Being the girlfriend of an FTM

[marlones31]

We have been in a relationship for almost 7 years and my partner started "the change" a year ago in March. We were already having some problems with our relationship before he ever started T but now it has been so much worse. I have been seeing a therapist and she said she wanted me to write him and let him know what was on my mind. I did but DID NOT expect the return letter, it broke my heart. He said he felt the tension between us and he was ending our relationship to make us both happy. I didn't like it therefore I didn't go with it. I told him we never even tried to work our problems out and it would kill me to end this without working on it first. Over the last 3 weeks things have been going great, we have actually been talking everyday about little things on our minds. It feels like the burden has been lifted. We have both been reading self help books and seeing a couples counselor for the 2nd time today.
Well here is the topic: Yesterday we were talking and he FINALLY started telling me whats on his mind. He said he thinks about sex about 75% of the time and one agreement in our working this out situation was no sex with each other. I now know its because he doesn't want to have sex with me. He says he is soooo confused and doesn't want to jump the gun but he wants to try new things. I feel very lost and I don't know how to act because I still want him. That has never changed for me, I will never grow a real penis or be as sexy as a porn star for him though. Which is what it seems he wants. He doesn't know if the effect T has on him will ever settle down or will he always feel so confused. I need help before I fall into further depression. This makes me sad.... Any guys on T that has made it through these problems?

[Sera]

I don't quite fit the requested characteristics, as I am only male. But in my observation, it seems often men run around looking for sex without love, AKA flings and one-night stands. Perhaps this situation is reverse?

Definitely wait for more opinions, of course. This is just my brief thought.

[Psyke]

Hiya, I can't give you too much of an answer from my own point of view as I find myself in pretty much your situation exactly (but from the other perspective) but I have 3 sets of friends that give me hope and I wonder if their stories might help you as well.

1 friend has been going out with his partner for years now, they are strong, they work at their relationship but in a relaxed way. He has said more than once that if he wasn't going out with her he would be a gay man but they are happy together and plan to stay together.
Another friend is in a similar position, took some time to "experiment" but came back to his mrs
Another primarily looks at guys but dates women

Gender and sexuality is messy and confusing at the best of times, if you two are anything like me and my better half you really need to work on being honest, open and understanding. Not just in talking about your own feelings but really listening to the other persons. It's a tough road in a relationship but I have seen many couples stay together throughout and be so much stronger for it.

[marlones31]

Thank you so much. I am really trying to open up and hear him. I can tell this is going to be quiet the adventure. I see now that we never talked about him before this month and he seems happier to get things off his chest. I have faith that things will end up well. I feel much better after reading your message.

[Nygeel]

This is one of the things I can say about myself and my own situation only, and it might relate to yours, it might not.

I had been out as male for awhile before I started hormones and really there was a difference sexually pre hormones vs being on them. I was a little more insecure I guess in myself, and my body. I acted sexually in a way that would some how make me feel "more male" even if it wasn't something that was actually making me seem more male. Once I went on T, it really was like puberty all over again. I started to become who I was and getting more okay with who I am. I was in a long term relationship before hormones that ended before I started and I'm kind of glad we broke up. It's like I was in some ways a 17 year old boy and just figuring myself out and finding what I really like instead of following everybody else.

So, it's possible that he wants to explore and better understand who he is sexually.