Why I waited so long to START!

[DanicaCarin]

Hey All......

I've been going through a lot of "weirdness" with coworkers lately. For some reason it has brought up emotions/thoughts of why I waited so long to start HRT. Or maybe why I did start HRT/Transitioning.

Well, I'll fess up and admit that it was my Mom who stopped me. When I was young my parents knew I was "different". From the time my mom found girls underwear in my room to when I plastered my "boy" bike with Wonder Woman, Bat Girl, & My Pretty Pony stickers.  I wanted to fit in! She told me that I would break her heart if I went out the door as a boy, and came back as a girl! 41 years and I never forgot that statement!

That was my first taste of "REJECTION".  My next taste was when my "girlfriends" realized I was Different. No longer was I a fellow "girlfriend". but a "smelly, mean, boy"! I started "cutting" after that, I  never looked back. I was abandoned and that was the way it was.

Edit: Many years of confusion and heartbreak..... I realized I would never be "normal". I would always be depressed and miserable. Even if i "PLAYED" the part. Fast forward 20 years and my Mom passes away. I no longer have this "need" to be "LOYAL" to her requet!

A year later I was talking to a therapist and starting HRT.

I know we all love our parents! But please don't postpone your life for anyone! I loved my Mom. But, I realized she would rather have me transition early(And more succesfully) than wait until she passed!

I'm in a "weird" place. I can't even understand most of my coworkers. But, Please don't wait  for"OTHER" people. If your not sure? Wait! If your just not feeling "ready", then wait! But if you trust your feelings, follow them.

Best,
Dani

AKA "LUSH", hussy, & tomboy!

[suzifrommd]

Thanks for the story, Dani. In fact, I think your Mom's heart wouldn't *actually* have been broken, just a bit jarred. With a little care it probably would have been as good as new, but we put such weight in what our parents say.

For me it was the words to a song:

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;
The morning's looking bright;
And your shrink ran off to Europe,
And didn't even write;
And your husband wants to be a girl;

Don't know if you remember this verse - it was part of the theme song from the TV show Cheers, but that verse haunted me and I never wanted my wife to have to sing it.

[dumb bunny]

Why didn't you tell me this 30 years ago?!


Really though, I should have taken my grandmother's advice when I was 18 and get through college and get a good job and then go on and transition. She never liked the idea of it, but she knew it was something I needed to do sooner or later. And too, at the time, she wasn't keen on my girlfriend that I later married, so the way she was, it wouldn't surprise me if that wasn't part of her thought process with it as well, lol.  She was one manipulative old biddy, that's for sure.