Dating - the stuff guys say :D

[Sephirah]

Him~ "Hey, I like your profile. "

Me~ "Thanks "

Him~ "Hi there beautiful my name is Travis. And I would like to get to know you the real you the woman inside of your soul this is for you.
Let there be many windows to your soul, That all the glory of the universe May beautify it. Not the narrow pane Of one poor creed can catch the radiant rays That shine from countless sources. Tear away The blinds of superstition, Let the light Pour through fair windows broad as Truth And hight as God. Why should the spirit peer Through some priest-curtained orifice, and grope Along dim corridors of doubt, when all The splendor from unfathomed seas of space Might bathe it with the golden wave of love? Sweep down the cobwebs of worn-out beliefs, And throw your soul wide open to the light Of reason and of knowledge. Tune your ear To all the wordless music of the stars And to the voice of Nature, and your heart Shall turn to truth and goodness as the plant Turns to the sun. A thousand unseen hands Reach down to help you to their peace-crowned heights, And all the forces of the firmament Shall fortify your strength. Be not afraid To thrust aside haft-truths and grasp the whole.
Travis :-) "

How to say a lot without actually saying a lot. AKA Speaking in Soundbytes. It's a language which has always confused me, to be honest. And if someone said that to me, my first reaction would be "umm... say what?"

A+ for effort though. Or copy/pasting from a pamphlet.

[Brooke777]

Rabbit, have you heard anything more from Travis? With his intro, he sounds like he could be nice. He also did not seem too pushy IMHO.

[Rabbit]

No way! That doesn't sound nice ~_~ It sounds mega-creepy.

The other guys are stupid and want to get frisky...

Travis's response is just crazy lol. He is the type that would want to do some type of sacrifice to god or something lol.

[Brooke777]

To each her own.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Not to mention that he's being extremely cheesy.

[MariaMx]

Ah yes, dating and the stuff guys will say and do. I tried that with little luck although things did eventually get a little better. I didn't write in my profile I was trans but I did have the letters "mtf" in my profile name so I attracted both the creeps and the regular guys. The creeps were pretty much as described and I had nothing to do with them.

The other guys were a grab bag. I would tell them and they would either go silent, not be interested but still talk to me or find the whole idea intriguing. A few I went out with a few times but soon it would become clear that to them I would be nothing but a dirty little secret, so I left the dating site and forgot about dating all together for a while.

There was this one guy though. He had no prior experience with transgendered people but thought I seemed like a cool and fun person so we had a lunch date (his office was just a few blocks from my workplace). Nothing came of it and it was probably a bit premature since I was only about a year into my transition, but he kept on coming by my office every now and then just to hang out for a chat. As I progressed on I think he actually might have been into me but by then I had already met my husband to be so I never really knew for sure. It did however prove that nice guys can be found on these dating sites even if you are trans and don't advertise it in the profile.

I don't think I gained much (if anything) by trying to date during my transition other than learning what a lot of guys are like when noone is looking. It certainly is possible to get lucky but most likely all you'll end up with is grief.

[GhostTown11]

I'm soooo becoming a lesbian.

[angelfaced]

Ah yes, dating and the stuff guys will say and do. I tried that with little luck although things did eventually get a little better. I didn't write in my profile I was trans but I did have the letters "mtf" in my profile name so I attracted both the creeps and the regular guys. The creeps were pretty much as described and I had nothing to do with them.

The other guys were a grab bag. I would tell them and they would either go silent, not be interested but still talk to me or find the whole idea intriguing. A few I went out with a few times but soon it would become clear that to them I would be nothing but a dirty little secret, so I left the dating site and forgot about dating all together for a while.

There was this one guy though. He had no prior experience with transgendered people but thought I seemed like a cool and fun person so we had a lunch date (his office was just a few blocks from my workplace). Nothing came of it and it was probably a bit premature since I was only about a year into my transition, but he kept on coming by my office every now and then just to hang out for a chat. As I progressed on I think he actually might have been into me but by then I had already met my husband to be so I never really knew for sure. It did however prove that nice guys can be found on these dating sites even if you are trans and don't advertise it in the profile.

I don't think I gained much (if anything) by trying to date during my transition other than learning what a lot of guys are like when noone is looking. It certainly is possible to get lucky but most likely all you'll end up with is grief.

Can i ask where you met your husband ? were you pre or post op ? Ive found it crazy hard to date even tho i get hit on all the time, whats the best way to go about finding a good , non crazy boyfriend ? I did the same thing the OP did and had a okcupid account for awhile but every guy that i met was a creeper so i deleted it.

[Julie Wilson]

Ehh, I'm not into the "trapping" game. If I'm going to go out with a guy, I want to know he actually wants to go out with me and what I am (instead of needing to worry he is going to flip out on me when he realizes it).

Why are you in a rush to date?

Reading what you said is heart-breaking.

Though I am the same as you and though I stumbled through transition like a blind person through uncharted territory...  I knew more or less that I had always been female and actually the process of transition helped me to better realize that I had always been female inside.

A lot of M2Fs look for evidence, they fantasize about being intersex because they feel like they need someone else's permission, like a doctor or a psychiatrist.  And what many fail to realize is that true validation comes from believing in yourself and acting on that belief.

What you said fills me with sadness.

Why not focus on transition.  Why the hurry to date?

[MariaMx]

Can i ask where you met your husband ? were you pre or post op ?

I met him online actually, but not through a dating site or anything. We were introduced by an online friend we both had on msn, we really hit it off and became good friends. Since he lived in the US and I in Norway we didn't meet in person but rather got to know each other through chatting which we pretty much did every day for about a year or so. Having never been outside of the USA he wanted to come visit me in Norway that summer and things just sort of did what things sometimes do He returned to the US after a month here and then later that fall he came back to stay. About two months later I had srs and the following May we got married. We had our 6 year anniversary just 3 weeks ago

Ive found it crazy hard to date even tho i get hit on all the time, whats the best way to go about finding a good , non crazy boyfriend ? I did the same thing the OP did and had a okcupid account for awhile but every guy that i met was a creeper so i deleted it.

I don't know, but my advice would probably be to not rush it or force it. If it were me doing everything over again I would probably just be social, meet new people and let things happen on their own like it does for most other people.

[Hannah]

Yeah majority of them are closet gehyz.

Eek! Watch yourself, I said that on here once and got damn near crucified.


I find that there's four types of guys when it comes to dating online:

1) The quantity over quality type, who sends the same message to X amount of girls; "hey babe/sweety/hun/cutie, what's up?"

2) The guy who didn't even read your profile, and definitely didn't  read the part where you say you aren't into casual sex, and sends you the message; "hey, wanna come over this weekend?".

3) The guy who almost knows what he's doing, and sends a thoughtful message: "Hey, I see you like playing guitar/playing sports/trafficking narcotics, I like that as well." But inevitably turns the conversation towards the freaky stuff he loves to do in bed.

4) And finally, the fourth type of guy, the guy who is worth his weight in gold: "Hey, I see that you like X, I like it as well. I also see that you are trans, which is fine by me because I am bi/have a trans friend or sibling/am trans. Would you like to go out some time?" It's obviously not that easy, but you get the idea.

So, you see mostly #1s, a lot of #2s, a few #3s, and practically no #4s.

[noleen111]

The dating world is a scary place, you have to be carefull..

I am not dating at the moment, I am waiting till I am post op.. I want a catty cat before dating...

I am wary of guys who case ->-bleeped-<-s..

[Trans Truth]

Some guys are creepy. Not all are like that though, so don't worry too much.

Just pay no attention to the creepy ones. They'll learn.

[AbraCadabra]

Some guys are creepy. Not all are like that though, so don't worry too much.

Just pay no attention to the creepy ones. They'll learn.

Yes, I like to think this way, lest we become all anti male and THAT ... be a shame.
Though it needs some practice to figure out who is REAL and who is NOT.
I had an FB ''contact" very recently and got the feeling I had to stop it.
The man was like some runaway train, falling all over himself about how much he loved me, age be now issue, likes my smell (oh, over the web?), my touch (oh?), how he wants to marry me - right away, and how so Christian he is, helping the widows and the poor, how it doesn't matter that I'm still MARRIED ... woopsy, hello! After I had made it clear some days before that this was 32 years ago, (having been married) etc. etc. And how very Christian to get carried away with a MARRIED female ...
This person became more and more UNREAL, in TOTAL romantic overdrive. Spooky. It made me wonder if he was having me on ... of course all this, after having said how he is not into playing games. His wife having died 5 years ago, and how I am on his mind night and day. Then he gets a 'weekend headache' and I hear nothing for 2 days. Wifey looking over his shoulder? Maybe, who can tell... all started to smell pretty much like bovine excrement...

Well, you get the gist ... I pulled the plug on this guy. Yet he looks real on FB, is a business man, really? Looks not unattractive - but something seems to be amiss. Something.

We do not want to be horrible to anyone else at our own expense - but one has to figure out (for oneself) when something is just not OK. Sometimes it takes a little while; sometimes you know right off the bat.
It made me sad, for most probably having been made a fool of, someone telling me all these special things and then finding out it's all some bunch of BS, and some operator is looking for some older desperate girls. And then – I might have done him all wrong. Though I sure tried, really did to make him come down and touch ground level.
It's really very sad, for me AND for him. Is what I think at present...

Axélle

[wiigirl]

You act too nice, lol. Those guys are creepers.

Aren't most guys that are online? 

[AbraCadabra]

Quick update on my on-line 'gentle-man' --- he has VANISHED from Facebook...

New name, new game?

I'd be little surprised - yet will we ever REALLY know?

Axélle

[UCBerkeleyPostop]

I've gotten this kind of stuff in person as well as in emails.  After a while you get tired of it and realize that to a lot of men trans = guy who loves to dress up like a woman so he can have tons of casual sex and give tons of oral sex to lots of random nameless men.

And believe me there are lots of people who are trying to fit that stereotype and they are referred to as trans and transsexual among other things.

Another good reason why being trans is really nobody else's business but mine but I am done with transition and really not that into nostalgia so it's easy for me to say (because it's true).

You seem to be in about the same mindset I am in. Trans? Yup, been there done that? Yes, maybe I was trans but now I am just a woman and BTW, being trans is a SELF-identification. If one is post-op and does not identify as trans but as a female, that is who you are.