Cold Feet? Anxiety / Fear Just Prior To Therapy?

[Dawn Heart]

As the title says, I am wondering if any of you started getting cold feet or anxiety / fear setting in just prior to starting therapy? My appointment is just over 10 days away and I am starting to feel like I may freeze up when the therapist asks me about the gender identity topic. I can't help but wonder if the therapist will react with acceptance and compassion as ethics dictate or if this clinician will get on a soapbox and preach about all sorts of garbage or whatever.

Advice from anyone? Your stories? Thoughts?

Thanks!

[Jamie D]

"I am having issues with my gender identity.  What is your experience with transgendered individuals?"

Be direct.  If it is not a good fit, you may well know that in a meeting or two.

[kelly_aus]

In the days before I had my first session I was terrified. I had the 'What if I'm just nuts?' question running through my head. I knew my therapist had plenty of experience in dealing with gender issues and frankly, that idea also caused me concern. What if I wasn't 'trans enough' for him?

My first session basically consisted of some introduction stuff and me telling him a large slab of my life story. The only 'tricky' part was when he asked for further detail about stuff I'd rather have glossed over. The second session we finished off my telling my life story.. The next few sessions were mostly going back over some particular events and times in my life. On the whole, the process was fairly straight forward.

I will admit, it did take longer than 3 months for me to get referred for HRT, but that was my own choice. There were some things I wanted to deal with before I took that step. I simply didn't want to carry that baggage forward in to the next stage of my life.

[MariaMx]

I know how you feel because I had many of the same fears when I first went to a therapist to seek a referral to the GIC. I was already on my way on my own so what I feared the most was being "shutdown" by the therapist. In essence not being trans enough as others have stated. What would I do then?

Whether you freeze up or not would probably largely depend on the person you meet. Unfortunately therapists/shrinks are a mixed bag and you never know what you get. The therapist I saw for the referral was nice enough and easy too talk to. I had 3 sessions and was referred to the GIC. When I got there it was a whole other story. They were downright hostile and it felt very much like I was being interrogated for a crime I had potentially committed. The shrink made me feel extremely uncomfortable talking about my issues, then at the end of the session I was told I was a very closed person and had serious psychological issues I needed to work on. Leaving the clinic I was shattered. In Norway there's one GIC and they have monopoly on treatment. If you get turned down you are basically screwed, so I had to grit my teeth and just stick with it. Eventually they warmed up to me and it turned out I wasn't such a closed person with serious psychological issues after all. I sometimes wonder if they were testing my resolve or something. To me however they came off as egotistical know-it-alls on their high horses getting off on their academical power trips (they repeatedly told me how they were world champions in care and treatment for transgender people).

I get the feeling you are in the US. It seems to me you have a much better system where if you should not click with a therapist you can move on to another one. My advice however would be to try to put on a positive attitude and come off as a stable person.

[ShawnaB]

I asked my therapist (and all the others I tried out) some questions form here:
http://www.pinktherapy.com/en-gb/findatherapist/choosingatherapist.aspx
and I found it really helpful to interview them as much as they were interviewing me.

At the end of the day, they should be there to help you find the best version of you possible and nothing else. If you're not comfortable with them, then find someone else. I don't know if your therapist does a free 30minute chemistry session (some do, some don't) to see if you're both comfortable working with each other or not.  The therapist that I chose in the end was the one that I felt had the most relevant experience with respect to gender and everything else in my life (as I don't think I could have just focused on gender issues without touching on anything else), and long after the 3 months for the hrt letter, I'm still seeing my therapist on a weekly basis and it's been great.

Best of luck finding someone that works for you (and with you).

[Alexis]

My personal opinion is that a good therapist is going to let you bring up the things you want to talk about at your own pace, so you'll start to talk about the gender stuff when you decide you want to bring it up. Those who have had experience with trans patients have probably seen them come in at all ends of the spectrum, some just seeking a letter for HRT, some wanting truly to figure out if they have some form of GID, so you don't have to have the mindset that you're transitioning tomorrow right at the start. It's also not an easy subject to talk about, especially if it is something that you haven't shared with anyone before so I can't imagine that any therapist would expect you to be completely blasé talking about it with a stranger. Like the others have said, it's a relationship that you and your therapist are going to develop, and that takes time too. In the end though just be yourself and go at whatever pace is comfortable. Someone with experience should be able to pick up on that, let you do the talking, and know what to ask when it's pertinent. Remember that they are there to help you figure things out, and that they are working for you, you have every right to dictate your expectations.

[Dawn Heart]

All of you....thanks for the great advice and words of support so far!

I was at the clinic not long ago to do the paperwork ahead of time so I didn't have to rush through the questions and everything else on the day of the appointment. I checked the box for concern about sexuality and simply said I have never talked to anyone about it before due to fear, so the therapist will be well warned ahead of time. That was step one.

I think my greatest struggle now in terms of my fear is how to word how I have felt from early on in my life to the current day and explaining how and why I hid like I did all these years. That issue about not being trans enough and the fact that I still present as male due to my own life circumstances is a feature like it was for some of you, and we have that in common.

I just wanna get on with it, but can't until I have my own place and some privacy to be me (as Dawn, as a female) for a while. I have been looking around for clothes, and other things I will need as I start my transition. I am looking for wigs to start off until my female looks start to come out with HRT and as I develop my sense of self in therapy.

On the same side of the coin, I also don't want to get ahead of myself because we all know that causes undue stress. I'll be watching for your replies. Thanks so much again to each of you!