Everyone still calls me she

[VannaSiamese]

At first it bothered me, but it's gotten to the point where I can't help but laugh.  I transitioned to female for 3 years, and tried so hard to desperately pass as a woman in any way possible.  Then, I found myself unhappy and decided to push more towards an androgynous, boyish look, while identifying as male.  However, I decided to stay on estrogen because I am terrified of losing my hair and becoming more masculine. 

I have no boobs, decent height and a lean muscular build, so I figured going back to male would be pretty simple, however, it's not.  99 out of 100 times I get called miss and ma'am wherever I go.  I cannot use the men's restroom without causing a big commotion, and the few times I have decided to correct people and tell them I am male, they either don't believe me, or ask me if I just started my transition FtM.  At first I got kind of upset about it, but now I can't help but laugh at how peculiar the circumstances are. 

The other day I walked into the men's restroom, at a gay bar none-the-less, and a boy approached me and said "You are in the wrong bathroom" in front of everyone.  At first I felt embarrassed, but then I started laughing and told him i was a boy.  He didn't seem to believe me though, and I actually left and went into the women's bathroom... which is a place I've never really enjoyed going into. 

I never expected to find myself on the other side, not actually passing as a boy even though I am biologically male, and trying to pass as male.  I can't help but feel FtM a lot of the times because of the situations I am experiencing, and how I feel about myself at times.  At this point I decided I don't care what pronoun or name people call me... I just really want to go back to the men's bathroom =(

[GhostTown11]

Totally understand. Even pre-transition people were pulling out the she pretty consistently. I don't mind it, but it's a bit of a novelty adjusting to the fact that you pass so well as one thing that you no longer pass as the other. And hey, who's gonna heckle you for using the mens bathroom? Just give them a glare and do you, it's not their business.

*that boy was such an ass though >:O*

[Jamie D]

That happens, vanna, when you are drop dead gorgeous.

It's the plight of the attractive androgyne.

[pretty]

>However, I decided to stay on estrogen

Found your problem 

[GhostTown11]

>However, I decided to stay on estrogen

Found your problem 

I would have loved to watch a cartoon entitled "Detective Pretty against the world". It would have really been fabulous :3

[pretty]

I would have loved to watch a cartoon entitled "Detective Pretty against the world". It would have really been fabulous :3

Oh you know it! But I'm still holding off in favor of a movie deal. Complete with big sexy hair and campy 70s music.

[GhostTown11]

You have to werk for it girl! I totally see it for you though. Maybe you could do a risque scene like Bonnie and Clyde a la Rush Hour 3?

[pretty]

You have to werk for it girl! I totally see it for you though. Maybe you could do a risque scene like Bonnie and Clyde a la Rush Hour 3?

Well I've got my Clyde. And could so pull off that retro chic.

[Natkat]

I know the situation

I like being femenine, but I also hate not to pass.
I belive it to be harder being an more androgyne looking transperson than a typical binary male or female.

[VannaSiamese]

I know the situation

I like being femenine, but I also hate not to pass.
I belive it to be harder being an more androgyne looking transperson than a typical binary male or female.

I totally agree, I had a pretty easy going, normal life as a girl... But now that I've made the switch back, it's much less normal. Although, I'm much happier this way

[GhostTown11]

If you don't mind me asking Vanna, what was it about living as a girl that you found didn't make you as happy as living as a boy?

[supremecatoverlord]

Vanna, it's because you still look like a she.
That's what years of having a certain type of hormones control your body will do to you - if you've also had other feminizing surgeries performed, that certainly wouldn't help either.
I hate to be harsh, but that's the reality of it.

I also don't know why you posted this in the FTM situation, because most FTMs can't relate to your situation.
You were given the body of a male and you chose to change that with years of hormones - then you backed out and expected to suddenly stop passing as female and start passing as male.
If you truly believe transitioning was a mistake for you, then perhaps you should take the time and wonder why instead of comparing yourself to people who were born in the wrong body, want to pass, and potentially see transitioning as a "do or die" situation.
I think I've said this before, but you should likely talk to someone to sort out your issues and whatnot - you probably still have a lot to learn about yourself before you know what you actually want out of your life.

[Natkat]

I also don't know why you posted this in the FTM situation, because most FTMs can't relate to your situation.

where ells should it be post on this site?
I think the FTM forums seams to be the place on this site who is best filled with this situation.
the situation is very simular to a typical ftm-life experience exept the fact of being mtf first.
if we look away from that biological part we pretty much got the same point as an pre-T post.
--
I don't see anything wrong with re-transition,
I agree its best to find your own way, to know yourself and so on, also for your own sake cause its can be a lots of trouble.

However, I feel it to be stupid to think transition as an "never return" point.
transition is not about gender as much as it sound, its about finding yourself for whats makes your happy.

If you transition to a female and you really arnt happy, then theres no point in staying female.

[GhostTown11]

Vanna, it's because you still look like a she.
That's what years of having a certain type of hormones control your body will do to you - if you've also had other feminizing surgeries performed, that certainly wouldn't help either.
I hate to be harsh, but that's the reality of it.

I also don't know why you posted this in the FTM situation, because most FTMs can't relate to your situation.
You were given the body of a male and you chose to change that with years of hormones - then you backed out and expected to suddenly stop passing as female and start passing as male.
If you truly believe transitioning was a mistake for you, then perhaps you should take the time and wonder why instead of comparing yourself to people who were born in the wrong body, want to pass, and potentially see transitioning as a "do or die" situation.
I think I've said this before, but you should likely talk to someone to sort out your issues and whatnot - you probably still have a lot to learn about yourself before you know what you actually want out of your life.

That's a bit harsh to him no? I mean, posting this is in the mtf section would just draw out people's envy flame throwers and who better than FTM's to relate to the fustration of not passing as male? And also, there is no point chastising others for just trying something out and realizing it isn't for them. This has probably already been a learning curve for Vanna.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Honestly, if you are choosing not to stop female hormones then you are typically going to look softer and more feminine feature wise than other men and that can lead to a lot of misidentitfication by others.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Did you go back to your old voice? >.<

[VannaSiamese]

If you truly believe transitioning was a mistake for you, then perhaps you should take the time and wonder why instead of comparing yourself to people who were born in the wrong body, want to pass, and potentially see transitioning as a "do or die" situation.

I never said transition was a mistake for me... and I also don't see why people like you believe transition is something where you start as one thing, and come out a completely different person and identity. This is my transition.  I started as a male, I went to female, and then I stepped backwards to a more androgynous, male identification.  I don't regret anything, because I honestly couldn't be happier or more comfortable with myself.  So, for you to accuse me of making a mistake, or propose that my situation wasn't do or die, is very insincere and in-genuine or you. 

[GhostTown11]

*snap*

Ok that's not helping, but Vanna, I kinda relate to your situation as in I enjoy the changes of hormones and present as male but with the exception that I don't mind that people call me she or think I'ma dyke or whatever. I think Jason got offended because we can never fully compare to what an FTM goes through. At the end of the day, biologically our bodies are still male so that kinda gives me the confidence to be like whatevs that maybe an FTM doesn't acquire so easily. I'm not saying it's the same for you, I'm just saying I see where Jason is coming from.

[Make_It_Good]

>However, I decided to stay on estrogen

Found your problem 

I echo this, and also Im pretty much with Jason here.

[supremecatoverlord]

I never said transition was a mistake for me... and I also don't see why people like you believe transition is something where you start as one thing, and come out a completely different person and identity. This is my transition.  I started as a male, I went to female, and then I stepped backwards to a more androgynous, male identification.  I don't regret anything, because I honestly couldn't be happier or more comfortable with myself.  So, for you to accuse me of making a mistake, or propose that my situation wasn't do or die, is very insincere and in-genuine or you.

Vanna, I said if you meaning I don't know whether or not you think transitioning (as in the notion of being male to female) was a mistake for you. I was entertaining the possibility you thought it was, but now you just stated that it wasn't, so alright then~ maybe it was necessary for you, but that also seems sort of confusing when you keep posting threads complaining about how no one sees you as male anymore. Really, Vanna, if it's a mystery to you as to why people don't, maybe you need to talk your issues out with someone - because the extended use of the female hormones, the one's that you chose to take, are the reason you don't pass as male anymore. That's not an assumption. That's a fact. That's why when people begin to go through puberty, that person changes. Naturally, it's going to be harder for you to pass as male than it was before the time you decided to present as female, but it seems you have a really hard time accepting that.