these years of my life to get to know myself... Yet I am just now beginning to... at least, I think I am.
I guess since I don't even know myself, I'll tell you all the facts that I know, and I would like advice about everything... I don't know where to go or what questions to even ask.
In some of my mom's early ultrasounds when I was in her womb, the doctors were sure I was a boy. Everyone saw the penis that was there, even my parents. And it was definitely not an indifferent penis. So when I turned out to be a girl, my mom "was fairly surprised."
Growing up, I always dreamt about being a boy and once when I was in 2nd grade or around that, I "made out" with two of my friends, who were girls. That was the only physical contact I have ever had with any human being. To this day, I haven't truly kissed anyone, neither girl nor boy.
I was never particularly girly, either, and I didn't like fashion or makeup or any of that. I was a really sad kid, too, like clinically depressed, and I always did what my older sister did (who was a tomboy, but she's grown out of that now - she has a serious boyfriend).
I have always tried to convince myself that I needed a boyfriend, that it was my key to true happiness, because medications have never helped me. Now that I look back, I realize... I was trying to cover everything up. I like girls. I am gay. And I want to be a boy. It confused me. And I still am confused.
Lately I have been so angry... Flustered... Fighting with my family constantly. I don't even know why. I just feel like I am not supposed to be the way I am.
I'm so uncomfortable with myself, as well as sad, among other emotions.
So I told my mom about it. She says she supports me and whatever I decide to do, but I just need advice. Help. Anything.
Did any of you feel this way? Have you done the transition? Have you regretted it?
Please help.
