how do i come out to a complete stranger who is my therapist

[jasper3]

today is going to mark my second appointment with my new therapist and since i finally came out to my older sister and (straight) boyfriend, i may want to talk to my therapist about it but i dont know how. i have the same problem with my dad. i feel standoffish with my therapist and my dad and i are not close. btw im pre everything, pre t pre op i dont even have a binder yet and ace bandage doesnt work... my moobs are too big.....

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I found that just being open and honest works the best. 

[jasper3]

well im not very social and im not a very good talker
i had to have my sister tell my boyfriend

[AdamMLP]

Email them before hand, or write a note and pass it to them at the start of the session, or when it gets awkward.  Once the big "coming out moment" happens then it should be a bit easier for you to talk about it, that's what I feel about most things anyway.  Good luck.

[jasper3]

thanks but i cannot even word things well... im a really awkward guy

[JR15]

I felt the same way with my therapist I first started to see. (I now I see a therapist familiar with the lgbtq community). Anyway, it sorta just happened and came out. It was eating at me inside to the point where I couldn't even keep it in to myself anymore so it just came out like that. After all, I knew deep down that that was the reason why I wanted and started to see a therapist in the first place...to get it off my chest and to deal with it. Goodluck man

[jasper3]

But he's just a regular therapist who is helping me with my narcissism and anger management and my social issues. He's a children's therapist who was recommended by my paediatrician. Would he even care? I mean, I know he would but he couldn't do anything about it, it isn't his specialty or expertise.

[Felix]

I just bit my tongue and did it. It needed to be done.

Your therapist should care about anything that is so relevant to your identity and well-being, whether he's trained in the matter or not.

[jasper3]

What about school counselors?

[justmeinoz]

As they are working for you, and compared to a lot of what they hear, being trans is no big deal. 
Just blurt it out.  If you are obviously having trouble it will show how serious you are about it. 
Once it is out, you will be in a position to start working on it.

Go for it!

Karen.

[jasper3]

Thank you all, Im gonna try to tell him the month after the next with my next appointment.

He just doesn't seem interested in me at all though... All he does is sit in his chair and ask about school during ->-bleeped-<-ing summer. I've seen his other clients, they're 5-9 year olds... I'm almost 16.. He just annoys me and I think he treats me like a small child

[justmeinoz]

A lot of therapists will wait for you to open up about things.  They don't want to push you.
If you can show you are mature enough to come out about this, he will have something to work with.

[jasper3]

I'm just not a big talker and I don't usually wear my heart on my sleeve. I hardly if ever smile or show my feelings, I'm just that kinda person. I don't know how to say things or put things.

And my last therapist, when I came out to her because I admired her and really respected her and knew her for years, I feel she just shrugged it off like she didn't care. She was a therapist for adults, not children. I think I was her youngest client because I had known her for years and she was the only person I could open up to.
Other people annoy me, especially therapists.

[Ayden]

Hey man, I totally know how you feel. I got into therapy for my gender issues and had a hard time explaining how I felt. Luckily, my therapist was able to call me out the first session. Worst case scenario? You have to wait to find a therapist that will listen. But, in my experience, any therapist worth their weight will actually try to help you. My first therapist was one at my university and even though she could not help me, she still listened which gave me the courage to find someone who would. Stay strong, man.  If you want, let me know and I will give you the info to my therapist, or the site I found her on. She was awesome, and I have so much to thank her for.

It is hard to divulge something so personal. I held it in for 24 years. I know, it hurts. It really makes it hard when you force yourself a mold that isn't you. But, I chose to believe the best in people. Its hard, but it isn't impossible. What's the worst they can do?

[jasper3]

I have to act and dress girly around my dad and brother and in public. My brother called me out once when I was checking a girl out and uh.. Haha I didn't even notice I was but anyway, people call me a whore because I like girls and boys ("female", high school, men and women posters in my walls) but my family also isn't supportive except for my sister and boyfriend, or boyfriend for now.
And when I go into the therapist's wearing pink and crap I feel weird trying to tell him so I just sit back and stare at the picture of water on the wall waiting for 30 minutes to go up and tuning the therapists ranting about books out.

[AdamMLP]

Therapists are hard.  I've seen about every single one in my council area (it's almost impossible to get funding to go outside of it) and they've all be useless.  Some only lasted for three sessions before we realised that it was getting absolutely nowhere.  One took years for me to get rid of, even though he was only making matters worse.  Now though, if I want to go back I can get referred to the last person that I haven't spoken to, who mainly deals with adult mental health but has agreed so see me, but due to past experiences and the fact that things have picked up for me a bit now I'm not going to take her up on the offer of it.  Actually, to be truthful, having to go through therapy to get a GID diagnosis is one of the reasons I'm not making any attempts to transition.

That said though, my GP was really good about it and I spoke to him about being trans a few times, but was too scared to bring up the fact that he was telling me stuff I already knew - I was paranoid that he would think that I was being influenced by the internet into being trans if I let him know how much I had researched it.  My last therapist was pretty much how you described yours though, never bringing anything important up.  Hopefully yours is better than mine, and if you say that you want to talk about serious stuff then maybe he'll listen.  Try just asking something like "why is this relevant to my problems?" if he starts talking about school/books/whatever.

As for the clothes/how to bring it up: maybe use the clothes as a starting point for trans.  Say something like, "I hate this shirt" and then when they ask why, say that it makes you look female etc.

[jasper3]

My dad always says " you are a girl, girls wear girls' clothes."
At that point I just take whatever is on the rack and go to checkout without looking at the size or the design. I will admit my closet is full of hideous old lady clothes. And one or two men's shirts and a pair of boxer I stole from my brother and my sister's fiancé

[jasper3]

Also, I've been to so many therapists and I generally do not like people I'm kinda antisocial and I find it hard to respect people and open up, especially to people who cannot understand me (i.e. the therapists I've had)

[AdamMLP]

I definitely know where you are coming from with opening up with people.  I'm actually fairly open with most people about things like my past of self harm and depression, but when it comes to opening up or coming out to parents/therapists/doctors/teachers/anyone in authority I just can't seem to get words out of my mouth, even though they'll be going around and around my head.

As for clothes, going by the age on your profile, you're old enough to suggest taking responsibility for buying your own clothes and going shopping yourself.  Then you can get some decent clothes to at least wear when you're not in the house.  Or if your dad would allow it, get some unisex ones that aren't too gratingly female.

[aleon515]

I might have missed something but is there some reason to staying with this person? Doesn't sound like this therapist is that supportive?

--Jay Jay