Here is my current train of thought: Am I androgynous? It seems I might be.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Greetings to everyone this fine evening.

I have been searching about myself, trying to figure out if what I really want is to live my life out as some form of androgynous.

Right now I would be very comfortable taking Hormone Therapy to feel and look a little more feminine. I would also like to have no body hair or facial hair. I hate having hair anywhere except for my head. I also don't want thick eyebrows anymore.

I would like to learn how to add a feminine style to my existing male style, that is learn to walk and talk and carry on in mannerisms the way a woman does and also sing like a woman too.

But when it comes to clothing I am not sure how I feel about trying to wear a full female style all the time (i could wear it sometimes).

I think I would prefer to wear androgynous clothing most of the time.

I am also not sure about whether I would like to have SRS surgery, I am still unsure about how I feel or that needs to be addressed or not.

The other thing is honestly, I would have no problem if someone called me sir or mam at this point, I get a feeling like I want to stay gender-fluid. I seem to react to sir most of the time, although some days I seem to not like being called sir.

But how do I even go about this? I am not sure if a GID Therapist or Psychologist would approve me for HRT or any kind of transitioning if I didn't want to identify as fully female.

The last thing is I am not sure how I feel about changing everything on my Records to reflect a female gender. Then again I get a sensation that I don't want it to say male either.  So It does not seem hopeful to be stuck in the middle somewhere.

[peky]

You take estrogen, you will get boobage, you get boobage, you have to wear a bra. Keep exploring girl !

[Shawn Sunshine]

  LOL I already have boobs, I have gynecomastia , I think I would be a C cup right now at this point. I have never taken hrt before

[aleon515]

Hi Shawn (btw, love Shawn to Shawn),

Well the problem with your question, is that only you can answer it.  You can explore it, and see if it fits you. There are an awful lot of posts for you to read and even to respond to. Some of what you talk about like how you dress is called gender presentation. There are a lot of females that in a kind of androgynous style. AFAIK, you can still be a female without SRS. I mean I don't think anyone is necessarily checking. If you decide that you are androgyne this is not exactly STUCK. It isn't always easy, but I don't think you are looking for an easy route anyway. You want what makes you happiest and maybe most fullfilled. What might that be, I can't answer.

As for hormones, well there are doctors prescribing them to androgynes. As long as you are being closely monitored, if at some point, and there may or may not be some point, you will just (for various reasons) say "enough". But since you don't know...

I don't know a lot of mtfs on youtube, but this person "uppercase chase" is ftm
why i stopped t.
Perhaps some of what he says might resonate.

--Jay Jay

[suzifrommd]

But how do I even go about this? I am not sure if a GID Therapist or Psychologist would approve me for HRT or any kind of transitioning if I didn't want to identify as fully female.

Are you seeing a therapist now, Shawn?

The reason why I ask is that the job of the therapist is to help you decide what course of action would be right for you. Some times that will mean SRS, hormones, etc., but the main reason to see one is to help you figure out what will lead you to your own goals.

[Shawn Sunshine]

saw a Therapist for 2 weeks but she was not addressing the issue, helping me explore. You can see my bad experience in the therapy thread.

[AbraCadabra]

The bottom line?  - ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THIS QUESTION -

A therapist may be able to help you find this answer for yourself - if you can work with him or her.

And as androgynous goes, it's yet more elusive then trans* in terms of any "explanation" - even by those that seem clear to BE androgynous!
So... it might just BE a challenge to figure this out.

I understand you are on HRT, - DIY?... and now not so sure anymore?

Well, if this is it... I would stop - NOW!

E will mess with your emotions and your mind - if you not trans*...

I'm starting to understand why my shrink was ever so reluctant about agreeing to give any early prescriptions (after 3 months therapy only).
In fact he gave NONE... ever.
ERT only after SRS, - then it was not his to do it anymore, hum.

Lastly, I have not heard you speaking much about YOUR *GID* and not being sure (anymore?) would tell me it's not such an issue? Yes...?

Seems you have to ask yourself some questions here, that – is my take.

Axélle

[Shawn Sunshine]

no no no, I have never taken hormones, at this stage I am just seeking out counseling and therapy. I haven't dont anything in the way of transitioning.

[AbraCadabra]

no no no, I have never taken hormones, at this stage I am just seeking out counseling and therapy. I haven't done anything in the way of transitioning.

Very good, seems you already have avoided one big mistake then. Only my opinion.
So next be to figure out: "what's cooking, good looking" i.e. what is motivating you - to even post here, see?

There got to be some reason... NOW... what might that be?!

It will entail some rather uncomfortable questions to be answered - my experience - and you will need to cut to the quick and come up with some very honest answers, for sure.
Otherwise... you may wind up in deep .... well you know then

Only way to figure this, is by using a 'helping hand' of a professional - YOU be OK to work with, um?

Can't be done via the web, and THAT... is NO maybe.
Not even over the phone, if you'd ask me.

Axélle

[DeadBoy]

My advice is don't do anything in terms of transition unless you're sure. If you feel gender-fluid then transitioning or trying to fit into one gender or the other might make you feel like you've lost a part of yourself.
For your dislike of body and facial hair, you could try electrolysis. It's less of a radical change than hormones or surgery and it might make you feel more comfortable with your body.

[aleon515]

no no no, I have never taken hormones, at this stage I am just seeking out counseling and therapy. I haven't dont anything in the way of transitioning.

I agree with "deadboy" (Deadboy?!) on this. Don't let anyone pressure you in any way that hormones and SRS are a good idea. As this person says, it might actually make you feel worse, if it is not really you. SRS is pretty much a one way trip. Hormones can be taken in smaller doses and so on, and people have changed their minds or stopped.

If you can't find another therapist, perhaps you could find one who will help you via Skype or online. I think laura's playground has a pretty good list for this. I'm not aware of Susan's. So excuse me.
http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm
You might particularly look for words like gender variant or gender nonconforming in their descriptions. If they have interacted with people like us, they may understand it better.

Also you might try clothes and so on. You can read some of the appearance threads (child forums). See if any of this makes you feel more like YOU.

--Jay Jay

[suzifrommd]

I'm going to piggyback on what Jay Jay suggested.

Finding a therapist involves shopping around. When your choosing a therapist find someone who:

* Is empathetic and non-judgmental
* Who knows when to listen and when to offer insight
* Who is willing to call out their clients whey they're fooling themselves.
* Who you personally feel comfortable talking to
* Is reliable and seems to care about you.

If you have reservations about a therapist, hit the bricks and keep looking. There are a lot of fish in the sea and they need you more than you need them.

[Romeo Seeks Ophelia]

saw a Therapist for 2 weeks but she was not addressing the issue, helping me explore. You can see my bad experience in the therapy thread.

I know it's like it's sort of game, like they aren't as serious as they ought to be.