It's starting to get real

[Tamaki]

It's been a while since I felt like posting but with the events of late I just felt the urge.

My transition has been going reasonably smooth. I'm married and she knew some before we were married but I came out to her 2 years ago. Since going fulltime 2 months ago there has been a huge weight lifted from me. Getting hormones dialed in has been hell but I take it as part of the process.

A week ago I visited my mother for the first time since going fulltime. The result of that visit is that I'm not a woman and never will be. Better yet, my partner is the one trying to change me into a woman (no idea where that came from). The best part was my mother introducing me to the staff at the nursing home as her son and watching their shocked expressions. I knew mom was never going to change.

I talked to my brother for the first time since coming out to him over a year ago. He asked me if I've ever thought to stop being transgender. That was a first for me.

This morning me wife told me she couldn't deal with me being transgender anymore and to get out of the house. I don't like being homeless because of what I am. Tonight may be tent camping in the city park or sleeping in my car. Hopefully, in the morning the local women's shelter can help me, I already talked to them earlier today.

A year and a half into transition and I'm running out of things to lose.

It's kinda of ironic (or whatever the proper word is) that a fellow transwoman and I have been working on a shelter for transpeople before all this happened, not that this will stop us.

[Devlyn]

<Big hug> So sorry, hon. But bottom line, you're not doing this for anyone else, you're doing it for you. Eye on the prize! Hugs, Devlyn

[Chrissy1]

HUGS!! I know it will get better for you. hang in there. I love the idea of the shelter you are working on I think its a great thing.



  On another note I cant believe how uneducated some people chose to be about us when your brother thinks you can just stop being trans

BIG HUGGS I be thinking of you

[justmeinoz]

Sorry to hear things have gone pear shaped.  My Mum is 89 and similar, but has never done that to me with her nursing home staff. 
Did you suggest to your wife that maybe she should move out?  I am surprised she wants to stay in the same house now that you have been contaminating it,  all of a sudden. If there appears to be no hope of her coming to her senses, could you demand a quick property settlement (unless you are renting).  Why should it all be put on you?

Karen.

[Tamaki]

Did you suggest to your wife that maybe she should move out?  I am surprised she wants to stay in the same house now that you have been contaminating it,  all of a sudden. If there appears to be no hope of her coming to her senses, could you demand a quick property settlement (unless you are renting).  Why should it all be put on you?

The whole thing happened at 5 in the morning just after we woke up. I was completely taken by surprise by her demanding angrily and in tears that I leave immediately. She's not disgusted with me I think it may have been when she realized that I'm losing weight (we're both on the same diet) so that I can eventually get srs that it all became real to her. The first year on hormone did nothing for me but since switching doctors I've had real progress the last five months and I'm closer to passing.  I think it's all becoming very real to her that soon she will be married to a woman (even though she was all along).
With some time she will calm down and we will decide what will happen next. Regardless, we owe more than the house is worth and don't have the income to make the payments since I've been laid off. So we have things we must deal with together and she acknowledges that.

[A]

I'm sorry, but she's a horrible person. You don't kick someone out and make them homeless for such a reason. That's just crazy. When you can't take something, you don't demand that people leave. You leave.

[Dale]

why leave. Who does the house belong to? Who is paying the mortgage?

[Gretchen]

Until the bank takes it away it is still your house too.

[Tamaki]

We both "own" the house. Neither of us can pay the mortgage. I could move back in and tell her if she doesn't like it then she needs to leave but I feel like I'm just fighting when I should be giving the both of us space. We're going to talk in a week, besides our relationship is really the only thing we have left worth fighting for, the other stuff is just stuff and not worth much money.

Yeah I'm very scared, alone and I don't know what I going to do but don't think I'm some innocent angel and she's some tyrant. We've been married for 20 years and we've both done stupid things to hurt each other. She's also worried about me and has helped me. She's hurt that the man she married is really a woman and that transformation is happening before her very eyes. We both still care about other and want the best for each other. It is a horribly painfully agonizing way to lose a marriage that has lasted for almost half my life. It would be easier to hate her but I don't, not one bit. I love her and understand her agony and she sees my agony even if she can't fully understand it. Not much is worse than watching your loved one suffer and all you can do is stand by and watch.

Being trans can be so cruel at times.

[RosieD]

Sorry to hear about where your journey's taken you and I admire your selflessness in giving your partner space even though it means hardship for you. I'd like to have some wise and comforting nugget of advice to offer at this point but alas am too inept to have one.

So anyway, wishing YOU well and will be keeping fingers crossed for you.

Love,

Rosie

[Rising_Angel]

*hugs* Like everyone else here I'm heartbroken to hear what you're going through!

Unlike others here, I'm not going to come down on your wife for what she did (even though I in no way agree with it).  Stress has a funny way of making people desperate, and when people get desperate sometimes they just freak out.  How she went about expressing that stress and those fears is reprehensible, but to say she's horrible isn't quite accurate; more like she's lost, panicked, and afraid.

That being said, I really think that a trans clinic might be a hella-good idea!  Imagine a place like a turn of the century boarding house that localizes professionals to help with the transition ... it could take the confusion and fear out of a lot of women's journeys!  A safe place for women to go during transition when they have nowhere else to turn, and a place that has a built-in support network!  It's like a Sorority (Theta Gamma, lol)!

[kim58]

Hang in there hon!  Sorry for your dilemma

[Tamaki]

That being said, I really think that a trans clinic might be a hella-good idea!  Imagine a place like a turn of the century boarding house that localizes professionals to help with the transition ... it could take the confusion and fear out of a lot of women's journeys!  A safe place for women to go during transition when they have nowhere else to turn, and a place that has a built-in support network!  It's like a Sorority (Theta Gamma, lol)!

Myself and another transwoman were beginning to work towards starting an emergency shelter for trans, intersex and gender non-conforming people. There is a desperate need for emergency housing for trans people even in really progressive cities as I'm finding out first hand. This whole experience is just strengthening my resolve to make this a reality in some form.

[Rising_Angel]

When you do get something set up, I'd love to partner with you here in Dallas!  I really think this is a tremendously important idea!

[Tamaki]

If I come up with anything to help I will definitely be posting it at susans among other places.

I have had some promising leads at transhousingnetwork.com

[Constance]

I remember when my wife said she couldn't be married to me anymore. She started sleeping on the couch, and never asked me to leave our shared home.

I can only imagine what you're going through.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Tamaki. We're here for you.

[nyx]

At first my girlfriend was ok and always seems ok about most things. it wasnt until I actually started changing in ways she could notice that it bothered her along the lines that shes losing my manly side which as a straight woman she is attracted to. The people who are present in your life during transition or from before and after will have to go through a certain level of transition with you. Things will change that is part of it. i know that if I lose my sexual function it might lead to another level of uncertainty in our relationship. But sadly at the end of the day it is better to move towards what you need if things wont be as free as you need to change. Independence and alone time helps me feel feminine during my transition.

[Jenny_B_Good]

our relationship is really the only thing we have left worth fighting for, the other stuff is just stuff and not worth much money.

It's a true heart like that which will see you through life in great health my friend.

With the greatest respect !!

Jennifer

XOXOXOXO