Yesterday was one of those 'woke up depressed' days (GID+ money woes etc). I got snippy with the SO within minutes of waking up.
I slogged through the day, and after work my closest friend (also a co-worker) and I decided to stop by our local dive bar. As I've briefly mentioned in another's thread, I have been hoping to talk to someone other than my SO and my therapist before my next appointment, so I thought that maybe this would be a good enough time to try and talk to him. Unfortunately, the bar was a bit too crowded for my confidence, so I proceeded to quaff my weak beer and then another before we left. On the walk home, I clumsily expressed that I'd been hoping for a smaller crowd so we could chat, he said anytime, so I asked if we could just walk back to his place and get it over with.
So...another beer later (I have the tolerance of an ox), I'm sitting with him and his girlfriend (also a close friend) and coming out. I think that my heart-rate was higher for this than telling my SO or my therapist. They were very supportive, as I'd presumed, and I feel pretty good to not have to silence any topics or thoughts that come up while we're hanging out out of fear that it will lead to too many questions. It was actually very interesting to see how different each of their reactions were. He was mostly worried about having given offense in the past (we've had many discussions about how difficult it can be to not offend via pronouns and such), while she was mostly curious about my struggle keeping everything bottled up in my head.
(Not having had dinner, I figured I'd take advantage of the buzzed courage and see if I could get another friend in our little circle to come over, but sadly he was busy a few towns over.)
It's a massive weight off. Of course, now I've redoubled the number of people who know, so it feels twice as 'real,' which ended up keeping me awake a bit too late.
Next step: Support group meeting tomorrow.
