What do you do when you realize that normal sucks?

[JoanneB]

What happens after doing part time for many months and loving every moment of the growth you encountered in it, you suddenly get thrusted back into the old "normal" world you long hoped to return to?

In other words, "Be careful what you wish for"

At work I am once again in the midst of several guys with lots of spare time. You can imagine where half the conversations devolve to. On the home front, I've had to put part-time on the back burner for 2 weeks now while keeping my wife and I from the eventual financial abyss we've been heading full steam towards for the past 3 years with me living and working way out of state. More weekends as well as a July 4th holiday week awaits me.

I cannot believe how comfortable and at ease I've become to finally after some 40 years to actually be living part of my life as the woman I always knew myself to be. I also cannot believe just how much I hate being a guy. I cried a good part of the 350 mile drive back to my alternate life.

For a couple of years now my wife and I have been struggling through the renewed dysphoria. She knew from day one about my "hobby". Being apart with me working way out of state has not been easy for either of us. I've had many "firsts" these past 3 years. I've grown so much more as a person. My one constant has been some day soon things will return to "normal".

What do you do when you realize that normal sucks?

These past couple of years I received so much that I've wished for. I fear it is coming time to pay the piper. 

[justmeinoz]

I realised that it sucked  at about 14!  I just didn't know how to describe myself other than "bit of a weirdo."  I knew that I should have been living a different life, but I didn't have the language to ask what that was.  That happened about 3 years ago at 55.

Karen.

[suzifrommd]

What do you do when you realize that normal sucks?

Know the feeling, been there. Here's what I've got:

* Find the things you love doing, the things that make you feel true to yourself. Don't know what they are for you. For me they're reading, taking walks, writing, spending time with friends. Find what they are for you and do as much of them as you possibly can.

* Reach out to people who need you more than you need them. Find ways of bringing joy into people's lives.

* Pray for peace and acceptance. If, like me, you're not sure about God, pray to your own inner strength. It works just as well.

* Learn to love your own company. Your posts show you to be an interesting person. Learn to appreciate yourself the way you would a good friend.

Good luck Sweetie. Hope you can treat this rough patch as an opportunity to know yourself better.

***HUGS***

[Kadri]

Ah, but if it really were "normal" I don't think you would feel that anything sucked at all. The thing that makes you feel the most comfortable in yourself is the true "normal" and anything else is "subnormal".

I thought at first that the feeling of crossdressing and going out as a woman was some amazing and wonderful thing, when actually it turned out to be nothing more than what most other people experience every day (i.e. life without dysphoria). Once I realised that it gave me balance and peace in my life, after all, why shouldn't I be allowed to have what so many others take for granted? Why am I not allowed to be my own "normal" just because some other people have no idea what it feels like for this to be denied them?

From what you've described, you've had a good taste of "normal" and are now stuck back in the "subnormal" world. For someone who has tasted what real life is like, it is hard to have it taken away again.

I think it's a good idea to remind yourself often that you can feel normal again, even if you can't do it right away. Things won't stay the same forever.