Is "coming out".........?

[Feral Cat]

Ok, I had this debate with a friend of mine earlier tonight and I want to get some opinions.

Is the definition of "coming out":

(a) when you tell your family and friends about your transition

(b) when you begin living fulltme

I argue that it is (b)....  she says I am wrong.

I have been saying that I came out 2 years ago (my full time date).  If she is right, then I REALLY came out 2.5 years ago (the day I lost my marriage, my friends and most of my family).


Which is it, girls?


Pam

[KarenLyn]

I agree with your friend. Coming out involves letting someone know about you and usually precedes going full time. It can also be an ongoing process. I came out to my wife and went full time 10 months later. I had "the talk" with my mother about 6 months after I told my wife. I finished with letters to my siblings the following month.
Anyway, that's my 2¢ worth.

Karen Lyn

[seldom]

Your friend has the correct definition.  In this case there is without question a correct definition, largely because it is universally accepted definition in the queer community.

Coming out: Admitting you are queer (Gay, Lesbian, Bi, or Transgender)  to a loved one, friend, workplace, co-worker or society in general. 

Going full time is not coming out.  That is why it is described as the real life test or going full time. 

Coming out is telling your friends, family and co-workers about who you are.  It is a process that anybody who is queer may have to face, even though some never do. 

I came out to both my family, many of my friends, and my place of employment.  All for different reasons.  I am nowhere close to going full time.  But to those people important in my life I am out of the closet. 

[tinkerbell]

IMHO, there are degrees of coming out and it starts when you accept yourself as what you think you are.  On the other hand, some people decide to be out to almost every one in the world, and yet not out to their families or personal friends.

tink

[LynnER]

There is coming out to yourself......  finaly acceptance.....
There is coming out to friends, family, and loved ones......  generaly accepted as "Coming out" because you've gone past just self acceptance and are letting people know.....
and There is Coming out to the world AKA full time..... though this isnt allways coming out because not everyone that sees you realises your TS.... or atleast thats kinda the goal isnt it?

Id say Full time or RLE is diffrent from comeing out for that reason... unless your telling everyone you meet that your TS...

[Feral Cat]

There is coming out to yourself......  finaly acceptance.....
There is coming out to friends, family, and loved ones......  generaly accepted as "Coming out" because you've gone past just self acceptance and are letting people know.....
and There is Coming out to the world AKA full time..... though this isnt allways coming out because not everyone that sees you realises your TS.... or atleast thats kinda the goal isnt it?

Id say Full time or RLE is diffrent from comeing out for that reason... unless your telling everyone you meet that your TS...

I stand corrected, it looks like my friend is right.

There is a big difference between the coming out of a gay person and that of a trans person.   In our world, we come out in various stages, in a sense.  However, one difference is that many of us,  go back under cover after a time and are actually NOT OUT.  What I mean by that is, after a time, subsequent to coming out and going full time, many of us choose to go into stealth mode and create an environment where we assimilate with the other women of the world and being "out" is insignificant.

BTW, the day I came "out" at work and showed up as Pam for the first time..... I walked into the employees lounge in the morning and you could hear the avalanche of forks dropping onto plates

Pam

[rhondabythebay]

BTW, the day I came "out" at work and showed up as Pam for the first time..... I walked into the employees lounge in the morning and you could hear the avalanche of forks dropping onto plates

Pam

Funny stuff..

Rhonda