Father's Day again, and yet once more being 'shunted aside and ignored'...

[AbraCadabra]

Gosh, why does it hurt so much being shunted aside for Mother's AND Father's Day?

Haven't we all tried ever so hard to do our duty just as any decent cis-person, I ask?

Changed nappies, bottle fed, taken the kids out, to school, to have fun, cooked for them (I did), played with, taught them some decency, took them on holiday trips ... at al?

Now we are punished for being only who we are?
Not easy to swallow - last year I cried bitterly. This year? I really don't want to be/get bitter, but it still hurts. It sure does hurt. A lot.

From me: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!  to all of you being ignored on this day, and the same to all you lucky ones that are NOT being ignored too.

Love,
Axélle

[Brooke777]

Happy Father's Day Axelle!!

I completely agree, we should not be ignored or pushed aside. Being trans does not mean we are not worthy parents.  This is my first Father's Day since I came out to my roommate (a.k.a wife), and she told me yesterday that she planned on skipping Father's Day. She won't even take my son out to get me a gift. It really hurts. But, it is my day. I am going to take my son out for breakfast, and then we will spend the day together.

I hope you are able to spend time with your kid(s).

[Naturally Blonde]

Happy Father's Day Axelle!!

I completely agree, we should not be ignored or pushed aside. Being trans does not mean we are not worthy parents.  This is my first Father's Day since I came out to my roommate (a.k.a wife), and she told me yesterday that she planned on skipping Father's Day. She won't even take my son out to get me a gift. It really hurts. But, it is my day. I am going to take my son out for breakfast, and then we will spend the day together.

I hope you are able to spend time with your kid(s).

I understand your situation but can also see the other point of view. Your partner or wife sees that you want to (or are) in transition but at the same time you still want to celebrate being male by having a fathers day. I personally don't blame her for skipping 'fathers day'. Why don't you ask for a present on mothers day instead?

[jainie marlena]

seems so messed up to me. I am their dad but I'm treated as if I can't be one to them over gender. My grandma was my dad to me. She was the best dad ever. why do people get this confused and think we want to give up everything and start taking things from us? Cis-gender folks can play both roles but for some reason they act like we are now handycapped from doing male things.

[Brooke777]

I understand your situation but can also see the other point of view. Your partner or wife sees that you want to (or are) in transition but at the same time you still want to celebrate being male by having a fathers day. I personally don't blame her for skipping 'fathers day'. Why don't you ask for a present on mothers day instead?

I don't think that celebrating Father's Day is about celebrating being male. It does not matter my gender, I will always be my son's father. I love him so much, and no matter what I look like, I will always love him. This day is not about her, so she should have no say in how it is celebrated. That is why I am just going to leave her at home and celebrate it with just my son.

Sorry for sounding assertive, this is a sensitive topic for me. I hope I am not being too abrasive.

[Naturally Blonde]

I don't think that celebrating Father's Day is about celebrating being male. It does not matter my gender, I will always be my son's father. I love him so much, and no matter what I look like, I will always love him. This day is not about her, so she should have no say in how it is celebrated. That is why I am just going to leave her at home and celebrate it with just my son.

Sorry for sounding assertive, this is a sensitive topic for me. I hope I am not being too abrasive.

Your not being too abrasive but it may confuse things by celebrating 'fathers day' with your son if he's just starting to except you as female.

seems so messed up to me. I am their dad but I'm treated as if I can't be one to them over gender. My grandma was my dad to me. She was the best dad ever. why do people get this confused and think we want to give up everything and start taking things from us? Cis-gender folks can play both roles but for some reason they act like we are now handycapped from doing male things.

I don't think you should ever be alienated from your family but it is a sort of of 'you want your cake and eat it' situation. I don't have a wife and I don't have kids and didn't want to go down that road. You say your Grandma was dad to you, did she celebrate fathers day?

I think the fathers days celebration isn't important but what is important is your relationship with your family.

[Brooke777]

I do agree, if my son was still getting used to me being a woman it would be confusing. But he does not know yet. I still present male, and am waiting to tell him till summer break starts (the end of next week).

[jainie marlena]

@Naturally Blonde, point taken. A good point if I may add. 

[Sephirah]

*gives you all a big, massive hug*

For what it's worth, none of you should be ignored and there are some people (well, me for one), who would have been honored to have a parent such as yourselves - someone with the integrity and determination to show your children the love and affection they deserve whilst dealing with the often harrowing struggles that everyday life throws at you. To still want to be there. That alone is something that, personally, I find truly wonderful.

To those of us unfortunate enough to have been encumbered with a hateful, horrid, often abusive and ultimately invisible parent... that you still have belief and affection in, and for your children is a testament to your kind hearts and beautiful souls. That alone should be celebrated, regardless of what day you call it.

You all have my eternal respect and admiration.

[peky]

Gosh, why does it hurt so much being shunted aside for Mother's AND Father's Day?

Haven't we all tried ever so hard to do our duty just as any decent cis-person, I ask?

Changed nappies, bottle fed, taken the kids out, to school, to have fun, cooked for them (I did), played with, taught them some decency, took them on holiday trips ... at al?

Now we are punished for being only who we are?
Not easy to swallow - last year I cried bitterly. This year? I really don't want to be/get bitter, but it still hurts. It sure does hurt. A lot.

From me: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!  to all of you being ignored on this day, and the same to all you lucky ones that are NOT being ignored too.

Love,
Axélle

No fair at all, my dear Lady!!!! You and anybody who "fathers" and/or "mothers" somebody does deserve a lot of respect and love.

XXOO

[Brooke777]

*gives you all a big, massive hug*

For what it's worth, none of you should be ignored and there are some people (well, me for one), who would have been honored to have a parent such as yourselves - someone with the integrity and determination to show your children the love and affection they deserve whilst dealing with the often harrowing struggles that everyday life throws at you. To still want to be there. That alone is something that, personally, I find truly wonderful.

To those of us unfortunate enough to have been encumbered with a hateful, horrid, often abusive and ultimately invisible parent... that you still have belief and affection in, and for your children is a testament to your kind hearts and beautiful souls. That alone should be celebrated, regardless of what day you call it.

You all have my eternal respect and admiration.

Thank you Sephirah. That was sweet to say.

[kathy bottoms]

Happy Father's Day Axelle.

K

[pretty]

Well, if you take yourself seriously in calling yourself a mother then it wouldn't make much sense to expect anything for Father's Day. Idk.   

[AbraCadabra]

Well, if you take yourself seriously in calling yourself a mother then it wouldn't make much sense to expect anything for Father's Day. Idk.   

Oh well, I also been unequivocally shunted aside for Mother's Day ... apparently one can not have two mothers either. Well, of course not the ones that gave birth ... so here again, family plus everyone and his uncle is invited for a lovely lunch outing.
Not for 'odd' folks like us. Too embarrassing, yes?
As I said, we're now neither nor - at least in my experience.
It is a form of punishment dealt out... mentioned in slightly less harsh words, but there you are.

Well ... "Got to get with the program..." right?

Axélle

[Diane Elizabeth]

       I remember the last father's Day I had with my dad.  this was way before I faced my gender issues back in 2000.   I gave him a card that had one word "Thanks".  He just sat there as tears came to him.  His smile told me how appreciative the card was.  He died two months later. A lasting memory.  For myself I will be lucky if either of my daughters even send me an e mail recognizing the facts.    I know my son will call, but I will get no salutaions from the ones it would mean the most from. 

      Why does this happen.  For one the youth are nor raught to think of others and what a few words can do to someones day.   They ar etoo busy to be bothered in some cases.    As some have pointed out that some people are making it a gender issue.  If you transition then you can't be a father.  Get real.  I don't think that most are ignoring the honor of Fathers Day as punishment (there are some though).  I see it as people being too self centered and wrapped up in their petty little problems of life to think of taking the time out to say "Happy Fathers Day".   

        I won't go into all the reasons one should show honor and respect for fathers.  I can't say he was always there when I needed him.  He was there for the important times (ie. graduation).  I am sure he did the best he could.  Just as I did the best I could for my kids.  I am sure I could have done better but those are petty regrets in life. 

        As I reread this ot did come accross as maybe being a bit resentful of those children that ignore the day.  Its not.   For whatever their reason I hope they get over it and take the time to say " Hi, I love you, Dad."  I do it year round with both my parents.  Every day should be.   Okay I got that out of my system.

To all the mothers and fathers, of all types out there, I wish you all a "HAPPY FATHERS DAY".

[AbraCadabra]

Now THIS seems worth some up-date...

I just learned from my ex, calling me and wishing me "Happy Fathers Day", that... since I'm a woman - now (never mind still being called d a d - and NOT on my insistence) I'm not a father, um... i.e., women are not fathers. Period.
This as far as my son's logic.
He is a Capricorn, a rather earthy, down to earth type, not quite as fluid & airy as his ex - d a d being a Gemini Oh well.

Of course women are only mothers to whom they gave birth, well - in the same logic, and so that excludes me then as well. See?

Funny thing ... I'm not even upset any more - now definately passing 100% being unequivocally called a woman by my closest family.

Reason to feel good? Why not

Life on the trans-express... eh,
Axélle

[Amazon D]

seems so messed up to me. I am their dad but I'm treated as if I can't be one to them over gender. My grandma was my dad to me. She was the best dad ever. why do people get this confused and think we want to give up everything and start taking things from us? Cis-gender folks can play both roles but for some reason they act like we are now handycapped from doing male things.

wow you know what my grandmother also was like a dad to me. She tried to teach me all about love and kindness and caring and cooking etc etc. Mom was busy working and dad drank too much. But nanny was there for me and still is in spirit.

I am not mad at my two sons mothers because they are doing their best. I can be a parent to others which i have been doing with 2 who i support thru two child organizations.. www.worldvision.org and www.childfund.org since 2004

Many times our blood family is not the ones we need to worry about but we need to keep our spiritual understanding with above and let others be the parents to our blood children because many times those people need that feeling too. Both of my sons mothers have great male role models for my sons. Both have no blood sons but they have mine. One soon will marry my youngest sons mother in july. I wish him a happy life with her and my son. I do stay in contact and send support and extra when i can but the mothers are distant from me in their choice for a partner. I can't or won't put my GID on them or my sons. Heck i wish i didn't have to deal with it myself but i did.

I do have a nice relationship with my children i support in lusaka Zambia. I asked for the kids no one wanted and got two the exact same age as my own two children. It is what God has for me as i have no anger for those two men who are filling in as fathers for my blood children.

Yes more than the earthly world i believe in a spiritual one which transcends this earthly world. I feel that above has watched over my two sons and they are doing well. That is to me what a true father wants for their children.