I just need answers and to talk...

[Idonotknow]

I just want to preface this by saying that I'm on an iPhone, and it's hard for me to write a long post. So if you have any questions, or want to clarify something, just post it here.

Right. So, I'm very young. I'm in my teens. I'm a mtf transsexual (obviously pre-op), and I'm sort-of in the closet about it. I've only told people who I'm almost certainly never going to see again, and I've to told them that I'm in the closet.

Now, I'm a little uneasy. I've always been tall, and my feet are gigantic. Much larger than any woman's feet I've ever seen. I'm on track to being over six feet tall. And the feet make me feel like I'd never pass as a woman. I'm not really bothered by anything else about SRS. I'm fine with not being able to have kids. Except that doctors can't change your foot size or your height.

So that's the first thing. The second thing is being in the closet. I flip-flop between desperately wanting to tell someone like my parents and not really caring. I don't know how to go about telling them. I told them I'm bi (I have to talk about that briefly too) and my dad talked to me a couple weeks later in the car about invisible barriers and forever changing relationships. Not a good sign. Especially if he reacted like that about me being bi. Now try trans.

So that's the second thing. About being bi: As a guy, I'm interested in girls (sexually), and I think a lot of guys are cute and sexy, but I don't want to have gay sex with a guy. It's revolting to me. As a woman, however, I would be completely open to straight and lesbian sex, and would be open to a committed relationship with either sex. Is it normal to be like this?

That's all I'm remembering that I wanted to say, so I'm sure I'll think of something else later. If you've bothered to read all this (I guess I did write a lot after all ) then scroll down to see if I've posted anything else as an addition. Please respond, and thank you. I love you all!

[Kadri]

Welcome to Susan's Place!

I'm sure there are people out there more qualified than me to answer most of your questions (I didn't know what was up until 35, so i don't know what it's like as a teenager), but the one on sexual orientation I had sorted out by my teens. I was about the same as you, mostly attracted to women, but found some guys cute and sexy (I feel that a lot less nowadays). I think it's not uncommon. As for not wanting gay sex with a guy, at 18 I can't say the idea filled me with revulsion, but I just didn't have much interest in it. As far as "normal" is concerned, I think you'll find that no sexual orientation is "abnormal" for trans women, at least that is my experience, I know straight ones, dykes, and many others who fall somewhere or other in between.

Your Dad didn't actually say anything negative about being attracted to men, though, did he? "Invisible barriers and forever changing relationships" doesn't sound all that bad a thing to say, but perhaps he meant a bit more than that. Some parents will fly into a rage over the merest suggestion that they have non-straight offspring.

As for height I think tall women are nice....and my feet are size 11 on a good day, 12 on a bad one. I know two natal women who have bigger feet than I do. You just have to know where to get the nice shoes before all the other women with the same size feet as you snap them up!

Anyway, I'm sure some more knowledgeable folk than me will turn up soon to give you some good suggestions.

[Jamie D]

Idonotknow, I'd like to say hello as well.  And welcome from southern California.

For our new members, let me do a little housekeeping:

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Clearly, you have some certainty about your gender identity, but are questioning the feasibility of transitioning.

You should not let your height or other physical features deter you, if you feel strongly about being MtF.  As a teen, it would be very beneficial to seek out gender counseling, to help determine to strength of your feeling.  It may be that you will want to consider anti-androgens, to arrest any further male puberty and growth, and eventually estrogen to help feminize yourself.

But those are down the line.  In the meanwhile, continue to read the information posted in these forums, and on our wiki pages.  The folks on the chat side are very nice and informative.  Join in the discussion, and feel free to ask questions.  Joining is just a first step on your journey.

I wish you well.

[Cindy]

Hi and Welcome,

Gender identity problems come in all shapes and sizes. I knew I was female at about 5 yrs of age, but didn't know what it was.

Lets try and deal with your comments. You are six foot with big feet. So?  I think most female models are 6 foot or over. I was a little surprised the other day looking at some clothes and one of the models looked tiny, checking her details on the online shop she was 5' 10". the other girls were 6' and over. So size doesn't matter, well not that size . You have big feet. So? Many woman have big feet. Six foot woman tend to have bigger feet than 4 foot woman.

How will your family accept you? Ask them. Some families accept others do not. In the USA, where I presume you are, I'm in Australia BTW, acceptance seems to be linked to religion and right wing bigotry more than anything (JMO) .

Where next, if you can and I very strongly suggest this, talk to a therapist who knows about gender problems. Your family Dr should know some, your school therapists may know some. Search for some online in your area. Talking to a therapist does NOT mean that you are TG or anything. What it means is that you can talk to someone who knows the issues and is professional about them.

Finally, be happy, you have done nothing wrong, you have a right to live your life as you wish, as you.

Hugs

Cindy